Fetish Roles

Fetish Roles
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Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.

Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.
Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.

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BDSM, age play, furries, and cuckolding... just to name a few.
So you like it when your partner spreads your limbs, ties you to the bedposts , and talks dirty to you. In case you were wondering, you're not alone: People are pretty kinky, according to the latest sex research.
There are lots of different kinks out there, and it can be tough to measure how common they are. But a 2017 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that nearly 50% of the general population has tried some form of BDSM in their lives. ( Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism is hardly the kinkiest kink out there, but it's among the most common.)
While there isn't a general consensus on how often people engage in kinky activity , there is one for how often people fantasize about kinks. A lot of the fantasy research comes from Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. For his book, Tell Me What You Want (now available in paperback) , he surveyed 4,175 Americans aged 18-87 about their sexual fantasies, and found out exactly which kinks people are dreaming about the most.
Just because you fantasize about a certain kink, it doesn't mean you actually want to act on it, Lehmiller notes. “If a fantasy is non-consensual or poses an unacceptable risk of harm, it shouldn’t ever be acted on,” he explains. “Keep in mind that fantasy and reality are two different things, and some fantasies are best left as fantasies.”
Below, in his own words, Lehmiller spells out the most common kinks and fetishes he came across in his research.
Bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM) is the most fantasized about kink. I found that 93% of men and 96% of women had fantasized about some aspect of BDSM before. BDSM obviously reflects a wide spectrum of behaviors, from mild to wild, and most people are at the more mild end, with fantasies about taking on dominant or submissive roles, tying up a partner or being tied up, and engaging in light sadomasochism (think spanking and biting) being the most common.
People are drawn to BDSM for multiple reasons. For some, it’s simply an escape from the confines of traditional gender roles. For others, it’s about an escape from self-awareness or exploring other sides of the self. For yet others, it’s about the appeal of the taboo, trying something new, or a craving for intense stimulation.
Fetish fantasies involve a focus on specific objects (like boots or stockings) or non-genital body parts (like feet or armpits). I found that 45% of my participants reported having had a fetish fantasy before, with men reporting more such fantasies than women.
The single most common fetish fantasy involved feet, with about 1 in 7 adults saying they’d had a fantasy before in which feet or toes played a significant role.
Psychologists believe that most fetishes are learned—through experience, we start to develop associations between certain objects/body parts and sexual arousal. However, there can also be a taboo element to them, as well as an overlap with BDSM, such as when someone fantasizes about another person stepping or walking all over them.
Many people reported fantasies in which specific body fluids played a big role. Unsurprisingly, male and female ejaculate were the most common, with a majority of men and women having fantasized about them before. However, other body fluids appeared with some frequency, too.
For example, 45% of men and 35% of women had fantasies involving spit, 31% of men and 14% of women had fantasies involving breast milk, 32% of men and 15% of women had fantasies involving urine, and 6% of men and 2% of women had fantasies involving feces.
In many of the fantasies involving body fluids, they were used in an act of dominance/submission, so that seems to be a big part of the appeal here.
Fantasies about watching someone else undress or have sex are very common. In fact, 60% of my participants reported having fantasized about this before, although men had more voyeurism fantasies than did women.
Voyeurism is appealing to many because we are very visual creatures when it comes to sex—it’s sort of like watching real-life porn. However, voyeurism fantasies often involve sneaking around, too, so part of the appeal might be the thrill of doing something you’re not supposed to.
A lot of people fantasize about putting on a show. Specifically, 42% of my participants reported having a fantasy about publicly exposing themselves or having sex in front of an audience. I distinguished between consensual and non-consensual exhibitionism in my survey, and the 42% figure refers to cases where there is a consenting audience.
About 10% of my participants had fantasized about the non-consensual form, such as when they flash a stranger or masturbate in public.
Consensual exhibitionism fantasies are likely driven by a few things—amping up the excitement by having spectators and knowing that other people find you attractive or sexy.
Non-consensual exhibitionism is a totally different thing—that’s often driven by a desire to shock or offend someone else.
Some of my participants fantasized about taking on different roles and ages. For example, 11% had fantasized about dressing up and/or acting as a child.
I found a lot of overlap between these fantasies and BDSM because they often involved themes of dominance/submission and/or humiliation, so these fantasies are often just a variant of deeper BDSM interests.
About 9% of my participants said they had fantasized about dressing up as an animal to have sex.
Furry fantasies were related to a broader tendency to change oneself in one’s sexual fantasies, which suggests that they might often be about psychological escape. Many of us become different people—and sometimes different creatures—in our fantasies because it provides an escape from self-awareness, allowing you to focus more on sex rather than yourself.
However, furry fantasies might also be appealing for some as a form of novelty and adventure.
A lot of cisgender people use their fantasies as a way of exploring their gender role and/or expression. For example, I found that about 1 in 4 cis persons had fantasized about cross-dressing, while about 1 in 3 had fantasized about trading bodies with someone of another sex.
These fantasies are sometimes about a desire to break free of traditional gender roles or to explore the self; however, there was also a lot of overlap with BDSM. For example, several men reported what they described as “forced feminization” fantasies, in which a partner “forces” them to dress as a woman.
Fantasies about watching your partner have sex with someone else are very common, especially among men. In fact, I found that 58% of men and 33% of women had fantasized about this before.
Cuckolding fantasies can be appealing for a number of reasons. For some, it’s about self-enhancement—knowing that other people find their partner to be hot actually boosts their self-esteem. For others, it’s about wanting to see their partner sexually satisfied—they take pleasure in their partner’s pleasure. And for yet others, there’s a BDSM element—in many of these fantasies, the watcher is taking on a submissive role and is sometimes humiliated in the process.
It turns out that a lot of people are into the idea of incorporating food with sex . About 40% of my participants had fantasized about this before.
Most commonly, this included things like ice cubes, strawberries, and whipped cream.
The appeal of mixing food and sex is partly about novelty, or the desire to try new and different things. But it’s also about adding new sensations, tastes, and textures.
However, there is sometimes also a fetishistic element to the use of food, and sometimes a BDSM element—foods are sometimes used in a dominant/submissive or humiliating way.

