First Vibrator

First Vibrator

Tags:
vibrators
, sex
, first vibrator
, sexuality
, adolescence

During these troubling political times, independent feminist media is more vital than ever. If our bold, uncensored reporting on women’s issues is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $25, $50, or whatever you can afford, to protect and sustain BUST.com .
Thanks so much —we can’t spell BUST without U.
“Do you want me to buy you a vibrator?” Mom asks, holding up the Good Vibrations catalogue. The year is 1999. I am twelve. I know what a vibrator is from watching Slums of Beverly Hills —my favorite scene involves Marisa Tomei and Natasha Lyonne tossing the buzzing sex toy back and forth while gyrating to Parliament’s Give Up the Funk . “Sure!” I exclaim. We sit at the kitchen table and peruse the catalogue together, pens ready to mark which toys look most promising. Mom suggests one that’s thick and short, clear and curved and designed to “stimulate the G-spot.” I don’t know what the G-spot is nor how this device is meant to stimulate it, but Mom thinks it’s a solid, simple choice for my first vibrator, and she knows more about this stuff than I do. I’m not sure why Mom thinks I need a vibrator at age twelve, but I don’t question it. At the time, I don’t appreciate the progressiveness of the fact that she is buying her pre-teen daughter a sex toy. I take for granted how she is making my first lesson about sex about my own pleasure, prioritizing my needs over anyone else’s. I also don’t understand how the act of buying her young daughter a vibrator is intrinsically linked to my mother’s feminism. Feminism isn’t really on my radar.
As a teenager, the concept of feminism begins to embarrass me. It’s the early aughts, and "the F word" isn’t trending yet. To be called a feminist is tantamount to being called a bitch—roughly translated, it means you are an ugly female without a sense of humor, who hates men. Although my mother clearly identifies as a feminist, and though she definitely has a sense of humor and loves my dad, something intense and angry happens to her face whenever she speaks of feminist things. I decide this is uncool, and not something I want to emulate. Whenever some mean kid insultingly calls me a feminist, I feel my face flush as if I’ve been caught wetting the bed (something else I did for years beyond what was socially acceptable). Looking back, it seems I knew all along I really was a feminist, and hid behind this “cool girl” identity for fear of being found out. It wasn’t until post-college, when feminism started coming back into the public conversation, that I could finally embrace the angry feminist I’d always been in my heart. My mother’s daughter. Middle school graduation with Mom Two years before Mom buys me a vibrator, I’m ten and on vacation with my parents in Hawaii, staying at this amazing hotel with a bar in the swimming pool. One hot and beautiful day, I’m hanging out on the edge of the pool, getting ready to order my third Shirley Temple with extra cherries, unintentionally positioned with a jet shooting between my legs, when I’m suddenly overcome with the most incredible sensation my body has ever known. I have no idea what this means, but I can’t wait to tell Mom all about it. I scramble out of the pool. “Mom! I just found the most amazing thing!” She smiles knowingly. “The jets?” “Yes! How did you--?” “I know.” She looks nonplussed. I want to shout, why didn’t anyone tell me?! How have I lived my entire life up to this point completely ignorant of the magic of swimming pool jets? It’s not until years later that I realize this is probably not the kind of thing most girls would immediately run to tell their mothers. But this was, and always has been, our relationship. I tell her everything and she, in turn, tells me everything.
Enjoying the jets Mom tells me about when she recklessly slutted around New York City in the '70s, before AIDS came along and scared the crap out of everyone. She tells me how one Valentine’s Day, she shaved her pubic hair into a heart shape and bleached one half platinum and dyed the other half black, a gift for her current boyfriend. She tells me about the time she met a strange man in a bar and went back to his apartment where they played chess and then he told her to take off all her clothes and tried to rape her, so she ran outside stark naked to get the police. At age six, when I ask what this rounded piece of flesh-colored latex is doing on the edge of the bathtub, Mom tells me it’s her diaphragm and it’s to keep her from getting pregnant when she and Dad have