First Sex Full

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First Sex Full
By Hannah Orenstein Updated: Nov 25, 2019
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"Afterwards, I expected to feel more mature and more confident, but I really just felt the same as I always have."
Thanks to thee unrealistic standards constantly portrayed in media , we've all built up this imaginary idea of what sex is supposed to be like. Some people expect a romantic night of candles and passion, while others think it will be the most pleasure they've ever felt in their whole life . But the truth is, everyone's experience is different. Sometimes it's smooth and romantic and lives up to your expectations, while other times, it's kind of terrible.
But no matter how old you are or what the circumstances are, having sex for the first time can feel like a huge deal! So, to give you a better idea about what your first time may be like, we talked to 43 girls about the first time they had sex — how they knew they were ready, who they did it with, and how they felt afterward.
1. "He knew I was a virgin and for some reason, I had this expectation of it being magical, which in all honesty, it wasn't. He kept his face buried in my shoulder/neck the whole time and asked if I was okay once during, which I thought was kind of inconsiderate. I think I would have enjoyed it more if he had checked in with me to see if my needs were being met, which they weren't . At the time, I was blinded by my love, so I chose to look past that." — Hafeezah, 22
2. "It was not romantic at all. It was messy, drunk and horny. I was 17, drunk at a beach concert, called a guy that we had an on and off thing and we had sex in the back of his pickup car. Then, he went to study abroad and we never spoke about it , until like 2 years later." — Bianca, 23
3. "I was a sophomore in high school and at a Halloween party. I got pretty drunk and had sex with one of my childhood friends (on his birthday) in the basement of his house. Then, the next day, I found out one of my best friends also had sex for the first time that night . So to this day, she and I will text each other on October 30 to say happy anniversary." — Tory, 24
4. "We were 17 and we needed a time when our parents weren’t home, so we waited until Christmas Eve when his parents had left for a holiday party. I was so incredibly nervous — I think we both were. So we lit candles and took it slow . To be honest it hurt like hell. But other than that I think it was pretty perfect as far as virgins go." — Debby, 22
5. "It was after homecoming and we were just in his room. It all happened pretty naturally. It wasn't painful, but it honestly didn't feel like anything at all was happening . And then 1-2 minutes later it was over." — Jasmyne, 21
6. "I was 17 when I first had sex. I lost my virginity to someone I actually cared about, which doesn’t mean much to me looking back now, but it was important to me back then. It was late at night and we were in the backseat of his car . I was really nervous, but he was patient and managed to make me feel comfortable and sexy, even. I don’t regret anything and for that I’m thankful." — Jennifer, 22
7. "It was nothing like I imagined. I felt comfortable, but out of nowhere, I got really nervous . He told me to relax and that we didn't have to continue if I didn't want to, but I did. It was very painful to the point that I had to stop because I was in so much pain. I felt a little ashamed and embarrassed because I imaged something different and I thought he was disappointed in the experience. He was so understanding and he said it was fine and that he wanted me to be okay, and that we didn't have to continue. He made me feel better about the experience, and we are still together two and a half years later." — Katie, 24
8. "I wasn't "in love" or whatever, but I guess I never expected to be. He made me feel comfortable and respected, so one night, I went over and we had sex. It wasn't awkward or weird, and it wasn't this special magical moment either . We went to a diner the next morning for breakfast and texted my best friend group chat the link to Lonely's Island's "I Just Had Sex," and I think they were more excited about it than me to be honest." — Tiffany, 21
9. "Truthfully, it wasn't enjoyable. I wasn't ready at all and he was . And then it sort of just happened to me rather than me choosing whether or not I wanted to." — Alex, 22
10. "I was on senior week, and I was hanging out with the boy I liked. His friend was asleep in his hotel room, so we did it on the balcony . It was completely unplanned, but I've never regretted it. I'm still friends with the guy, too." — Kelsey, 23
11. "It was the summer after high school for me, sort of an in the heat of the moment type of situation with this guy I'd been talking to for a while. Surprisingly, it wasn't uncomfortable . It didn't hurt or anything like I'd expected, which was interesting!" — Anumeha, 21
