Ff Urban
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The prison orange that I was required to wear just symbolized everything about my freedom being taken away. I couldn’t even eat freely anymore; everything was on a timed schedule, every single day.
It was something I hated since usually, I had always been so unpredictable.
I got mean mugs from people I didn't even know and the food tasted like they just threw any old thing together and called it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It only took a few days for me to stop pushing away the food and not eating it, seeing as I was most likely going to be in here for a while.
My trial had been held about a week ago and seeing everything that I had been charged with, the judge gave me the maximum of fifteen years for the attempted homicide alone. Once I heard that, I didn't even care to listen to the rest of the sentencing for my other charges. I most likely had a life sentence on my hands and I wasn't sure if I could do the full twenty with all of these criminals around me.
We had to be up at a certain time every day and although I tried to avoid going to get breakfast as much as I could, we couldn't just roam around whenever we wanted to since this was a maximum security prison. Only the worst criminals who couldn't be trusted were transferred here, and I just felt like I didn't belong here at all. Nearly half of the men here have murdered someone. The only person I've tried to kill ended up living so I didn't understand why the judge had me here.
What I've done wasn't even half as bad as what some of these other people have done.
My thoughts were abruptly interrupted when I felt a hard shoulder bump into mine as I walked towards the cafeteria for breakfast, nearly knocking me off balance since I wasn't really focused. Once I caught my footing, I almost broke my neck snapping it in his direction as a cold glare resided on my face.
"What, you got a problem?" He spoke in a teasing manner as two of his friends stood behind him, giving me the same mug that he was giving me.
I knew he was just trying to start shit with me because that's what most people did to fresh meat, attempting to see what they were all about. Whether or not they were pussy. "Yea, watch where the fuck you going. I know you seen me walking nigga." I retorted quickly with venom laced in my voice as the trio began to surround me but I couldn't back down now. Even if they beat my ass in this very spot, I couldn't go out without a fight.
My head was held high as we eyed each other with menacing looks, neither one of us backing down from the other. I wasn't even worried about the two followers behind me because I could tell this one was the one who called the shots.
"This nigga think he bold. Bitch boy, you ain't even with no crew. We could stab yo ass right now and the only people who won't look the other way is the guards. And that's only 'cause it's they job." The inmate in front of me spoke causing his two lackeys to laugh.
But my face remained straight as I looked at him, multiple other inmates eyeing us to watch the drama that was about to go down. It was like high school all over again. "Unlike you, I don't need two niggas up my ass all day to feel tough. I wouldn't even be surprised if they could tell me how yo shit tastes."
The male in front of me clenched his jaw, moving closer towards me before he suddenly stopped as he glared over my shoulder in annoyance. I subtly looked behind me and saw two guards standing there, trying to see what all of the commotion was about since there were literally inmates leaving their table to come into the hallway and watch the brawl that was bound to go down. He let out a deep exhale as his eyes refocused on me. "Don't think you safe now nigga."
He motioned the other two to follow him as he started backing away from me slowly, never taking his glare off of me and I did the same. All I was trying to do was go and eat breakfast but as always, there's got to be some bullshit.
Rolling my eyes, I turned around and continued my trek to the cafeteria, ignoring the multiple stares that came my way. I knew that I couldn't just say something to everybody because I'd end up dead by tomorrow so the best thing I could possibly do was ignore it.
Once I got my food, I sat at a table that only one man occupied. Most of the other tables were full and I didn't want to be surrounded by a bunch of men who seem to gossip like women since there wasn't much entertainment in here. After sitting down away from the other inmate, I began to eat my food quietly. Jail food was probably the most disgusting thing I've had to eat thus far in my life but I've found a few things that were okay to eat and I wasn't about to starve myself.
I heard the man across from me mumble something to me as he scooped a spoonful of oatmeal into his mouth, not even looking my way. My head turned both ways to figure out if there was someone else he could have been talking to but no one was even remotely focused on what we had going on. I turned back to him. "What nigga?"
