First Dates Dating When Pregnant

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Some people date during pregnancy because they’re hoping to find the one with whom to raise said child. Others are just really horny. Whatever your motivation, bear in mind that having a baby puts an immense amount of pressure on even the most solid, well-established relationships. You’re dangerously tired, the baby cries and gets sick and cries again, and if you’re like a lot of people, your sex drive completely vacates the building. The last thing you want to be dealing with on top of all that is the fallout of a breakup. So, unless you’re open to taking that risk — and starting a serious relationship during your pregnancy — it pays to be upfront from the very beginning that you’re just looking for something casual.
I remember I wrote in my own Tinder profile, “7 months pregnant — solo mum by choice. Not looking for a co-parent, just looking for some fun before the baby arrives.” After all, there’s no point in hiding the fact that you’re pregnant (that would have been impossible for me anyway by the time I felt well enough to have sex), and I wanted to be clear from the beginning that I wasn’t open to sharing my baby.
If you’re planning to date while you’re pregnant, that’s great. (After all, a little-known fact is that during pregnancy, there’s a massive increase in blood supply — including blood flow to your genitals, which makes anything sexual feel hot.) You will do fine and likely have a lot of fun. You just need to be wary of a few things.
If you’re one of the lucky few who doesn’t get sick, you’ll be good to go from day one. Otherwise, get a Netflix subscription and a truckload of crackers, and batten down the hatches until you feel better.
There are plenty of people who are drawn to pregnant bodies. The only issue there is that you may run the risk of being fetishized — which, by the way, can be a hell of a lot of fun! But if you’re uneasy about that idea, stick to using headshots in your online dating profiles as a starting point to weed out the fetishists.
The things I used to like sex-wise weren’t the things I wanted at seven or eight months pregnant. A casual lover came to visit me once and leapt straight into doing things the way we’d done them six months earlier. Old Me had liked it hard and rough and fast; New Me apparently wanted slow and gentle. The date was a complete flop.
You get gassier for one thing. Right at the crucial moment during a one-night stand, I started farting and couldn’t stop. I had no choice but to grit my teeth and try to ignore it until it was all over. After that, my orgasm kick-started six hours of Braxton Hicks (false contractions). Needless to say, I barely slept all night.
Unbeknownst to me, I’d developed an epic snore during my pregnancy. I only discovered this when I was at a new lover’s house for a long weekend and woke up the first morning to discover she’d had to spend the night on the couch.
If you like to walk on the wild side, you’ll need to do your research about safety and pregnant bodies. My first date after the morning sickness subsided was with a kinky butch on an interstate work trip. I couldn’t lie on my back for long because it made me dizzy. I couldn’t lie on my right side for long because it put pressure on my liver. I had to leap up midway through making out and shut all the doors because the smell from the kitchen was making me feel nauseous. My head always needed to be higher than my belly, I didn’t want to put my hands above my head, and I was so uncomfortable on a daily basis that I certainly didn’t want any more pain in my life, which canceled out the majority of her plans. The list of things I didn’t want her to do was so long, we ended up opting for good-old vanilla sex instead.
On another kinky interstate Tinder date, one I scored right before the cut-off for being too pregnant to fly anymore, I was better prepared. This date was into ropes and bondage, so she diligently spent an entire day reading and consulting doctors about safe ways to tie me up. The hardest thing was finding a position that was comfortable for me. I couldn’t be on my knees because my gigantic belly made me topple over. I couldn’t be upside down because of heartburn. I couldn’t stand for long because my feet ached, and lying down was such a complicated process involving pillows and bolsters that we ended up with me bound in a beautiful pattern of shibari knots while sitting comfortably on a kitchen chair.
I don’t mean with sex — as long as you’re safe, you can keep doing that right up to the end (or even during labor, as many do for pain relief!). But no, I mean careful with your emotions. Your hormones are running high at this point. In my final weeks, I somehow got it into my head that I wanted to get back together with my ex (we’d split up years ago, but we’re now good friends). So what did I do? I asked her to be there with me at the birth. I cried when I imagined us exhausted, all covered in blood and sweat and holding a newborn baby together. She was in a committed relationship at the time and was completely unavailable, but I was swept up in a hormonal romantic fantasy, and if I’m honest, I was also a little scared. I was on the brink of something huge, and the idea of having someone I loved holding my hand was comforting. In the end, the birth was a complete catastrophe, and in the chaos, I didn’t even consider calling her in.
After all, once the baby has arrived, you’re going to have so little time for — or likely interest in — dating. So, as Janis Joplin once said, you may as well “get it while you can.”
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"One guy was totally perplexed by pregnancy sex."
By Becky McKeown As Told To Kristin Canning
Becky McKeown, 40, is a nurse and podcaster (All Out with Madre Soltera Becky) in Mission Viejo, California.

