Fore Play Before Sex
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Fore Play Before Sex
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on June 27, 2021
Foreplay -- also called “outercourse” -- is any sexual activity that happens before sexual intercourse. You can think of it like the warm-up to the main event, although foreplay doesn’t always have to lead to intercourse. Foreplay can include things like kissing, cuddling, touching, or just talking.
Foreplay can make sex more exciting. For example, kissing releases oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. These feel-good hormones can reduce stress and help you get out of your own head while you’re with your partner and enjoy sex even more.
Foreplay also helps get your body ready for sex. When enjoying foreplay, you may notice your heart pounding. Foreplay causes an increase in blood flow to your genitals and helps lubricate the vagina. This makes sex more pleasurable and helps prevent pain during intercourse.
One major myth about foreplay is that partners who don’t do it are lazy or selfish. But a lack of sexual confidence or experience is much more likely to be the cause. The best way to overcome this hurdle and add foreplay to your life is to keep the lines of communication open. Keep sexual talk positive. Don’t accuse or shame your partner. Take the lead if they don’t seem inclined toward foreplay.
It’s important to keep in mind that, for some people, foreplay is very important aspect of sex. In fact, many women can’t reach orgasm from intercourse alone. Foreplay can help make orgasm more likely.
Adding foreplay into your relationship can help you and your partner(s) grow closer by triggering hormones that deepen your connections.
One of the best ways to enjoy foreplay is to talk with your partner or partners ahead of time about what works for you and what doesn’t. Everyone enjoys different things, and you shouldn’t expect the other person to know what you want until you say it.
For example, some people enjoy light touches up their arms during foreplay. For others, gentle touches may be too overwhelming, so they might prefer a firmer touch. Clear communication about what works for your bodies can help make foreplay enjoyable.
Foreplay means different things for different people. Some people may enjoy it so much that they never get around to intercourse. As long as everyone consents to the activities, the most important thing is that you’re enjoying yourself.
Foreplay can start long before you’re in the same room with your partner. Leaving a romantic note, sending a sexy text, or preparing a romantic dinner to share can all be considered forms of foreplay. These can be great ways to begin adding more arousal into your life. Also try:
The more open and honest you can be with your partner about the sexual activities that excite you, the more likely you are to enjoy sex, which can lead a fulfilling sex life.
Healthline: “38 Things to Know About Sex and Foreplay.”
Thought Catalog: “10 Strategies To Get More Foreplay Into Your Relationship.”
Psychology Today: “The Folly of Frequently Foregoing Foreplay,” “The Neurochemistry of Love.”
Boston Medical Group: “Don’t Ignore the Foreplay.”
© 2005 - 2022 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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Trust, hitting these spots can be better than sex.
Foreplay is like an appetizer to the main course. Sure, your medium-rare filet mignon will taste okay alone. But wouldn’t it be even better if you started off your taste buds with a bread basket, Caesar salad, and some prosciutto? That’s an absolute yes.
And well, sex works just like food does. Appetizers don’t take away your hunger, they enhance it—as does foreplay with actual P-in-V sex. Sometimes, it can even be better than the sex itself. So when things are getting hot with your partner, don’t skip right to the sex. Here are 15 places to definitely stimulate during foreplay to make the grand finale taste extra yummy.
I don’t know about you, but I giggle every time someone touches me here. And if some area makes you ticklish, that’s almost a surefire guarantee it can be a hot spot on your body when you’re in the ~mood~.
Not only is it super sensitive, which can be extremely erotic, but it’s also an easy pleasure point to stimulate. “Make circular motions with your tongue lightly enough to stimulate the area,” says Danny Becker, sexologist at TheEnhancedMale.com . “The skin gets thinner when you get closer to the inner elbow, so use that area to drive your partner wild.” And psst, the lighter the pressure, the better it feels.
Besides the normal parts of your body most often sexualized as erogenous zones, the area around your peepers can be just as sensual and sexual. “Use your thumbs to gently stroke their brows and place gentle kisses on their lids,” says Jill McDevitt , PhD, CalExotics’ resident sexoloist. “There’s a ton of intimacy that can come from deep eye contact and gentle face-stroking like this.”
“The clavicle and the grooves below it can be highly responsive to light touch,” says Jess O’Reilly , PhD, Astroglide’s resident sexologist. Although it’s a random part on your body, your partner can use it to stimulate you in ways you didn’t know existed. “Run the backs of your fingers over the bone and use your tongue along the underside of them,” says O’Reilly.