"I said you need to be careful. Sometimes the best thing in here isn't trying to prove yourself, it's staying off the radar." He spoke, not once making eye contact with me.
I smacked my lips. "Well, how am I supposed to do that when niggas like that go around looking for trouble? I'm not finna let nobody punk me. I don't care if it's my momma." I retorted back, being sure to give him the full attention that he wasn't giving me.
He finally turned my way and I almost gasped once I got to see him fully. The other side of his face held a long scar that started at his forehead and ended right below his left eye, which had a white cast to it indicating that he couldn't see out of that eye anymore. "Just listen to what I say nigga. Or don't say I didn't warn you." With that, he got up and left the table leaving me to ponder on what possibly could have happened to his face.
It also made me wonder if what happened to him happened while he was in here locked up.
I impatiently waited in line to use the phone, the person before me seeming to take forever to finish his conversation. There was a set time that we were able to use the phone and if we didn't get to call anyone because we were too far back in line, well oh well. We'd have to try again next time.
I had gotten here a bit earlier since I knew there would be a line wrapped around the corner by the time I got here if I didn't. I was the next one up but it sounded like the person in front of me was speaking to his mother. He was a white man that didn't look like he could even hurt a fly but I knew looks could be deceiving, especially in here. He could be someone who raped and murdered twenty people and I wouldn't even know.
My foot tapped loudly causing him to look down at it, then up at me before turning back around to finish up his conversation. He finally said his goodbyes and as soon as that phone was being placed down, I was picking it up and dialing a number quickly. We only had about six minutes left to make a call and I was hoping it would be enough time since it took the receiving caller a good two minutes to be able to accept the call.
But she never answered my calls. Hell, she probably had the number blocked for all I knew. I still called her every day though, hoping that at least one day she'd pick up the phone for me.
That day clearly wasn't today as I heard the beep signaling to create a voicemail message sound off on the other end causing me to sigh heavily. "Simone, baby, answer my calls. Please. I hate being in here and not being able to see you and Junior. Can you just bring him down to visit? At least once. I'm going crazy in here and I don't wanna end up—" Suddenly I heard another beep, letting me know that was all I could record for right now.
I closed my eyes and sighed, attempting to calm myself down before I threw the phone and messed things up for everyone. Each day, it was like I left the same message over and over. I just wanted to see my son.
I hung the phone back up and walked back in the direction of my cell, the message I had just left weighing heavy on my mind. It had been over a month and she was still ignoring me. Either that or she changed her number which was worse because I'd never be able to find out how to contact her while I sat in here for years.
Despite everything that happened, Simone was the love of my life and I still want to be able to see my son grow up. I don't want my last memory of him to be when he was four and I don't want him to end up forgetting about me either.
I stepped into my cell and let out a breath of relief that my cellmate wasn't there. He wasn't that bad, he just enjoyed talking a lot. Half of the time, I don't even think he knew what he was talking about himself, he just kept blurting out words.
Laying on my bed, I closed my eyes and threw my arm over my face, attempting to get the depressing thoughts of my son forgetting who I was out of my head. He was at the age where he wouldn't remember most of things that happened when he grew up. I didn't want him to also not remember me. I definitely didn't want him to end up calling another nigga his dad either. That would hurt me to my core.
I sighed once I heard my cell door close, not bothering to look that way since giving eye contact to my cell mate was like an invitation to converse in his eyes. "Aye yo, George, I really don't feel like talking right now man. Just give me a minute."
Once a few seconds had passed by and I didn't hear a response, I removed my arm from over my eyes and sat up immediately seeing that nigga from breakfast and his two puppy dogs standing right by the door. I quickly jumped up and attempted to reach into my little cabinet where I kept a shiv made from an old toothbrush I found, but the three men swiftly grabbed me and began throwing blows anywhere they could.
The only thing I could do was curl into a ball and shelter my face from the six hands that were trying to get at it. Suddenly I felt hands grab my wrists as I was somehow forced onto my stomach, the two followers holding me down as their knees dug into my shoulder so I wouldn't be able to move.
