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"It's a bit of a kink for me to see how shocked people are about how much I can handle.”
You've heard of vaginal fingering , but what about vaginal fisting? Fingering entails inserting a finger or two into someone's vagina (and hopefully using your other digits to touch their clitoris). Fisting is an entirely different sensation for the giver and the receiver: it's when you get all five fingers in your partner's vagina, making it past the knuckles and all the way down to your wrist.
“Fisting is a bit of a misnomer because it makes it sound like the hand is entering the vagina as a balled-up, kickboxing style fist, but this is not the case,” explains queer sex educator and journalist Gabrielle Kassel . “The fingers enter the vagina as a 'duck beak' or 'Italian gesticulation' shape.”
Some advanced fisting bottoms (a.k.a. the person being fisted) may have their partner roll their fingers down into a fist once they're inside the vaginal canal, “but the hand does not start as a fist,” Kassel says.
While vaginal fisting may seem like something that only happens in porn, you can definitely pull it off in real life, with practice—and people in all types of relationships can try it out. “While people of any sexuality, kink preferences, and gender configurations can fist, in my experience, fisting is most common in kinky communities and queer partnerships,” Kassel says. “This is because both the queer and kink communities are used to expanding and exploring what can qualify as pleasure.”
To learn more about the wonderful world of fisting—including how to do it—we spoke to three experienced vaginal fisting bottoms:
Kim: “Sometimes, it feels like my partner is the puppetmaster. Their hand inside me, calling the shots, like they made marionette strings of my nervous system. Their hand movement causes corresponding involuntary movements of my limbs, face, neck, and vocal cords. Psychologically, it can put me into sub space, or it can keep me there. It's about surrendering control of my own body. But other times, it feels like I’m a fucking champion. It’s like, ‘Watch what I can do with my hole. Stick your whole fist in there, I dare you.'"
Bex: “Physically, at its simplest, it's about a feeling of fullness. It's a deep and radiating pleasure, the kind I relate to g-spot and a-spot stimulation. There's also something particularly satisfying about the moment the fist is fully inside you.
"Psychologically I very much enjoy the idea of exploring my body's limits and the challenge of taking a fist. I enjoy the feeling of satisfaction and pride when I get past that last knuckle and feel them slip into me, and I love the chance to impress my partner with how much I can take. Occasionally, it can also be emotionally intense and will sometimes leave me feeling a little vulnerable afterward, but having my partner around to cuddle me always helps.”
Danielle: “So I'm 4'10" and 85 pounds, but I have a surprisingly big pussy. It's a bit of a kink for me to see how shocked people are about how much I can handle.”
Kim: “Oh my god, all of it. With a whole hand inside me, my partner can reach places they can't access with other types of penetrative sex. They have the dexterity to feel around inside me, and I can guide them to my pleasure points. Finally, there’s a moment of ecstasy when the hand pushes all the way in, and the hole tightens around their wrist.
We hold so much power in our hands: They create, write, type, eat, open doors, and drive. Our hands are the primary appendage we use to go about our daily lives. Having someone's hand completely inside me links my momentary experience with all of the beautiful things they do with their hands. Being fisted by an artist, I become a work of art. Being fisted by an athlete, I become the game they train for. Being fisted by a skilled driver, they have command over the machine that is my body.”
Bex: “I mean, at its simplest, it feels good! I particularly enjoy the intense feeling of fullness and the fun challenge of pushing my body to see what it can do.”
Danielle: “I simply like feeling very full. There's something about the stretching of my vagina that feels really intense but wonderful. The feeling of seeing how my body reacts when I intentionally connect to it, like when I do my breathing exercises, and they work! Maybe part of me feels like a superhuman? I also always combine it with the Hitachi Magic Wand. I really can't get fisted without it.”
Kim: “Know your body. Try different angles and positions with toys for practice. In order to take an entire fist, you need to be highly aroused, properly lubricated, and as relaxed as possible. Also, communicate with your partner beforehand. (‘Before hand,’ get it?) It's good to be able to vocalize what about fisting appeals to you. Is it the power dynamic? Is it about testing your physical limits? Is it about building intimacy? Also, be in touch with your boundaries. Even if it's been thoroughly discussed, you can always change your mind. You may need to work up to it over several encounters.”
Bex: “Be patient! If you go into the experience with the expectation that ‘Tonight's the night!’ the pressure is going to make it damn near impossible. What's most important is that you are able to talk to your partner about what you're feeling, both during and after. So while they're fingering you, encourage them to add one finger more than normal, then another, and tell them how you feel. Slight discomfort is normal and will dissipate as your body warms up. It can also be incredibly helpful to combine other types of stimulation you enjoy. I almost always need to be using my Magic Wand externally to be able to take a fist, because otherwise, the sensation of the hand in me can be almost too overwhelming to feel good.”
Danielle: “Tips I'd give to beginners would be to go VERY slowly. I would also tell them to look up diaphragmatic breathing and practice that independently or with a partner. My sex life hasn’t been the same since I learned. If you want your pussy to expand and lengthen to fit an entire fist inside, it's super important to be able to relax those muscles. And use lots of lube—a laughable amount!”
Kim: “Communicate. Before getting into it, ask your partner what helps them build in-the-moment trust. It may be eye contact, skin contact, verbal communication, music, or something else. Be prepared for unexpected emotions. Your partner is demonstrating a lot of vulnerability, and no matter how confident or into it they are, they may have an emotional or psychological response to fisting.
"Beforehand, as the fister, make sure your nails are trimmed, and your hand is clean. When you're ready to get down to it, warm up slowly. Tell your partner what you’re doing as you’re doing it, and check in often. ‘I’m going to put a third finger inside you.’ ‘I feel you opening up.’ ‘Are you ready for more fingers?’ Make use of your mouth to give your partner’s vulva something soft and wet to contrast your bony hand. As your partner begins to open up internally, pay attention to the sensations your hand is experiencing. Where is there physical resistance? Where does it feel like there's room inside them? Is there enough lubrication? Instead of thrusting, let your wrist do the work, moving clockwise or counterclockwise, not in and out. When pulling out, do so slowly and while your partner is still aroused. Then engage in aftercare . They may need to be held, or they may need space.”
Bex: “While trying to stretch a hole, I think people often expect to be able to insert their fist palm up, the way they're used to fingering people. However, the vaginal opening is taller than it is wide, so it can help to turn your hand, so your palm is facing to the left or right, so it can fit more easily. Then, when trying to get my entire hand inside someone, especially when you are at the lowest/widest part of your hand (around the thumb knuckle), I usually hold my hand fairly still and allow them to push themselves onto it. This way, they can control the depth and speed.”—Bex
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