12. "My first time was with my boyfriend of a few months. I was 19. After class, I hung out with my boyfriend at his house (he lives with his parents). Later, I snuck back in after his parents fell asleep. It was super unexpected and definitely not planned. I know that I was ready to have sex, but the nervousness of being COMPLETELY NUDE in front of my boyfriend for the first time PLUS being in his house when I wasn't supposed to be made it hard for me to let myself really feel good. I didn't necessarily feel bad, and I definitely don't regret any of it, the circumstances just made it hard for me to let go and loosen up. Thinking back to it eight months and many sexy times later, I honestly wouldn't change anything. I've grown so much more comfortable with sex, and I can thank my boyfriend for that for being kind and gentle." — Maggie, 19
13. "My mom tried to have an open and honest conversation about having sex so that I would feel less nervous when the time came. But the conversation was always about boys, never about being sexual with girls , so I felt completely unprepared when I went to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time." — Brooklyn, 22
14. "I was 18 and I kinda just wanted to get it over with. It was the summer after I graduated from high school and I was on a date with this kid I knew since elementary school. We had talked about it before and we got this cheap motel and we did it. I felt kinda numb until the next morning, when I got in the shower and cried for an hour." — Ari, 21
15. "I lost my virginity at 14. It wasn't a big deal in my mind, as I'd lose it one day anyway, so why not then? I was talking to the boy for awhile and he made me feel like it was the right thing to do. I imagined it'd be like in the movies — all sweet and romantic, all planned out. It wasn't! It was awkward and I didn't really know what to do. Since then, my experiences have gotten better as I now know what I'm doing." — Jenna, 17
16. "I was 17 and my best friend was a 21-year-old guy. We always joked about marriage, and he was cute, but I never felt attracted to him. One day, we went hiking, and he kissed me at the top of the peak, and I felt excited. He was older, his arms were strong, and he wasn't aggressive like the boys I kissed in my grade. He was my best friend and we were kissing — what!!! Anyway, that summer, we talked about having sex, but he insisted that I had to be 18. Finally, my birthday came, and his family was home, so we snuck into his backyard and went into a children's playhouse adorned with little kitchenware and dolls. So not sexy. It was awkward and it didn't really work. He blamed me for it. It was really immature. Also, after having sex with guys, I've realized that sex with girls is more my speed — more fun." — Naomi, 21
17. "I was 16 years old and it was right after I went on a hike with my boyfriend. I had always been nervous about the idea of sex. I had so many questions about how it would feel. But we discussed it and we both agreed we trusted each other fully. At first, it felt weird — not painful, but just a completely different feeling. My advice is to make sure you trust this person so you can enjoy it even if it is awkward at first." — Carina, 19
18. "I wanted to have sex before college because I didn't want my first time to be a one-night stand after a party. I had met this guy online when I was younger and we had been talking for awhile. I had gone to see him a couple times and he said he didn't want to be my first. But then on New Year's Eve, he invited me over and we ended up having sex. I felt super weird after, because I was like, maybe I should've waited for someone I loved. I really think that shapes how I treat sex now. I know a lot of people whose first time was with someone they loved, and now sex is this sacred thing for them — whereas for me, sex is really just an act of pleasure." — Phoebe, 23
19. "I was 18 and in a long-distance relationship. My boyfriend was visiting and it felt right at the time. But then he had to leave to go back to school, and I was left with a lot of emotions, including regret and shame. I missed him and I felt overwhelmed. Even though we aren't dating anymore, I really did love him and a part of me always will." — Sammy, 18
20. "I was 16. My boyfriend at the time and I had been together for about eight months and things were getting serious, so we decided to do it. I was expecting it to be so nice and amazing, but instead it was so painful. It only lasted a couple of seconds. " — Katelyn, 20
21. "I had been dating a guy for less than a month when he told me, 'We need to have sex so we can figure out if we have a spark to continue dating.' I was 18 and wanted to lose my virginity so I could fit in, but also because I really liked this guy. We had sex in a car (how romantic, right?). I was so nervous that he wouldn't feel that 'spark,' but he did. At the time, I felt amazing. I thought I found the guy of my dreams and that we'd get married. We're no longer together, but I don't regret the experience. I just wished I had known I didn't need to have sex with a guy for him to approve of me or continue dating me. " — Mikayla, 20
