Fisting Techniques
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Fisting Techniques
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"It's a bit of a kink for me to see how shocked people are about how much I can handle.”
You've heard of vaginal fingering , but what about vaginal fisting? Fingering entails inserting a finger or two into someone's vagina (and hopefully using your other digits to touch their clitoris). Fisting is an entirely different sensation for the giver and the receiver: it's when you get all five fingers in your partner's vagina, making it past the knuckles and all the way down to your wrist.
“Fisting is a bit of a misnomer because it makes it sound like the hand is entering the vagina as a balled-up, kickboxing style fist, but this is not the case,” explains queer sex educator and journalist Gabrielle Kassel . “The fingers enter the vagina as a 'duck beak' or 'Italian gesticulation' shape.”
Some advanced fisting bottoms (a.k.a. the person being fisted) may have their partner roll their fingers down into a fist once they're inside the vaginal canal, “but the hand does not start as a fist,” Kassel says.
While vaginal fisting may seem like something that only happens in porn, you can definitely pull it off in real life, with practice—and people in all types of relationships can try it out. “While people of any sexuality, kink preferences, and gender configurations can fist, in my experience, fisting is most common in kinky communities and queer partnerships,” Kassel says. “This is because both the queer and kink communities are used to expanding and exploring what can qualify as pleasure.”
To learn more about the wonderful world of fisting—including how to do it—we spoke to three experienced vaginal fisting bottoms:
Kim: “Sometimes, it feels like my partner is the puppetmaster. Their hand inside me, calling the shots, like they made marionette strings of my nervous system. Their hand movement causes corresponding involuntary movements of my limbs, face, neck, and vocal cords. Psychologically, it can put me into sub space, or it can keep me there. It's about surrendering control of my own body. But other times, it feels like I’m a fucking champion. It’s like, ‘Watch what I can do with my hole. Stick your whole fist in there, I dare you.'"
Bex: “Physically, at its simplest, it's about a feeling of fullness. It's a deep and radiating pleasure, the kind I relate to g-spot and a-spot stimulation. There's also something particularly satisfying about the moment the fist is fully inside you.
"Psychologically I very much enjoy the idea of exploring my body's limits and the challenge of taking a fist. I enjoy the feeling of satisfaction and pride when I get past that last knuckle and feel them slip into me, and I love the chance to impress my partner with how much I can take. Occasionally, it can also be emotionally intense and will sometimes leave me feeling a little vulnerable afterward, but having my partner around to cuddle me always helps.”
Danielle: “So I'm 4'10" and 85 pounds, but I have a surprisingly big pussy. It's a bit of a kink for me to see how shocked people are about how much I can handle.”
Kim: “Oh my god, all of it. With a whole hand inside me, my partner can reach places they can't access with other types of penetrative sex. They have the dexterity to feel around inside me, and I can guide them to my pleasure points. Finally, there’s a moment of ecstasy when the hand pushes all the way in, and the hole tightens around their wrist.
We hold so much power in our hands: They create, write, type, eat, open doors, and drive. Our hands are the primary appendage we use to go about our daily lives. Having someone's hand completely inside me links my momentary experience with all of the beautiful things they do with their hands. Being fisted by an artist, I become a work of art. Being fisted by an athlete, I become the game they train for. Being fisted by a skilled driver, they have command over the machine that is my body.”
Bex: “I mean, at its simplest, it feels good! I particularly enjoy the intense feeling of fullness and the fun challenge of pushing my body to see what it can do.”
Danielle: “I simply like feeling very full. There's something about the stretching of my vagina that feels really intense but wonderful. The feeling of seeing how my body reacts when I intentionally connect to it, like when I do my breathing exercises, and they work! Maybe part of me feels like a superhuman? I also always combine it with the Hitachi Magic Wand. I really can't get fisted without it.”
Kim: “Know your body. Try different angles and positions with toys for practice. In order to take an entire fist, you need to be highly aroused, properly lubricated, and as relaxed as possible. Also, communicate with your partner beforehand. (‘Before hand,’ get it?) It's good to be able to vocalize what about fisting appeals to you. Is it the power dynamic? Is it about testing your physical limits? Is it about building intimacy? Also, be in touch with your boundaries. Even if it's been thoroughly discussed, you can always change your mind. You may need to work up to it over several encounters.”