sex. As a teenager, I ask Mom why a man would go down on a woman. Her face lights up as though she’s about to impart some deep feminine wisdom. “Because women are delicious,” she says plainly. I don’t realize how, by openly acknowledging her own sexuality, Mom is implicitly teaching me another lesson, this time about shamelessness. Never once do I hear the words, “That’s not appropriate to talk about.” My childhood curiosity is encouraged. Nothing is off limits. When my vibrator arrives in the mail, I just stare at it. It’s short and fat and I’m thinking, there’s no way that thing is fitting inside my twelve-year-old vagina . I haven’t even successfully put in a tampon at this point. The day it arrives, I can’t wait to get to school. At recess, I sit on the bleachers with a bunch of my peers and hold forth about my new sex toy. In a more conservative setting, I may have been teased, even shamed; in this hippie NorCal beach town, the kids are jealous and awe-struck and I can feel them looking at me with a newfound sense of admiration.
That night, I lie down and stare up at the No Doubt poster hanging over my twin bed. I move the vibrating head down towards my general area, not really aiming. Who even knows where anything is at this point? I don’t try to put it actually inside my vagina—the thing is literally huge—I just sort of hold it between my legs. It doesn’t blow my mind, but it’s pretty good. Maybe not the fireworks display I was expecting, but it feels reminiscent of the swimming pool jets. I mean, the jets gave me my first moment of clitoral awareness, so naturally made quite an impression. I can’t actually make myself come with my vibrator, but it’s not for want of trying. In a time before infinitely available Internet porn, finding sexy stuff to masturbate to is a more creative endeavor. My porn is: the scene in Boogie Nights when they’re shooting a sex scene and Julianne Moore tells Mark Wahlberg, “Come inside me, I’m fixed”; the scene in Fear when Wahlberg fingers Reese Witherspoon on the rollercoaster with Wild Horses playing in the background; the scene in Cruel Intentions when Sarah Michelle Gellar sits on Ryan Phillippe’s lap and gives him a hand job. Then there’s the weirder stuff: the scene in John Waters’ Pink Flamingos when Divine, the 300 pound drag queen, blows her son while they’re burgling a house; the scene in John Waters’ Female Trouble when Divine is raped by a trucker on a bare mattress on the side of the road.
These scenes I keep cued up on VHS tapes that I record at my grandparents’ house when I visit them in New Jersey for three months every summer. I load up the tapes with as much erotica as possible, my jerk-off material for the remaining nine months of the year—my parents don’t have cable television. These particular scenes are well worn. I furiously rewind them over and over again as I lie on my twin bed with the vibrating head balanced against my crotch. I don’t realize at the time that Mom buying me a vibrator will become a foundational story of my childhood, something I tell people when I really want them to understand who I am. Perhaps it’s because I was encouraged to overshare as a child, but I’m proud of the fact that Mom bought me a vibrator when I was twelve. Especially now that I’m out of the hippie liberal bubble of the town where I grew up, I see that the way my mother raised me was in powerful denial of the sex-negative, Puritan-founded culture we still live in.
Angry feminist/My mother's daughter I had that vibrator for twelve years. It finally died in 2011—by that time, the clear plastic was discolored and the technology seriously outdated. My boyfriend bought me a pearl rabbit, by all accounts a far superior piece of equipment. But I do have fond memories of my first vibrator, because it was old school and Mom picked it out for me, and it taught me at a very young age to have no shame about my sexuality; that it’s normal to be horny as fuck when you’re twelve. Published June 2, 2016
Ava Bogle is a feminist sex blogger at Diary of a Slutty Feminist . Follow her on Twitter @slutty_feminist .
You have successfully joined our subscriber list.
BUST is one of the last remaining women-owned, independent feminist publications, and we need you. For 29 years we've been bringing our readers the unvarnished truth about women’s lives, both in print and online, but now, with print costs rising and advertising numbers dropping across the industry, we need your support to continue . If you dig what we do, please consider subscribing, renewing, or donating to keep us afloat. Every dollar helps. Thank you.

Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
It was one of those lipstick vibes. Small, but powerful. It felt odd to use it that first time. I can still remember my hesitancy. I waited until my kids had gone to their father's house for the night, double-checked that all of the doors were locked and headed upstairs to my bedroom.
Editor at MiddleSexy.com and writer at Life’s Dewlaps. Mother, former divorcee, wife.
Nov 17, 2014, 06:03 PM EST | Updated Jan 17, 2015
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
Man Finds Tiny Creature In Backyard
12 Foods You Can Eat a Lot of Without Getting Fat
Always Put A Crayon In Your Wallet When Traveling
Researchers Discover Skeleton At Polish Cemetery That's Straight Out Of A Horror Film
Zac Efron Reveals He Used 'Powerful Diuretics' To Achieve His 'Baywatch' Body
Police Arrest Suspect In Memphis Shootings Reportedly Livestreamed On Facebook
'Lord Of The Rings' Cast Takes Strong Stance Against Racist Backlash
Clark County Administrator Rob Telles Arrested In Killing Of Vegas Reporter Jeff German
Nicole Byer Reveals A Casting Director Once Asked Her To ‘Be Blacker’
10 Black Women Activists You Didn't Learn About In High School
Anchor Who Had Partial Stroke On TV Shares Jumbled Text She Sent Her Husband
Jennette McCurdy's Mom Wrote Her A Shockingly Cruel Email, Then Asked For Money
Bolsonaro Reiterates Threats To Brazilian Democracy During Independence Day Rallies
Obama White House Portraits Revealed
Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Editor at MiddleSexy.com and writer at Life’s Dewlaps. Mother, former divorcee, wife.
Twelve years ago, after I got divorced, a close friend gave me a vibrator and told me to go home and use it.
I was almost 40 years old. And I had never seen one up close before.
It was one of those lipstick vibes. Small, but powerful. It felt odd to use it that first time. I can still remember my hesitancy. I waited until my kids had gone to their father's house for the night, double-checked that all of the doors were locked and headed upstairs to my bedroom.
It felt good. Like wow good. I couldn't remember the last time I had had an orgasm. In the year or so leading up to my divorce, my sexuality had gone into hibernation mode. Too much stress and angst caused by my slowly disintegrating marriage.
It took a long time for me to really feel comfortable in my own skin again. But slowly arousing my sexuality, with the help of a vibrator, was just what I needed. I didn't have to worry about safe sex or feeling awkward about being with someone new after having been with my ex for the last 10 years.
I've since remarried and expanded my vibrator collection. Not because I don't celebrate my sexuality with my husband, but because I do . I use toys both with him and without. Like most couples our age, we lead lives that are full of work and kids and other commitments. Many nights, we go to bed at different times. Celebrating my sexuality without him only enhances the times that we are intimate.
You don't need to get divorced to rediscover your sexuality. You just need to have an open mind and be willing to start getting in touch with a part of you that may have been taking a long nap. Because it's there. And now is the time to wake it up.
If you're worried about running in to one of your kid's teachers at your local adult toy store, order online. You won't have to sacrifice your anonymity.
And once a month, I'll be sharing some of my favorite sex toys over at MiddleSexy. Check out what I have to say about the We-Vibe III .
Editor at MiddleSexy.com and writer at Life’s Dewlaps. Mother, former divorcee, wife.