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Do chains and whips excite you? If not, here's what you could be trying
Ever fancied spicing up your sex life, but not sure what to try? If you’re not sure what floats your boat in Kinksville then see what your star sign suggests...
Assertive authority turns you on. Rough Body Play is kind of like angry sex, fuelled by passion and urgency. It’s intense and full-on, making your physical connection deeper, more powerful and animalistic. Be sure to set limits and boundaries beforehand and only do what you're comfortable with.
Taureans are rooted in the physical world - sight, sound, smell, touch, taste are what stimulate you more than any daydream or imaginative game. So, focus on each other’s body with light touch and sensation exploration on the parts you may ordinarily skip in foreplay. When it comes to vibration and pressure, the clitoris and nipple are most sensitive (no shit, Sherlock) - so build up to those. Save the best for last.
Gemini needs her mind to be fully stimulated before the rest of her will truly join in, so imaginative role play is ideal, and Uniform Play creates an immediate scenario and story to act out. The most popular Uniform Play is inmate / prison guard (don’t ask me why, maybe we all like experimenting with power and submission) but you could also try Royalty / servant, cheerleader / football player, doctor / nurse, maid / guest. And, yes, you can swap roles, too. In fact, that might be the best bit…
OK, so oral sex isn’t strictly a fetish but you can make it into one if it becomes the central, singular focus of your intimacy. Sensitivity and skill are what turn Cancerians on, so oral sex is where it’s at for you. And it’s more than just 69ing - there's a whole world of oral sex tricks and tips out there.
Secretly, you sometimes yearn to surrender to a submissive role in the bedroom, but only with someone who knows what you want. Taking control physically, and then reversing those roles, means you can both learn by doing. Flip a coin to determine who will be dominant. Whoever wins should plan out the sexual experience and then build expectation by dropping hints about what is to come. Taking it in turns will give you a little bit of everything you desire.
Virgos respect someone who is practical, able to express themselves physically and who's good with their hands. Watching someone be skilful with equipment or tools turns you on, so bring that kink into the bedroom by giving them a box of toys to play with, or rather to play with ON you. Vibrators, strokers, restraints, paddles, whips, - whatever floats your boat. Watching them use things to heighten your pleasure is a pleasure in itself.
You seek a partner who's artistic, sensitive, and responsive to you on every level. Deepen the intimacy by creating your own private world of Sensation Play together, experimenting with the different effects that you and your partner can have on each other’s bodies. Fur, silk, feathers, more or less anything you can find lying around at home - all create sensation when applied to the skin. Take it to a different level with more abrasive materials, like hard-bristled body brushes, or different temperatures.
You’re an intense creature and you like to see your partner committing to something with equal passion. Temperature Play lets you explore extremes together. Cold water, ice cubes, and chilled objects are common ways to provide your partner with cold sensations. For the hot side of things, many people turn to melted wax, but be sure to do plenty of research into safety before beginning. White paraffin candles are generally a good choice — as they burn at lower temperatures. However, for an even lower melting point, you can use massage candles, or even warming massage oils.
Like attracts like. You’re an ambitious, business-like climber, turned on by the success and masterfulness of others. Rope Play, a form of BDSM, allows you to explore the themes of dominance and submission that so turn you on. AND it’s an actual skill you’re acquiring (not one you’d put on your CV, mind). The person tying their partner derives pleasure from feelings of power and control, whilst the restrained partner can become aroused by the feel of the rope against their skin, their own immobility, or the feeling of being ‘captured’. Remember to communicate throughout the experience - establishing a safe word is useful, keep the ropes loose enough that two fingers can slide between the rope and your partner’s skin, never restrict your partner’s ability to breathe, and move around at least twice an hour.
You’re not afraid to go where others daren’t - controversial boundaries attract your rebellious nature. Rubberism has your name written all over it (not least as your fashion sense leans to the unusual anyway). Wearing rubber is like wearing a second skin, so you feel naked even when cat-suited (or masked) up. The tightness of the garments is also a kind of bondage. Most of all, wearing rubber has a transformative edge. As with any costume, a Rubberist can imagine themselves adopting a different identity, one that allows outrageous behaviour. If you haven't tried it before, take things slow and experiment with accessories first.
Having the most vivid imagination of the Zodiac makes you best placed to take partners on role play fantasies they’ll never forget. Your fluid nature makes it easy for you to transform into different roles, and you’ll be turned on by someone who can match your creative ability. Popular role play games for couples right now include strippers, cops and robbers, superhero / heroine, eager applicant and interviewer, teacher / student, porn stars, strangers in a bar, innocent vs experienced... Any take your fancy?
An Indiana Jones-type character is your fantasy partner: physically adept, well travelled, and experienced. A daredevil, in short. So, heightening the sense of adventure by taking your fantasies out of the bedroom into the big, wide world will present you with limitless options for new exploits. Suddenly, every scene and route in everyday life will take on the potential for a sexual escapade, giving you an ongoing pleasure thrill everywhere you go. Set your partner the same mission: find places outdoors for sex. And then go there and do it. Simple .
* For more professional tarot readings, visit Kerry's TarotBella page