22. "I love my boyfriend and I was ready, so we had sex. I'm on the Pill and we used condoms. It didn't hurt at all. I was so happy to be making love with him. I liked the feeling of being so close to him. But physically I thought it felt weird — like it didn't really feel all that great and I didn't feel tons of pleasure. Afterwards, I expected to feel more mature and more confident, but I really just felt the same as I always have. I don't really feel like losing your virginity is as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be. I'm happy that I had my first time with someone I love , so, in that aspect, losing my virginity was really great because of how much I love my boyfriend." — Krista, 19
23. "I lost it when I was 14 on my boyfriend's brother's futon and I bled all over the pristine white comforter. If it had been with anyone other than my boyfriend it would have been sooo embarrassing. " — Kelsey, 22
24. "I had a group of friends over on a Friday night my first semester of college. One friend asked if he could crash at my place. I wasn't expecting it to turn into anything — I didn't even know he felt attracted to me that way. It was very spur of the moment, but we did use a condom. He was my good friend and I trusted him, so even though we didn't talk about it beforehand, it felt right and okay and was even pretty exciting." — Beatrice, 19
25. "At 17, I was convinced I was the very last virgin in college. I was obsessed with the fact that I was a virgin, sizing up my classmates, puzzling over whether any of them were virgins, too. One of my high school crushes invited me to hang out one weekend, and according to my experienced roommate, it was apparent that he wanted to have sex. We used protection. He was considerate and gentle and quite kind. The experience as a whole was very positive. I didn't have sex again for another two and a half years. I was ready and glad to no longer be a virgin, but I was not ready for the risk and responsibility of being sexually active. I have no regrets — either about how I lost my virginity or how long it took me to have sex again, because both were a reflection of me being good and ready." — Chloe, 22
26. "I lost my virginity when I was 15 to my boyfriend who was 17 at the time. We decided to do it after about three months of dating, when I knew for sure I was ready. We used a condom. Honestly, I didn't feel different after than I did before. Maybe just a little more mature. If you really think you're ready, and you and your partner protect yourselves, it can be a really cool thing. " — Kayleigh, 17
27. "Though I was an 'early' bloomer when it came to kissing and dating, I was 20 when I lost my virginity. I decided that I wanted to wait until college to lose it, but when I finally got to college, I didn't really meet anyone that I wanted to have sex with, especially not for my first time. I ultimately decided to lose it to a guy that I really, really liked but wasn't in a relationship with. I was just so ready to 'get it over with,' and this guy was (and still is) a great guy. My one regret in the entire experience is that I didn't tell him that I was a virgin. To this day he doesn't know! I was so scared that I was going to freak him out, but really, a lot of awkwardness could have been avoided if I'd just been honest." — Shannon, 22
28. " I'd always thought I would wait until marriage , but the older I got, the bigger the fuss about sex got. I was 17 and I just wanted to get it over with. I asked one of the people that knew me best at the time, my sort-of boyfriend, if he would take my virginity, and he agreed. We used condoms. At first, we couldn't find the hole, but eventually, we did. Afterwards, I didn't feel much different. " — Alby, 18
29. "I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 11 months when I was 16. He was two years older than me and not a virgin, and he had been trying to persuade me for a couple months beforehand. When we finally did have sex, it was when I was ready. I was glad that I didn't give in until I was really ready. It was painful and slightly awkward. I had this weird feeling of elation once it was over, though, because I had always wondered what it would be like, and it had finally happened. I've never had any real regrets about the person I experienced it with or how it went down. (Although I will say it would have been better in a bed and not in the passenger seat of a Honda Civic...)" — Andi, 21
30. "I guess it was two or three months into my relationship with my first girlfriend when I was 15. There wasn't one specific moment when it happened. It was more of a progression from one stage to the next rather than 'here's the moment I lost my virginity' because we're both girls. I was excited and nervous and happy about the whole thing." — Sophie, 17
