First Time Anal No Lube
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First Time Anal No Lube
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Tried anal sex without any lube for the first time..
sex
pain
pregnancy
fear
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Earlier this month I met a guy online and we got sexual very early on. When we were messing around, we tried anal. He just took his penis and stuck it in my anus, and it hurt like hell He didnt use any lube or a condom(he wants to avoid pregnancy scares so this is why we tried it). I couldn't take the pain so I told him to stop midway. I dont know if I could technically say we had anal because it didnt go all the way in there. but anyway is it typical for people to have anal sex without lube?
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Not only does sex (anal or vaginal) without a condom put you at risk for contracting an STD, but it does so at a higher rate if you don't use lube. Because you can get micro-tears in your anal tissue and when his bodily fluids (semen) get into the small tears, the infectious germs will enter your bloodstream easily. Even if he doesn't ejaculate, his pre-cum can transmit blood borne viruses like HIV, hepatitis, and bacteria like syphilis. You also don't know him well and got sexual early, so you don't know his history well (and so what he may be carrying).
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Why not ? he is a nice guy after all
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You believed him that he was std free?
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I asked if we could go together to get tested but he declined. I didnt want to press the issue and left it alone. I just took his word that he was clean. Nothing much I can do
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I didn't want to ruin the mood and he was so excited to try it I couldn't say no .
I asked if we could go together to get tested but he declined. I didnt want to press the issue and left it alone. I just took his word that he was clean. Nothing much I can do
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By
invisiblecloud ,
November 12, 2015 in Sex and Romance
Earlier this month I met a guy online and we got sexual very early on. When we were messing around, we tried anal. He just took his penis and stuck it in my anus, and it hurt like hell He didnt use any lube or a condom(he wants to avoid pregnancy scares so this is why we tried it). I couldn't take the pain so I told him to stop midway. I dont know if I could technically say we had anal because it didnt go all the way in there. but anyway is it typical for people to have anal sex without lube?
Some women can handle it without lube, and some prefer it.
To avoid pregnancy the "other way", just use a condom.
Some women can handle it without lube, and some prefer it.
To avoid pregnancy the "other way", just use a condom.
he wanted to ejaculate inside my anus so thats why he didnt want to use a condom
You need to keep in mind that unprotected anal sex puts you at risk of not only contracting HIV/AIDS, but other STDs as well, so pregnancy is the least of your concern.Even if neither of you have an STD, there is a risk of bacterial infection. You should use a condom ,better safe than sorry
Not only does sex (anal or vaginal) without a condom put you at risk for contracting an STD, but it does so at a higher rate if you don't use lube. Because you can get micro-tears in your anal tissue and when his bodily fluids (semen) get into the small tears, the infectious germs will enter your bloodstream easily. Even if he doesn't ejaculate, his pre-cum can transmit blood borne viruses like HIV, hepatitis, and bacteria like syphilis. You also don't know him well and got sexual early, so you don't know his history well (and so what he may be carrying).
I strongly urge you to get a full panel of tests for all STDs (make sure they include herpes) in 3 months, and then again at 6 months to be sure you're clear, and don't have any unprotected sex, oral or genital, until you have your results. You can't get tested right away because it takes your body a while to start showing signs of having been exposed to the infection in your blood tests.
And no, it's not common to try anal without lube. Nature did not design the anus to self-lubricate, like the vagina does to make penetration possible. So if you stick a dry penis into a dry, tight orifice, that's going to be very painful, especially with more friction. I have never heard of anyone experienced in anal doing it without a lot of lube, and also warming up to go in gradually. This guy sounds like he's very sexually ignorant. Having unprotected sex with a girl he doesn't know well is just the start of it, but then also how he went about it is pretty clueless.
But you should also be aware of what's going on when you're in bed with someone and what they're doing. It sounds like he got pretty far without you truly wanting what he was doing, and you have to take an active role instead of letting a guy just do his thing. Communicate while things are happening so you're prepared for what's going on -- this is your body, it's not just a "thing" for a guy to do things to. You should not feel you just have to go along with whatever is happening.
I am a woman who likes it that way and without lube but by golly if you try to stick that thing in me anywhere without first making sure I'm ready? Ha, then it's over. Store's closed. Everyone go home, there's nothing to see here, folks. Seriously, he just stuck it? No conversation? No agreement? No protective layer though you hardly knew each other? This guy is an [name banned by ena but particularly relevant here] and therefore, he can just go [verb] himself.
Sorry for the outburst, but he was rude, clumsy, selfish, and untrustworthy. I'd kick him to the curb,where six layers of clothes if you ever see him again, and give him a 1 star rating in your little black book. Jerk. A smart man will ALWAYS make sure you are hot, desirous, and lubricated regardless of the source. Ooohh I don't like this man one bit. Not one. I'm still mad, hitting "post" and ranting in private.
My gosh I wasn't aware of this at all. I did hear that it can increase risk of STD but he said he had been tested and everything came back clear so I trusted him.
I strongly urge you to get a full panel of tests for all STDs (make sure they include herpes) in 3 months, and then again at 6 months to be sure you're clear, and don't have any unprotected sex, oral or genital, until you have your results. You can't get tested right away because it takes your body a while to start showing signs of having been exposed to the infection in your blood tests.
He couldn't get his penis all the way in because it was painful for me, so you still think there's a chance to transmit STDs?