The 27 Best Vibrators for Beginners, According to Experts
Ready to up the ante on your orgasm?
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Why Do I Have 1 to 3 Sharp Little Chin Hairs That Just Keep Coming Back?
15 Best Gifts That I Received During Cancer Treatment
Pete Buttigieg Shared the ‘Terror’ and ‘Hope’ of Parenting After Both His Kids Were Hospitalized
Kate Sloan is a writer specializing in sex, kink, and relationships. Her writing has appeared in publications like Cosmopolitan, Teen Vogue, and Glamour. She writes the award-winning sex blog GirlyJuice.net and also cohosts the acclaimed podcasts The Dildorks and Question Box . Her book 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do launches in October 2021.... Read more
23 Best Bullet Vibrators for Discreet, Palm-Size Pleasure
Travel-friendly toys from We-Vibe, Lelo, and Dame.
Dame's Labor Day Sale Is On—Here Are the Best Sex Toys to Stock Up On
Pick out a new vibrator (or two, or three).
The 13 Best Approach Shoes for Hiking and Climbing, According to Experts
Watch Charli D'Amelio Share Her Wellness Essentials With SELF
Including the sunglasses she wears at night and the stuffed animal that helps when she's lonely.
The 35 Best Birthday Gifts Under $50 for Women
Silk pillowcases, tote bags, jewelry, and more.
Including card games, creams, and keychains.
72 Gifts for the Wellness Enthusiast in Your Life
Thoughtful presents for their mind and body.
The Best of Wellness: 9 Products We’re Loving Right Now
Including electrolyte packets, Mojave candles, and a planner to organize life, work, and everything in between.
Discover new workout ideas, healthy-eating recipes, makeup looks, skin-care advice, the best beauty products and tips, trends, and more from SELF.
Looking for the best vibrators for beginners can be overwhelming—there’s a truly wild amount of options out there. Vibrators have existed for over a century, but it’s only in the past few decades that they’ve become a widespread, everyday component of human sexuality. Today, 78% of adult women in the U.S. own a vibrator, making it the most popular type of sex toy on the market.
It’s easy to see why: Vibrators can be used either solo or with a partner, are known to increase sexual desire and arousal , and are even a science-backed treatment for various sex-related medical issues. In other words, buying a vibe is a powerful act of self-care.
But how do you shop for a vibrator (and incorporate it into your sex life) if you’ve never tried one before? We’ve got you covered.
“I think a good place to start is to look at what kind of stimulation you already enjoy,” advises Amy Norton , a sex educator and sex toy reviewer. “If you’re into clitoral stimulation, I might suggest something like a bullet vibrator; if you’re more into G-spot stimulation, I might suggest something that’s designed for internal use. If you like both at the same time, that’s where a rabbit vibrator or dual-stimulation vibe can come in handy.” You can assess this by thinking about how you tend to masturbate and/or what aspects of sex you particularly enjoy. Grinding? Oral? Fingering? Penetration? Something else entirely?
The next thing to consider when choosing your first vibrator, Norton says, is whether you’re into broad stimulation or more pinpointed sensations. When you receive oral sex, for example, what tends to feel better for you: a wide, flat tongue pressed against your whole vulva, or the tip of a tongue tracing your clitoris or labia? This distinction can inform whether you’ll go for a big, all-encompassing vibrator, like a wand, or something slimmer, like a bullet.
Intensity of vibrations is also an important factor. It can be hard to know what you need in this regard if you’ve never used a vibrator, but Norton suggests thinking about whether you tend to prefer firm, rough stimulation (say, from a partner’s hand, or your own), or a lighter, gentler touch. If you’re not sure, or if your preferences tend to vary, she recommends getting a vibrator with multiple vibration modes and different speeds, as opposed to a classic two-speed wand (“I like to say that they have two settings: ‘high’ and ‘holy shit,’” Norton says).
Another crucial consideration is vibration quality . According to Bex Caputo , a sex educator and former sex toy salesperson, there are two main types of vibration: rumbly and buzzy. Rumbly vibration can be felt more deeply in the body, tends to cause less of the temporary desensitization some people dislike about vibrators, and is usually found in midrange to high-end toys. Buzzy vibration, on the other hand, feels more surface level, is more prone to causing numbness, and is most prevalent in cheaper toys. “If you can get your hands on a toy”—such as at a sex shop—“you can notice whether that sensation feels pleasant on your fingers,” Caputo says. If your fingers start to feel numb, itchy, or uncomfortable just from holding a vibrator while it’s turned on, the vibrations probably won’t feel good on your genitals eith
Son Massage Sex
Sensual Orchid Extrait De Parfum
Naked Https

First Vibrator

Report Page