31. "When I was 17, I had this guy friend who I had been friends with for a while. We were both virgins and just wanted to get it over with. It wasn't pleasurable or even fun, and throughout the entire process all I could think about was, when will this be over? Moral of the story — wait until you're really ready." — Lee, 22
32. "My first time sucked. It was during my freshman year of college with an upperclassman frat bro. We'd been talking for months and I was convinced he liked me, though looking back on it now, his texts of 'What are you doing tonight?' weren't so much him liking me as they were him just wanting to get into my pants. Although he was relatively sweet to me during it, it still hurt like a b*tch and I got nothing out of it. At all. What stung the most was what happened after. He didn't text me at all and when I saw him at a party the next weekend he completely avoided me. If I walked into a room and we made eye contact he would immediately turn and walk out. It felt like a huge slap in the face. I liked him, but he had finally gotten what he wanted and that was it. He was over me. I wanted nothing more than to go up to him and yell and ask him why he was being so mean to me when I had done nothing wrong, but every weekend he would completely avoid me or be talking with another girl when I walked by. I have to admit that I'm still not 100% over it or him." — Cassidy, 19
33 . "I was 17 and had been dating a guy for about two months. I knew I wanted to sleep with him. I thought about it for about a week to be sure, but I knew I was ready. I brought it up first, but quickly added that if he didn't want to yet, we could wait. He immediately said he wanted to, but asked about five times if I was sure I was ready, making sure I knew that he wouldn't care if I changed my mind. He made me feel safe, he made me happy, and that made me even more sure than before that I wanted to sleep with him." — Emily, 19
34. "I lost my virginity when I was 15 years old. It was with a guy friend that I spent a lot of time with and did physical things with, but we weren't technically in a relationship. However, we were really good friends and I felt comfortable with him. Sex had been in the back of my mind for a while. I asked him about one month in advance if he wanted to do it with me, and he said yes. He had never had sex before, either. We used a condom, which he more than willingly agreed to do. Before we did it, I felt extremely nervous, but a good kind of nervous – it was something I really wanted to do, I just didn't want to mess it up. Afterward, I honestly felt closer to him emotionally and physically, and I could tell he did too. Our relationship ended up becoming more serious and eventually we started dating for real." — Amanda, 23
35. "I lost mine last year, when I was 19. The guy I lost it to was my first love. When we finally tried to have sex, it hurt unusually badly. We kept trying the whole night, but it just wasn't happening. I eventually found out I had cysts on my ovaries. We broke up about five months later. Afterwards, I thought I had wasted that special moment on someone who didn't deserve it. But now, I'm grateful because that experience probably saved my life. We are on good terms now, so I'm glad to say it wasn't a mistake." — Rachel, 20
36. "I was 19. It happened during a Netflix and chill situation and things were escalating pretty quickly. The guy I had been talking to didn't know I was a virgin, and I didn't tell him because I was afraid it would scare him off. Losing my virginity was quick and for the most part painless. It was no worse than period cramps. Once I got home, I felt guilty because it wasn't how I imagined losing my virginity , and not something you get back. I cried for a little bit and then decided there wasn't anything more I could do about it. I couldn't change what had already happened. All in all it wasn't terrible, and I'm not sure I would change it." — Kylie, 20
37. "I lost mine at 19 to my first boyfriend. I had wanted to wait until we had reached the six-month mark of our relationship, but it was about four and a half months into our relationship. It was on my bed in my dorm on a Sunday (which I remember because his dad is a pastor!) and it was actually totally fine. I had no pain, and it just felt right. He was gentle and it was loving. I knew I was ready because I just looked at him and wanted to be with him.The fact that he hadn't pressured me before helped, too. I remember whispering that I was ready, and he asked me twice before we actually did it if I was sure. We spent time after just cuddling and I felt so happy." — Rachel, 24
38. "I was 21. Before then, I hadn't gone very far past first base. I don't necessarily k
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