Full disclosure: You need to check in with your partner to make sure they’re okay with any foot/toe play before you go shrimpin’ since you low-key might get kicked in the face if you don’t. But once you get the go-ahead, “licking or sucking them can be extremely erotic because toes are very sensitive,” says sex expert and relationship therapist Jane Greer, aka Dr. Greer .
Xanet Pailet, author of Living an Orgasmic Life , says the ears and earlobes are extremely sensitive for many people. “Nibbling on the earlobes, licking behind their ear, and blowing gently in someone’s ear or telling them sexy things can be a huge turn-on.” She adds that there are even some women (herself included) who can have eargasms just from this sort of stimulation.
Pailet also points out that the scalp has a ton of nerve endings and should definitely be on your list of ~sensitive spots~. After all, who doesn’t love a good head massage? She suggests running your hands through their hair or lightly grabbing their hair at the nape of their neck.
Continuing down from the scalp to the nape of the neck brings us to the back of the neck and shoulders. Pailet says that lightly tickling this area can prove extra sensitive. If you and your partner are up for it, some light nibbles or love bites can also help ramp up arousal.
Susan Kaye , PhD, a sexologist in Texas, says your hands are also a very important body part to focus on during foreplay. “Our hands have the same amount of nerve endings as our genitals,” she adds. She suggests closing your partner’s eyes, taking their hands, and slowly guiding them to brush your face with their fingertips, down over your neck, your shoulders, your breasts, and to any other sensitive spots. Use touch to show them exactly how you like to be touched.
According to Genevieve Duarte, a tantric massage expert at White Lotus East in New York City, the start to a truly arousing tantric massage lies with stimulating the surrounding areas of your partner’s body before going straight for the genitals and orgasm. Duarte previously explained that gently massaging the pubic bone can unlock lots of erotic potential. If you’re ready to work in more erogenous zone stimulation, you can go for lightly massaging the perineum—the area between the penis and butthole—with a couple fingers. Duarte suggests holding his penis upward against his body in place while you try this one.
The buccal nerve, which surrounds the edges of the mouth, has untapped potential to stimulate when you’re kissing. “This area is extremely sensitive to touch, but it’s often overlooked since most people focus on the plump part of the lips,” says clinical sexologist Rachael Ross, MD, PhD. If you try lightly tracing the tip of your finger around the edges of your mouth (like you’re putting on lip liner), you’ll experience a tingly, almost ticklish feeling.
When you’re making out, you don’t need to lick around his entire mouth to get the benefits—that would be weird. Instead, kiss your partner as you normally do, then use the tip of your tongue to trace the edge of his upper lip lightly. Pull back and playfully kiss him again, then trace the border of his bottom lip.
Patti Britton, PhD, Los Angeles–based clinical sexologist and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Sensual Massage , previously explained the value of nipple play. This goes doubly so for men, because according to Britton, “their nipples are uncharted territory—an erogenous zone they haven’t experimented with.”
What’s more, you can show him exactly what you like done to your bod by acting it out on him. Gently flick them with your tongue, bite them, stroke them, whatever gets those nips a-poppin’.
The entire area between your jawline and shoulders is an erogenous zone, but there’s one particular destination that’ll spark more goose bumps than any other part. “It’s that little indentation where the neck connects with the collarbone,” says Leah Millheiser, MD, director of female sexual medicine at Stanford Medical Center. “The skin is thinner there and there’s not as much fatty tissue underneath, so the sensations are stronger.” In other words, touching this area feels damn good.
As you kiss down his or her neck, trail the tips of your index and middle fingers from one shoulder to the dip in the center, lingering to swirl your fingers in a slow, circular motion. Then move your mouth over the spot and kiss it, using your breath to warm the area.
Snaking from the bottom of the rib cage to the hips is a powerful nerve that, when stimulated, connects directly to your clitoris and your partner’s penis. “When you touch this area, it reflexively causes the pelvic-floor muscles to contract in both men and women, which increases arousal,” says Dr. Ross.
You’ll want to use a firmer touch here, since it’s more ticklish than other spots. Start on one side, just underneath the rib cage, and either stroke the area with your hand or alternate between kissing (apply more pressure than usual with your lips) and lightly nibbling your way down to the hip bone.