And no, it's not common to try anal without lube. Nature did not design the anus to self-lubricate, like the vagina does to make penetration possible. So if you stick a dry penis into a dry, tight orifice, that's going to be very painful, especially with more friction. I have never heard of anyone experienced in anal doing it without a lot of lube, and also warming up to go in gradually. This guy sounds like he's very sexually ignorant. Having unprotected sex with a girl he doesn't know well is just the start of it, but then also how he went about it is pretty clueless.
But you should also be aware of what's going on when you're in bed with someone and what they're doing. It sounds like he got pretty far without you truly wanting what he was doing, and you have to take an active role instead of letting a guy just do his thing. Communicate while things are happening so you're prepared for what's going on -- this is your body, it's not just a "thing" for a guy to do things to. You should not feel you just have to go along with whatever is happening.
I am a woman who likes it that way and without lube but by golly if you try to stick that thing in me anywhere without first making sure I'm ready? Ha, then it's over. Store's closed. Everyone go home, there's nothing to see here, folks. Seriously, he just stuck it? No conversation? No agreement? No protective layer though you hardly knew each other? This guy is an [name banned by ena but particularly relevant here] and therefore, he can just go [verb] himself.
Sorry for the outburst, but he was rude, clumsy, selfish, and untrustworthy. I'd kick him to the curb,where six layers of clothes if you ever see him again, and give him a 1 star rating in your little black book. Jerk. A smart man will ALWAYS make sure you are hot, desirous, and lubricated regardless of the source. Ooohh I don't like this man one bit. Not one. I'm still mad, hitting "post" and ranting in private.
He's not a bad guy at all. He was just so excited that he got carried away and stuck it in there without taking the proper precautions. Prior to that we had been having oral so I was turned on, the only thing we needed was some lube. I'll be sure to bring that next time with us
You believed him that he was std free?
Why not ? he is a nice guy after all
"Nice" is a low bar that may or may not include someone with integrity.
When talking about your health, the risks are too high to depend on trust. Instead, make a habit of using a condom.
One of the ways I think about a man being nice is he uses a condom regardless; I am not put in the position of requiring it of him.
We are now November 12. So you couldn't have known him for more than 10 days, right? And you already had unprotected oral and anal sex...why? What do you *know* about him? What he told you? I can tell you I am a billionaire, would you believe me? The guy is not a nice guy by any stretch of the imagination, he is after easy sex and selfish to boot! Nobody in their right mind would expose another (and themselves) to STDs like that, ok let's say he knew he was clear (very doubtful but just for the sake of the argument), how did he know 100% that you were? When you see a guy not caring about a woman's STD status (and don't tell me that you told him you were clean, when it comes to STDs "telling" is worthless, you need to see proof), you run away, because it means he's done it many times before and he's ridden with them!
Then comes the selfish part...seriously??? Let's do anal because I can't let the night pass without getting sex from you, I don't want to get you pregnant and be tied to you for life, so let's just jam it in there without any preparations and let's go to town??? What kind of a moron thinks that way? Disgusting, and unbelievable that in this day and age there are still people ignorant to this degree! This very thing tells me he's got no long term plans for you, you are just another notch on his belt. Guys who are interested in more have a completely different approach to things.
Anal sex is the #1 way to get infected with HIV, more so than vaginal sex. Because it's a very tender area, not self lubricating and with tons of veins, it is very prone to tears, and the tiniest amount of pre-cum can pass the virus easily. You both need to educate yourselves on this, before jumping in bed with strangers!
You'd do better to go get yourself checked out at the 3-months mark, and until then, please read up on STDs and educate yourself, so you are not tempted to try any kind of sex again with strangers, without protection. If you are both looking for casual, meaningless sex, by all means, do it. But at least be smart about it!
When talking about your health, the risks are too high to depend on trust. Instead, make a habit of using a condom.
One of the ways I think about a man being nice is he uses a condom regardless; I am not put in the position of requiring it of him.
You have three months before you can test for Hiv now. That's the window period before antibodies can be detected in your blood.
Unprotected anal is one of the riskier behaviour for hiv. Never trust someone else to tell you their status. A lot of people won't even know
You and you alone are responsible for your sexual health. You need to educate yourself.
Then comes the selfish part...seriously??? Let's do anal because I can't let the night pass without getting sex from you, I don't want to get you pregnant and be tied to you for life, so let's just jam it in there without any preparations and let's go to town??? What kind of a moron thinks that way? Disgusting, and unbelievable that in this day and age there are still people ignorant to this degree! This very thing tells me he's got no long term plans for you, you are just another notch on his belt. Guys who are interested in more have a completely different approach to things.
Anal sex is the #1 way to get infected with HIV, more so than vaginal sex. Because it's a very tender area, not self lubricating and with tons of veins, it is very prone to tears, and the tiniest amount of pre-cum can pass the virus easily. You both need to educate yourselves on this, before jumping in bed with strangers!
You'd do better to go get yourself checked out at the 3-months mark, and until then, please read up on STDs and educate yourself, so you are not tempted to try any kind of sex again with strangers, without protection. If you are both looking for casual, meaningless sex, by all means, do it. But at least be smart about it!
Only comment: OP has done a great job of not estimating her worth based on her value to him. Whatever her value to him, even if it was just the one experience, maybe that's okay. In that case, even more important to know how to be your own best advocate, to put your own voice first as a way of enhancing the mood. "I don't want to kill the mood by pushing myself into her body in a place or at a pace that might cause her discomfort" sounds like a way to protect the mood. "Hey, wait, I'd like to try that but you need to go slow" is a way to protect the mood. "Let me try inserting a finger first" is a way to protect the mood.
You both
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