First Date Sex

First Date Sex
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Why You Should Offer to Go Down on Her on Your Next First-Date Hookup

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Why You Should Offer to Go Down on Her on Your Next First-Date Hookup

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It’s a scene that’s happened probably millions of times — two people decide to sleep with each other for the first time, outside the context of an ongoing romantic relationship. Whether you call it a hookup, first-date sex, a one-night stand, a sex interview, or some no-strings-attached action, it’s a common occurrence.
And, for complex reasons, when those two people are a guy and a girl, it’s much less likely to involve her orgasming. Fellas, some dating advice: Next time you sleep with someone on the first date, go down on them.
It’s not an especially complicated concept, but it is one that lots of guys still reject, implicitly or explicitly — especially straight men. And it’s doing no favors for any of us.
The data out there is spotty at best, but what we do know isn’t great. Studies have shown that oral sex is a core component of women orgasming from hetero sex — much more important than penetration. Studies have shown that only a small minority of women orgasm from penetrative sex that doesn’t involve clitoral stimulation, but when they receive oral sex, they’re significantly more likely to.
Now, there’s more than one way to stimulate the clitoris, and manual stimulation is something that’s brought many a person to orgasm. But there’s also a distinct difference between pleasuring someone with your hand and doing it with your mouth. If you don’t believe that, why not ask for a handjob next time someone offers you a blowjob?
All of this takes place against the backdrop of the “ orgasm gap ” — the term for the reality that men experience orgasms much more when they sleep with women than women do when they sleep with men.
Of course there are many factors going into such a thing, considering it’s a measure of the combined sexual experiences of many different people, but one thing it’s not a measure of is whether it’s harder for women to experience orgasm — since they experience orgasms at much, much higher levels with female partners or when masturbating than they do when sleeping with men. Functionally, the orgasm gap is a measure of men’s ability — and willingness — to pleasure their female partners.
What’s strange is that the orgasm gap shouldn’t really exist, because guys claim they want to bring the person they’re sleeping with to orgasm — at least one study suggests it can make them feel masculine. Even wilder, another study shows men are almost twice as likely to say they enjoy giving oral to women as women are to say they enjoy giving it to men. So you’d think they’d be all over it — but men in their 20s especially don’t seem to have gotten the memo yet: a 2010 study cited in Glamour magazine showed that only 55% of men perform oral, compared to 75% of women.
Now, that’s over a decade ago, so those numbers may no longer be accurate, but it’s hard to believe the gap has completely vanished, especially when you consider reddit threads like this 2015 one where people discuss the anecdotal rarity of men going down on their partners, or this passage from The Right to Sex , Amia Srinivasan’s 2021 essay collection, which cites this 2010 study about the behavior of college students:
“In a large study of straight US undergraduates conducted between 2005 and 2008, researchers found that in first-time hookups involving oral sex, men alone received in 55 percent of cases; women, meanwhile, received oral sex alone in just 19 percent of such cases. The researchers also found that in first-time hookups, three times as many men as women reached orgasm; that gap narrows but does not close in relationships, where women undergraduates experience orgasm 79 percent as often as their male partners.”
This kind of approach can look callous and selfish in situations where you’re unlikely (or don’t want) to see the other person again — you’re effectively saying you’re just using them for your own pleasure.
But it’s extra counterproductive if you’re interested in how she feels — say, if you want to turn a one-night stand into something more , maybe. In that case, introducing oral sex into the mix (with her consent, of course) can be a crucial component.
While it’s true that not everyone enjoys receiving oral, and even people who do don’t necessarily want it in every scenario, it is a statistically significant way to give someone with a clitoris sexual pleasure, and in doing so, you not only signal that you’re a good lover, and the fact that you’re a giving, thoughtful person, you also separate yourself from the pack of guys who aren’t willing to do this basic thing — which is a lot of them.
So next time you’re fooling around with someone for the first time, give the art of cunnilingus a try. You might just be surprised by how much you enjoy it.

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