The knob at the base of the spine is rife with nerves and therefore arousal potential. To take advantage, give each other a massage.
Start at the shoulder blades and work your hands down in a kneading motion. At the lower back, switch to a softer touch, and lightly spiral your fingers over the base. “This area is so receptive, just the softest touch will send chills throughout the body,” says Dr. Ross.
You can also lightly graze your cheek against the area—the unexpected skin on skin sparks an increase in the excitement hormone dopamine. Then softly kiss and trace your tongue along the same spot (just make sure he’s shaved before he tries this on you). Try brushing the tips of your hair against the skin and then switch to raking your fingernails gently across it to deepen the sensation.
One of the most explosive nerves in the body is located at the top of the inner thigh. “It’s called the ilioinguinal nerve, and it’s incredibly sensitive to touch,” says Dr. Millheiser.
In fact, it’s best to save it for last and work your way up to it. Start by licking your finger (the wetness increases the stimulation) and slowly drawing it from the mid–inner thigh to the top. Then follow the path you just traced with your tongue, teasing your way to the upper region.
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Foreplay is important to a lot of people. But what is it? Find out how loveplay helps men and women have better sex
Foreplay is one thing you'll hear many women and people with vulvas say they want more of in their sex lives . Now we’re speaking more openly about sex in general, it’s important to understand why foreplay is so key to a pleasurable sexual experience, for people of all genders and sexualities. It’s also time to reconsider the term, which is often described as old-fashioned, non-inclusive and steeped in sexism as it centres male pleasure.
Hand jobs, blow jobs, fingering, kissing, mutual masturbation and cunnilingus for example, can all be considered foreplay. Traditionally, foreplay has been defined as any sex act that isn’t penetrative, penis-in-vagina sex.
Like the term sexual intercourse (which is another term that has been historically used to describe penetrative penis-in-vagina sex), it’s wildly outdated. Why? Implying manual and oral sex don’t count as ‘real sex’ is harmful to LGBTQ+ people whose sex lives do not include penis-in-vagina sex.
It also positions penetrative sex as the ‘end goal’ for heterosexual couples, and anything that comes before that is merely ‘foreplay’ leading up the grand finale. This is a problem as we know most women and people with vulvas do not reach orgasm through penetration alone. In fact, the majority need clitoral stimulation in order to climax. It makes no sense for penetrative sex to be centred in this way – and it’s part of the reason why the orgasm gap (the stark difference in the number of men and penis-having people who orgasm during sex compared to women and people with vulvas) exists.
By centring penis-in-vagina and penetrative sex as the end goal, it also gives us a sexual script to follow. And what could be less erotic and fun than having the same, routine sex every time?
Other terms have been floated by sex educators to replace foreplay – such as outercourse – but it doesn’t seem there is one term that experts agree on. So, for ease, I’ll use the term foreplay throughout this article in order to offer tips and advice for getting your oral and manual sex skills up to scratch.
Psychosexual therapist and sex expert at LELO , Kate Moyle, says if you’re after better foreplay with a partner, it’s all about clear communication. ‘If couples want to change this aspect of their sex lives, then they should first be open to the fact that sex, like everything else in our lives changes,’ she explains.
Anticipation is a natural aphrodisiac, and foreplay plays an important role in building desire and arousal.
‘Anticipation is a natural aphrodisiac, and foreplay plays an important role in building desire and arousal. If couples are struggling with foreplay, they can mix it up or set new rules to try. For those that often rush to sex, setting an alarm clock for 20 minutes and setting the rule of no genital touching until the timer goes off is a really good way of exploring each other's bodies more creatively, by focusing on the parts of the body not normally associated with sex.’
As we know, women and people with vulvas orgasm less than men and people with penises during sex. We know part of the reason for this to be because penetrative sex has been centred throughout history, sex education, and even in pop culture. So, if we want to close this orgasm gap , we need to realise just how pleasurable other forms of sex can be.
If we want to close this orgasm gap, we need to realise just how pleasurable other forms of sex can be.
It’s also important to build up to penetrative sex, if that is still your end goal. Vaginas need time to self-lubricate (or you can add lube if you have difficulty getting wet), before penetration. An un-lubricated vagina is more at risk of tearing, injury and soreness. Plus, being wetter just feels more pleasurable. For those having anal sex, it’s important to remember the anus does not naturally self-lubricate like the vagina – so lube will be necessary for both enjoyment and comfort.
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