Femme Guys
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Femme Guys
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Sep 27, 2014, 08:39 AM EDT | Updated Feb 2, 2016
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Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Editorial Director, HuffPost Personal
Though queer people are gaining more and more visibility in mainstream media and society, that doesn't mean that the images we're presented with are always accurate or representative of who we really are and how we live our lives. And sometimes we're still disappointingly absent, especially when it comes to certain subsections of our community.
Case in point: The dearth of images that authentically capture what it means to be a femme. When we use the term "femme" we mean femme queer women but also femme queer men -- and everything and everyone in between. Too often the representations of femme queer women are designed to please heterosexual men and representations of femme queer men are two-dimensional and offensive and all other representations rarely surface.
But fear not! Thanks to the hashtag #WhatFemmeLooksLike, we're hoping to help change all that. Feast your eyes on the beautiful folks who offered up a shot of themselves and if you want to be part of this stunning group, tweet your own photo using #WhatFemmeLooksLike.
— Kelsie Brynn Jones (@kelsiedarko) September 23, 2014
Some days I look like this, and other days I rock yoga pants and bandannas. #whatfemmelookslike pic.twitter.com/HoAC9BisKi
— Stephanie Quesadilla (@Steph_oscopes) September 23, 2014
— kate york (@kateyorkmusic) September 24, 2014
— elisabeth (@elibullen) September 24, 2014
@huffpostgay Lamenting the end of summer, loving the coconut ice cream #whatfemmelookslike pic.twitter.com/s45s0lTXDp
Experiences of Femme Identity: Coming Out, Invisibility and Femmephobia | #WhatFemmeLooksLike http://t.co/CnHJ88Ej5s pic.twitter.com/3cPQXdcQSg
— Chelsey R. (@chelcity) September 25, 2014
— Tina (@glitterpincess) September 25, 2014
— Sarah Williams (@heysarahew) September 25, 2014
— Kelsie Brynn Jones (@kelsiedarko) September 26, 2014
— Kate Sinclair (@KateRSinclair) September 27, 2014
— Samantha Orlando (@CallMeGryff) September 27, 2014
— Sprink3 (@kulaid911) September 27, 2014
— lux✨ (@LuxuriousPoet) September 27, 2014
Totes jumping on the #WhatFemmeLooksLike bandwagon after 20yrs of being told I "don't look gay enough" pic.twitter.com/wnO8T7HQ44
— Carrie McCarthy (@potentiallycaz) September 27, 2014
Most homophobia I've experienced has come from other gays #WhatFemmeLooksLike pic.twitter.com/5rjZHdcOFo
— Carrie McCarthy (@potentiallycaz) September 27, 2014
My beautiful friends at their wedding 3 years ago #WhatFemmeLooksLike pic.twitter.com/aOITyIKhtT
— Carrie McCarthy (@potentiallycaz) September 27, 2014
— Kayla Borg (@kaylaborg) September 28, 2014
As a lesbian, I should participate in this hashtag... so here you go! This is #whatfemmelookslike pic.twitter.com/r65mWRBjI6
— Amarisse (@AmarisseSedai) September 28, 2014
All this awesomeness packed in a 4 feet 11 inch space. This is #whatfemmelookslike . @huffpostgay pic.twitter.com/GVvfk0GTkV
— Sydney Elizabeth (@sydneyelizaa) September 28, 2014
— M (@mooonsnzthy) September 28, 2014
— Emily Wagner (@lalaemiwa) September 28, 2014
— Helena (@Helenas_tiara) September 28, 2014
— Greta Leach (@leachgreta) September 28, 2014
@huffpostgay Lets stop judging and assuming anything about a person's sexuality. #whatfemmelookslike pic.twitter.com/j57171EJGU
— Iz Perez (@izjp17) September 29, 2014
— Rae Von Die (@SubcultralGirl) September 29, 2014
— Ginger Miller (@ginger1219) September 29, 2014
— sarah samuels (@serryme) September 29, 2014
Here's #whatfemmelookslike and what femme will probably look like when she's older 😉 pic.twitter.com/qWfhPtodsU
— Carrie McCarthy (@potentiallycaz) September 29, 2014
— Rosa Mojo (@Rosamojo) September 29, 2014
Editorial Director, HuffPost Personal
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Introducing 'Femboys', the Most Wholesome Trend On TikTok
Teenage boys – queer and straight – are twirling in cute dresses and skirts under viral hashtags like #femboyfriday.