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It was basically ComicCon, only sexier.
That man's skirt is legit, like, three inches long." My friend Julie, with a look of bewilderment, pointed across a pool filled with forty black swan floaties.
The man in question was easily seven feet tall, shirtless, and wearing a pleated leather skirt that matched his female partner's. They looked like porny school girls and I was here for it. His buttcheeks hung out from under the flaps of the skirt with reckless abandon. He did not give one single F.
The Pervy Pool Party (opens in new tab) had been sold to me as, "excellent people watching" and was the crescendo at the end of FetishCon (opens in new tab) , a three-day convention devoted to all things fetish. Everything from BDSM, to furries, to tickling, to sploshing (sexual pleasure from sitting in jelly-like substances) has a place at FetishCon.
The location? Well, Tampa of course. Where else would you expect a fetish convention to be held? Obviously if the leather hotties and people dressed as dogs are going to congregate anywhere, it's going to be Florida. Tampa is ranked in the top 20 trashiest places in America. It has the most strip clubs per capita. One of my friends from Tampa uses it as a segue at parties to explain why she's wearing moon boots, like, "I'm from Tampa. I'm garbage, obviously."
The convention was held at the Hilton in St. Petersburg (opens in new tab) (which I'm told is not technically Tampa). Any hotel is a sterile location for a crowd with so many dildos present, but it was a far cry from a Holiday Inn Express. Props to the Hilton Hotels for being so sex pos. Snaps for you, Hilton. (Paris, are you there? It's me, Gigi).
Before I left for this assignment, divulging my plans to drunk friends in New York, I was consistently asked the same two questions: What happens at FetishCon? and Are you scared? I would guffaw and assure my cohorts that I was, most certainly, not scared, "Um. I'm a journalist. Hello!" In reality, I was peevish. I'm not afraid of fetishes or people with fetishes, but I secretly wondered, Is this going to be an orgy? And, if so, am I cool with that?
Unable to answer this question, I boarded a plane to Florida on two hours of a sleep and a pocketful of dreams.
Founded in 2000, FetishCon is basically
Tickling With Toes
Adela Nude
Close Up Clit

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