I instantly began thrashing and fighting hard against the two once their leader began tearing a hole down the back of my jumpsuit, followed by him nearly ripping my underwear off of my body. I moved violently in their hold but their grip on me only tightened more as I kicked behind me as best as I could.
A gut wrenching scream escaped my mouth once I felt a sharp object being shoved into my anus, the brutal force of the item tearing at the skin and instantly causing internal bleeding. The inmate from breakfast forced the object in and out of me repeatedly as one of his friends stuffed their sock in my mouth to keep my cries for help muffled, salty tears freely falling from my eyes as pain shot throughout my body.
I sullenly packed the boxes holding all of my belongings into the moving truck I had rented out for the day. The coldness in his eyes as he watched my every move only made the pain I felt inside so much worse.
Tears pooled in the brims of my eyes as I stared at all of the cardboard boxes filled with my things, finally causing me to realize that this was really happening to me. Xae was kicking me out of the house. He wasted no time in packing up my stuff once he got home from the ceremony.
He stood at the foot of the front doorway, watching with crossed arms as he made sure all of my things were gone so that I'd have no reason to come back, as he stated to me. I neared closer to him as I made my way to get the last of my boxes, his stone cold expression never faltering from his face.
"Xae," I reached out to touch his arm as the hot and salty liquid continued to leak from my eyes, "I'm so sorry baby but please... don't do this to me. I don't want things to end like this."
He responded by simply moving his arm out of my reach and stepping to the side so that I'd have better access inside to get the rest of my belongings. I sniffled quietly as I hung my head low, slowly allowing my hand to fall back down to my side.
"I think this is the last of it." My head rose again once I heard the sound of Simone's voice calling out to me as she appeared in the doorway with the last box in her hand. She had been helping me make sure that everything was packed into the U-Haul truck since Xavier was refusing to give me any type of assistance.
Simone carried the box out to the truck as I remained standing right in front of Xae. While my eyes were on him, his eyes were strictly focused on her and it made my heart fall to the pit of my stomach. I knew that what I was afraid was going to happen between the two had no obstacles holding them apart now.
"Xae," I called out to him one last time causing his eyes to slowly trail back over to me with annoyance written all over his face, "Can we please just talk about this? I made a mistake but that's no reason to throw away what we had together for almost three years."
A bitter chuckle escaped his lips as he shook his head. "I didn't throw shit away, Bree. You did. So now, shut the fuck up and deal with it."
My mouth fell agape as I stared at him in complete shock. He had never even fixed his mouth to say something so disrespectful to me before. I had to have really sent him over the edge for something like that to have left his lips. It had only caused more tears to frequent my eyes as I watched him stare down at me without an ounce of sympathy. "Xae... please don't—"
Before I could finish my sentence, Simone had jogged back over causing me to stop talking because I didn't want to embarrass myself by seeming too desperate. But my heart ended up falling to the pit of my stomach once I witnessed Xae immediately throw his arm around her waist and pull her body into his, almost protectively. My eyes couldn't even tear away from his hand that rested on her hip as my blood began to boil.
"So, y'all are together now?" The question came out in a barely audible whisper but I could tell the both of them heard me because Simone subconsciously took a step away from Xavier. Unlike him, she actually looked like she felt bad for me and didn't want to make things worse by being all touchy feely with the man I was supposed to marry a couple of days prior.
She looked like she wanted to say something too, but Xae quickly shook his head and motioned for me to leave. "That doesn't matter. You have all your shit so it's time to go." Simone quickly gave him a stern look that made it unnecessary to even open her mouth to lecture him and lightly squeezed his hand before leaning over to whisper something in his ear.
I attempted to subtly lean forward to hear what she was saying to him, but to no avail. Once she pulled away, Xae looked at me and sighed. "I'm sorry. I might be hurt but that doesn't give me the right to treat anyone like shit." He spoke lowly causing my mouth to fall agape once again.