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Fellas, is it gay to redefine masculinity? Gen Z “femboys” on TikTok argue that it definitely isn’t – and they’re making that argument in cute tennis skirts, halter tops and crushed velour dresses.
Femboys – not to be confused with their slightly more sinister cyber-cousin, e-boys – are people who identify as male or non-binary but present themselves in more traditionally feminine ways, such as through their appearance, personality or general disposition.
Look through the #femboy hashtag and you’ll find hundreds of young men wearing nail varnish, twirling in skirts, crop-tops and dresses, and generally just being really wholesome, Non-Threatening Boys.
Although the term femboy has been circulating cyberspace for a couple decades – mainly found on Reddit forums – it’s been freshly adapted by young men on TikTok wanting to redefine what it means to be a man in today’s world.
Seventeen-year-old femboy Seth went viral on TikTok overnight after posting a video of himself wearing a tennis skirt and nail polish, with the hashtag #femboyfriday. The video now has over a million views and has arguably paved the way for other non-conforming boys to follow suit. “I wasn’t aware that there were tons of other boys like me, so the term [femboy] gave me a community,” Seth tells VICE.
The community that Seth mentions has been crucial in providing other femboys a sense of belonging. Jaydden , 16, says: “When I first started posting my femboy TikToks, the community was so accepting and kind and even loving. Everyone loved what I posted and loved what I wore, which boosted my confidence immensely and made me feel accepted.”
Although cross-dressing definitely isn’t new, the femboy trend on TikTok has brought it to a whole new generation.
Twenty-one-year-old Moy had been wearing skirts and dresses for a few years before seeing the femboy trend on TikTok, and has been ridiculed by his peers and family members in the past. “My parents wouldn’t let me wear skirts because they were scared people would think I was gay,” he says. “I know my sexuality – I’m straight – but I still want to wear skirts and crop-tops, go to nail salons and feel pretty.”
TikTok, says Moy, gave him a sense of validation: “Once I saw this femboy trend, I was like, ‘Oh, I bet the world is finally ready!’”
While Moy mentions that dressing more femininely doesn’t deter from his heterosexuality, Seth argues that his sexuality and femboy identity are not intrinsically linked: “Labels don’t really matter to me – I think I could be attracted to anyone.”
In such polarising times, it’s nothing short of heartwarming that TikTok has provided a safe haven for young people to experiment with their gender expression. It’s clear that many femboys have a lot of fun filming themselves dancing around to Kali Uchis songs in American Apparel-style skirts and crop-tops, and the trend’s millions of views and likes confirm that people are enjoying watching them, too.
But not everyone is as accepting. Many femboys have been subjected to online abuse and hatred. Comments range from homophobic slurs – even though not all femboys define as queer – to genuine threats of violence. Femboys like Jaydden blame this on TikTok’s algorithm, which filters popular trends to a wider audience.
“Over time, my videos reached the wrong side of TikTok and I received thousands of hateful and homophobic comments,” he says. “It made me feel horrible for just being me and expressing myself.”
Seth has received online abuse too, but tries not to let it deter him from being himself. “I’m able to recognise that people attack me for what I represent to them, not who I am as an individual, so it doesn’t really bother me anymore.”
Men and boys who feel threatened by those who challenge their rigid ideas of masculinity have a tendency to act out – it’s patriarchy 101. But femboys argue that this way of thinking is wildly outdated. Men have been wearing feminine dress for decades, from David Bowie on the cover of The Man Who Sold the World to Jaden Smith and Young Thug’s long-established love of dresses and skirts – with the latter saying : “When it comes to swag, there’s no gender involved.”
“The femboy trend on TikTok shows that more men nowadays are comfortable with their sexuality and masculinity, and that clothing does not define any of that,” argues Jaydden. “People can wear what they want without threatening their masculinity.”
Seth echoes the sentiment: “Men often conflate femininity with weakness, when that is not at all the case.” Dressing femininely makes him feel liberated from societal restraints, he explains, and “people need to see men disregard traditional norms to deconstruct the toxic beliefs they’ve been taught – visibility is the first step necessary for change”.
When I was growing up, gender non-conforming people were hugely ostracised, and it’s something that still happens now, but TikTok’s femboy trend is one of a few signs that suggest these oppressive gender norms are slowly breaking down, one cute dress at a time.
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