Bex: “Be patient! If you go into the experience with the expectation that ‘Tonight's the night!’ the pressure is going to make it damn near impossible. What's most important is that you are able to talk to your partner about what you're feeling, both during and after. So while they're fingering you, encourage them to add one finger more than normal, then another, and tell them how you feel. Slight discomfort is normal and will dissipate as your body warms up. It can also be incredibly helpful to combine other types of stimulation you enjoy. I almost always need to be using my Magic Wand externally to be able to take a fist, because otherwise, the sensation of the hand in me can be almost too overwhelming to feel good.”
Danielle: “Tips I'd give to beginners would be to go VERY slowly. I would also tell them to look up diaphragmatic breathing and practice that independently or with a partner. My sex life hasn’t been the same since I learned. If you want your pussy to expand and lengthen to fit an entire fist inside, it's super important to be able to relax those muscles. And use lots of lube—a laughable amount!”
Kim: “Communicate. Before getting into it, ask your partner what helps them build in-the-moment trust. It may be eye contact, skin contact, verbal communication, music, or something else. Be prepared for unexpected emotions. Your partner is demonstrating a lot of vulnerability, and no matter how confident or into it they are, they may have an emotional or psychological response to fisting.
"Beforehand, as the fister, make sure your nails are trimmed, and your hand is clean. When you're ready to get down to it, warm up slowly. Tell your partner what you’re doing as you’re doing it, and check in often. ‘I’m going to put a third finger inside you.’ ‘I feel you opening up.’ ‘Are you ready for more fingers?’ Make use of your mouth to give your partner’s vulva something soft and wet to contrast your bony hand. As your partner begins to open up internally, pay attention to the sensations your hand is experiencing. Where is there physical resistance? Where does it feel like there's room inside them? Is there enough lubrication? Instead of thrusting, let your wrist do the work, moving clockwise or counterclockwise, not in and out. When pulling out, do so slowly and while your partner is still aroused. Then engage in aftercare . They may need to be held, or they may need space.”
Bex: “While trying to stretch a hole, I think people often expect to be able to insert their fist palm up, the way they're used to fingering people. However, the vaginal opening is taller than it is wide, so it can help to turn your hand, so your palm is facing to the left or right, so it can fit more easily. Then, when trying to get my entire hand inside someone, especially when you are at the lowest/widest part of your hand (around the thumb knuckle), I usually hold my hand fairly still and allow them to push themselves onto it. This way, they can control the depth and speed.”—Bex
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~*Because hands are free sex toys you already own*~.
Fisting, or the act of penetrating someone with a fist, might seem pretty intense, but with the right partner, a lot of lube, and some patience, it’s doable. For many people, when they think about fisting, the thing that pops into mind is that scene in Chasing Amy where Amy makes a hole with one hand and then shoves a fist through it with the other like, “Ta-da!” and Ben Affleck's character is like, “WTF???” But it's not necessarily that WTF!
A vagina can fit a lot more than you’d think — like, a whole human baby can come out of there — and you guessed it, a human fist can fit in there as well. But fisting isn’t as simple as throwing a fist up someone’s vagina (or butt), because you pretty much can’t do that unless you have an ocean of lube and a super-relaxed vagina and maybe tiny hands. But what do you do instead?
When Cosmo consulted queer friends on the matter, one woman, Samantha, 44, said that it’s not her thing personally, but she knows a lot of lesbians who do it. She says that since she’s been with her partner in a monogamous relationship for 11 years, they’ve definitely tried a lot of things during that time, with fisting being one of them. Her advice? “Use a lot of lube and a lot of patience. It isn’t something that can be rushed, and the fist can’t just be pummeled into your partner.”
Queer porn performer Andre Shakti says she loves fisting, and it’s actually her “preferred way to get off when I’m bottoming with a partner.” Shakti also makes an excellent point about how rarely we hear about women fisting other women in movies. Most mentions of fisting in pop culture seem to be geared toward people making anal-fisting jokes that are centered “either around male homosexuality or around a man purchasing the services of a sex worker to be fisted,” Shakti tells Cosmopolitan.com. So the idea of a woman penetrating another woman with her hand is often lost on mainstream media all together.