My eyes swiftly darted between him and her, wondering what in the world she could have said to get him to apologize to me in a matter of seconds. "I—uh, it's okay. I probably deserve it." I hung my head low as it shook from side to side; disappointed in myself was an understatement.
An awkward silence soon took over between the three of us and I took that as my cue to finally leave. Xae clearly wasn't going to give me another chance and I was beginning to get tired of the look of pity on Simone's face. I knew she was just being nice but it wasn't making me feel any better at all.
My legs slowly carried me over to the driver's side of the large U-Haul truck and due to my short stature, I literally had to climb in. Once I was seated and closed the door, I took one last glance over at Xae who was now not even focused on me at all, but had a slight grin on his face as he spoke to Simone. His hands just couldn't stay away from her as he kept attempting to pull her into him and she kept a slight distance between them most likely since I was still there.
I allowed the remaining tears to fall freely down my cheeks as I started up the truck and drove away before my heart exploded in my chest from watching the two of them together. But I guess it wasn't all bad; at least he was happy...
I skillfully backed the truck into Antonio's driveway so that I wouldn't have to walk too far to grab my stuff and take it inside. My eyebrows furrowed once I realized the other unknown car parked in his driveway and I exited the truck to look inside of the empty vehicle. There was nothing even remotely distinguishable about the car. Nothing hanging from the rear view mirror nor any knickknacks on the dashboard.
I shrugged and headed inside to let Antonio know that I was here and I was going to need help with carrying some of the more heavy boxes. I figured he'd probably bought me a cheap car to drive since he was usually busy dealing with his restaurant and such and was going to be gone majority of the time. The car I used to drive around was Xae's so I couldn't keep that and Antonio knows how much I hate being stuck inside all of the time.
Knocking lightly on the door a few times, I rocked back and forth on my feet as I awaited an answer but it wasn't coming quick enough for me so I knocked again. It was as if the second knock triggered something inside and I suddenly heard loud yelling causing a look of confusion to wash over my face.
The screaming from inside became louder and before I knew it, the door had swung open revealing a fuming Serina who looked as red as a tomato. She instantly rolled her eyes at the sight of me and I held no hesitation in doing the same. I was tired of seeing this bitch.
"What do you want?" She asked as she leaned against the door frame, blocking the entryway as if this was her house.
My face immediately scrunched up. "What do I want? Girl, I'm not about to play with you." I retorted as I forcefully pushed passed her and began calling for Antonio once I was inside. He finally came out from what looked to be the direction of the kitchen, looking just as livid as she did. "I need help moving my stuff inside."
A low chuckle sounded off from behind me but when I turned around, Serina was staring straight at Antonio instead of me. "So, you're really letting this bitch move in with you? How long have y'all known each other again?"
"Mind your fucking business." Antonio mumbled as he moved passed the both of us to go outside to the truck.
Her eyes immediately fell back on me, a hateful look in her eye that I knew for a fact was jealousy which only caused me to smirk back at her. "You think you've won because you're here now but, newsflash sweetheart, you're only here because you might be carrying his child. He doesn't love or care about you." She spoke with nothing but pure venom laced in her voice.
"And you think he loves you?" I laughed out, honestly amused at her attempt to get under my skin. "Remember that you're only mad at me because I had the man you wanted. In front of you, no less. So don't come at me on that bullshit." I replied, completely fed up with holding my tongue for people. If she wanted to play that game, I could really hurt her feelings and I wouldn't mind doing so either because this bitch had it coming.
Serina rolled her eyes as her hands found their place on her hips. "I don't give a fuck what you think you had. You also had a fiancé up until a few days ago too but where's he at now? Oh yea, he doesn't love or care about you either."
My nostrils flared as soon as she brought up Xae and my blood instantly began to boil over. I couldn't believe that Antonio's been telling her all of my deep and personal business when he knew damn well that I didn't like this bitch at all. "You're nothing but a cheating, lying, hoe and frankly, I don't care what a cheating lying hoe has to say about me anyway. That's exactly why I fucked Antonio all up and down this house. Did you ever get the chance to even make i
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