About 11 years ago, I thought I had met Mr. Right. He was fun and charming, and I was happy when I found out I was pregnant–that is, until I did some major digging and discovered he was also married, and had gotten another woman pregnant at the same time.
I knew I wanted to keep my baby, so I let him know I was expecting, but that I didn’t want to be with him. He seemed okay with my decision at the time (probably because his plate was pretty full), and I didn’t see him for months after that.
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As a single mom, I already knew I could support myself and my 11-year-old child, so I felt confident that I didn’t need him–or anyone–to help me raise my second baby. But I was still interested in dating. Part of me wanted to get back out there to show my ex I had moved on, and it was fun and nice to have the emotional support of a partner every now and then. But I wasn’t necessarily looking for anything serious.
One of my friends set me up before she even knew I was pregnant, and I met guys at work and online.
I started my pregnancy as a bigger girl, so it wasn’t exactly obvious that I was going to have a kid until about six months in.
One was totally confused about how I could have sex while pregnant.
I didn’t even bother clueing the men in unless I thought I'd see them again and things might get intimate. I’d tell them I couldn’t tolerate alcohol well, and suggest we meet at a Starbucks for coffee or tea, or do a casual dinner.
But once it reached that point, I was an open book. If they asked how my day was, I’d let them know I went to a prenatal doctor’s visit. I was casual about it and would wait to see how they responded.
I probably dated 15 different men while I was pregnant, and their responses to finding out I was with child were about as varied as you can imagine.
Two men were really put off, and thought I was looking for a father to financially support the baby—which wasn't the case at all.
Another date was totally confused about how I could have sex while pregnant. “Well, everything still works down there," I explained.

He was fond of the fact that pregnancy can make your sex drive higher.
“What if I poke him in the head?” he asked seriously. I burst out laughing and told him he probably wasn’t big enough to worry about that.
A lot of the men I dated actually respected that I was working and supporting myself on my own. They saw it as a positive that I was so independent, and weren’t freaked out by my pregnancy.
Eventually, I met a cop online—I'll refer to him by his nickname, Miami.
With the other guys, I wasn’t at all nervous to tell them I was having a baby. I didn’t feel like I needed them, so if they weren’t into it, that was okay. But with Miami, I hoped it wouldn’t push him away.
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I spilled the beans about two weeks after we started seeing each other. It was still early in my pregnancy, so I got sick a lot. One night, he wanted to make paella, and I told him just the smell of the seafood would make me nauseous. He joked that I was pregnant.
“Um yeah…I am,” I said. He looked back at me. It took him a minute to absorb what I’d said. “Okay…but that doesn’t change how things are with us, right?” he asked. His response was amazing.
Of course, there were a few bumps in the road. He asked me about the dad, and wondered whether he should be involved in some way. But we talked through things, and he wanted us to keep dating. He was also very fond of the fact that pregnancy can make your sex drive higher. “Can we test that?!” he asked.
Neither of us wanted to put pressure on things by saying he would be in my baby’s life or not, so we kept it casual. But he started to get excited about the little boy on the way. He bought way more baby clothes than I ever could have needed, diapers, and a crib. He wasn’t a dad yet, so my pregnancy was his first time in this situation, and it was cute to watch his excitement and enthusiasm.
Unfortunately, the father of my son entered the picture again about halfway through my pregnancy. He wanted to get involved, and I told him that he could be in my son’s life, but that I didn’t want us to be a couple anymore. Still, when he was around, Miami got jealous, and there was a lot of tension between everyone. Eventually, Miami decided to back off and let the dad take over, but of course, it didn’t work out.
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I got into a terrible car accident when I was about seven months pregnant. I was T-boned, and had to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. I called the father, and he never showed up. It was the last I heard from him. Thankfully, I called Miami and he was there for me. A few days later, I had to have an emergency surgery to give birth to my baby, who was only two pounds. Somehow, we both survived.
Ironically, my baby looked like Miami, too. People would stop us when we were out with him and say how cute he was, and how much he resembled his dad. Miami would just smile. “Thank you, but he’s not mine,” he’d say.
Even though we didn’t end up together forever, I’m so thankful for the support Miami gave me during that time. The father of my child was not there for me, and Miami made me feel less alone as a single mom.
I wouldn’t necessarily get so involved with anyone during my pregnancy if I did it over again.
Still, I wouldn’t necessarily get so involved with anyone during my pregnancy if I did it over again. Being with Miami–and then having my ex come back into my life–made for an extremely stressful situation, and I didn’t want that for my baby. In the end, I feel like I should have taken care of me first.

Dating while pregnant was interesting, to say the least, and I learned a lot about myself, the types of guys I was choosing, and what I really wanted. Having a young kid and another baby on the way made me much more selective, and that was a plus. I never went into it thinking I would actually meet someone special, but then Miami came along, and being pregnant just wasn’t an issue.
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