Despite this, Shakti says she likes the feeling of “fullness” and pressure when she’s being penetrated, and nothing else she’s tried has been able to give her a comparable feeling. Shakti feels “our hands are our best sex toys, yet they are often overlooked completely or seen as reserved exclusively for foreplay,” and if you don’t have a penis, the idea of being able to insert an entire part of your body in a partner (or vice versa) can be incredibly intimate and erotic. Plus, not having to drop a ton of cash on a fancy vibrator or dildo because your hands are ~free~ is definitely an added bonus.
Carol Queen, PhD, co-author of T he Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone , says she’s always enjoyed fisting as “a very intense sexual act that’s all about appreciating fullness,” though she cautions it shouldn’t be done too quickly, especially if the receiver isn’t that turned on yet. She also recommends as much communication as possible so you can know when your receiving partner is ready for more and when they want you to stop moving.
So without further adieu, let’s dive right in (pun totally intended) with some tips on how to fist and be fisted.
Katherin Winnick, sex coach and Deputy Editor at Letstalksex.net , says that if you're on the receiving end of fisting, you can help stretch out your vagina and get used to the sensation of more than usual by trying an inflatable dildo or butt plug (if you're doing anal fisting). There are also specially designed sex toys meant to mimic the look and feel of a fist, if you wanna get realistic with it.
Winnick also says that having an orgasm (at least one, but if you go for multiple, do you!) can help relax your PC muscles and get ready for receiving.
Remember, porn really isn't a realistic portrayal of sex most times, and you def shouldn't feel like you need to compare or compete with that. Winnick says to keep in mind that porn actors (whether they're pros or even amateurs) have spent hours training and prepping for a fisting scene, and then cutting and editing the footage to make a finished product. Real life and real sex isn't like that, and that's okay!
Fisting takes practice and training and prep! Winnick notes that it's okay if the first time you try it, it's not exactly how you pictured it.
Winnick notes that if you notice spotting a few days afterwards, you should definitely check with your doctor. "Sometimes fisting can cause micro-tears in the vaginal tissue," Winnick explains. Not only are micro-tears bad news bears, but they can also be risky if you or your partner has an STI. Your best bet is to always practice safe fisting and to not be afraid to call your doctor should anything seem out of the ordinary.
Even if you wash your hands thoroughly, you want to make sure there are no abrasions from the nails or hangnails, explains Queen. It’s also super important to make sure the gloves fit well — any folds in the gloves could be uncomfortable for the bottom, adds Queen. And make sure the gloves won’t cause more of a problem than they intend to solve. If your partner has a latex allergy, go with a non-latex material.
“It’s a good idea to bring a fisting bottom down gently after the act, as well as staying in touch and checking in,” says Queen. The reason being, fisting can be a very intense sexual act, especially if you’re new to it, she explains. And while vaginal fisting isn’t as likely to cause damage as rectal fisting, damage is still possible (especially if you don’t use enough lube or wear a glove!), and therefore, it would be the fister’s responsibility to help the fistee with that afterwards.
“I tell my clients that small movements feel big,” says sex therapist and sexuality professor Erika M. Evans . Once you’re inside, try moving your wrist in small circular movements, or use your knuckles or fingers to wiggle around ever so slightly to create different sensations, says Evans.
Shakti says only half of her partners have been able to receive a full fist, because their anatomy just couldn’t accommodate an entire hand. That said, those partners were happy to fist her whether or not they previously had experience doing it, so there are ways to get around that issue of their body being like “nah.”
Shakti says that even if you think you’ve put enough lube on both your hand and your partner’s genitals, apply more. She recommends using a silicone lube like Swiss Navy , as it’s much slicker than water-based lube and is thick enough for fisting. She also says to make sure to leave lots of time to relax and experiment with your partner, because fisting is “definitely not something to try during a lunchtime quickie,” partly because it can also be super messy. Which leads me to my next point…
As a precaution, you might want to arrange some dark-colored towels or a Liberator Throe on the bed beforehand, because with all the lube you’ll be using, the odds that it’ll leak all over your sheets are very good indeed. Better safe and dry than wet
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