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by Olivia | Mar 15, 2021 | Strapon | 7 comments
Do you take it in the ass? Each Mistress talks about the ins and outs (pun intended) of strapon play. You’ll hear Ms Olivia, Ms Delia and Ms Erika talk about: preparing for anal sex, how to ease discomfort of first time strap-on play, best lubes for pegging, and more. Hear each Femdom talk about strap on play, pegging and anal.
The Weekly Hot Spot is full of naughty fun, stories and, of course, sex education from Femdoms who love kink, fetish and BDsm. Oh and they love all kinds of sex too as regular fans know.
Welcome to The Weekly Hot Spot : kink conversation, advice, insight from the worlds of distance domination and phone sex. We are your hosts: Mistress Delia, Ms Olivia and Ms Erika. Listen along here on the blog or join us on Cock Radio on Spreakr .
Ms Olivia: Let’s talk about getting ready. Ms Delia, you blog often about anal training. So this podcast is right up your alley, isn’t it? ~laughs~
Ms Delia: I say yes to that. I love myself a good anal slut. You can read all of my anal training adventures on my blog, Beg for Mistress . I write about it because I love it. I’m an anal play enthusiastic and I have audios and anal training programs in our Erotic Audio Store as well.
Ms Olivia: Ms Erika, I am so thrilled that you are going to be a regular co host. You can tell that The Weekly Hot Spot is just a naughty little place to be.
Ms Erika: Absolutely. I love it. Thank you for inviting me. It’s such an honor to be amongst you. And um, the subject today is very deep and penetrating. I’m really eager to get into it. ~laughs~
Ms Olivia: This is why Mistress Erika fits right in!
Ms Olivia: Before we get you all hot and bothered, there are a lot of people listening via Apple podcast . Do us a favor, please subscribe to the podcast like it and leave a review on iTunes.
You can also leave comments on this blog. We love comments.
So if you are bent over in position, you should still be able to type on a computer. I mean, it’s right there. You’re on all fours. There’s really no excuse for not doing this. You know we love to talk about sex toys for men and this episode is going to be so much fun!
Ms Olivia: Since this is strap-on play 101, what is strap-on play? What is strap-on phone sex ?
Ms Delia: I’ll give the definition of strap-on play. Strapon play is fun. It is also known as pegging. And this is where a woman like us penetrates a man’s anus with a strap on type of sex toy.
From this type of play, there is often a power exchange and incredibly intense prostate stimulation: many men crave this type of anal play and enjoy the resulting pleasure.
Ms Olivia: You mentioned pegging. I didn’t realize this until researching this particular podcast. That term comes from the Dan Savage column on pegging .
He asked Savage Love readers to come with a name for the request – something instead of “Would you let me do you in the ass with a strap-on?”
That’s kind of bulky, right? So it’s a mouthful and not a good kind of mouthful.
A Savage Love reader suggested, pegging .
It’s crisp, clean, easily conjugated. “He asked her to peg him. She loves pegging him. He spent all night long being pegged.
One of my favorite blog posts on my blog Experienced Mistress was The Femdom Pegging Club . So hot.
You know, that whole title would change if it was the Femdom strapon in his ass club. Right? Pegging just sounds so cool.
Ms Delia: That’s where I call bullshit with this because I think it’s been called pegging for a shit ton of a long time before that.
Back in the day, you would do pegging races where there would be different wooden pegs attached to like a wooden dowel. (This is still popular, in fact you can buy the Peg Race equipment from Xcite! Sexual Equipment .)
And this was in the kink world and guys would start at the beginning and you have to go down on one, up his ass and then up and then down the other. And they get bigger and thicker as you go on. Anyone who could finish was the pegging winner.
Ms Olivia: That was on a seat though, right? And you sit down – it’s not a strapon from a woman.
Ms Delia: No. Yeah. It’s you know what? Maybe one of our listeners can research that and let us know in the comments on the blog. That’s an assignment.
Ms Olivia: You read that column too didn’t you Ms Erika?
Ms Erika: Yep. I did. There were some very interesting things in there.
Ms Olivia: So, the pegging club, we need to start The Femdom Pegging Club over here. Don’t we?
Ms Olivia: That’s another audio that we should record for the Erotic Audio Store . Welcome to the Mistress Pegging Club. Right?
Ms Erika: We can do pass the pegging slut.
Ms Olivia: Of if it’s a sissy named Peggy – we can do Pegging Peggy.
I actually knew someone whose name was Bendova.
Ms Erika: They just followed me on Twitter today. Bendova. I love it.
Ms Olivia: So we’re laughing because we’re completely comfortable with anal, but that’s not true for everyone. There are a couple common questions about anal play.
Ms Olivia: The first one is the, “what does it mean” question which could be asked about anything.
I had a married guy ask, Does liking anal mean I’m gay?  Short answer? No. That’s a very short answer, but no, there are lots of questions that fall into the category of what does this mean? You know what, actually, we should do a whole podcast answering the, “what does this mean” question?
Ms Delia: I love that topic. Yeah.
Ms Olivia: The other most common question: “Mistress will anal play hurt?”
Ms Delia: I want to answer that one because this is a question I get asked all the time and I blog about anal training .
Anal play absolutely does not have to hurt, but you can’t take something the size of a really extra large cucumber and get it up there on the first day.
I recommend a very slow approach. I love for men to take some time, get sensual, explore their anus and perineum with massage so that they can feel the pleasure without insertion. You can touch that prostate.
When they’re ready, I welcome them to start with just one finger or one small toy and starting slowly can help to not only ease your nerves, but ensure a pleasurable pain-free experience.
Ms Erika: That’s a beautiful thing Delia. You’re absolutely right. He can think about it sort of like a foreplay. Getting her ready to have sex with you, just like with anal play, you explore, you become comfortable with the touching and the arousal.
And really, especially for the first time, the more aroused and turned on you are before any penetration of anything whatsoever, it’s going to be more exciting and pleasurable for you and your brain’s going to start clicking and going: “Yes, yes, yes. I want more of that.”
And once you get them there to the prostate there, ain’t no turning back.
Ms Olivia: Erika, you and I have talked a lot about communication, all three of us have talked about it. We have communicated about communication!
Joking aside, we talk with our callers about the value of communication. This is especially important with anal play.
Ms Erika: Absolutely. It’s key. I mean, to explore yourself is one thing, but when you move on to a partner, it is okay to say, “Oh, wait a minute, slow down.” Your body has to get used to the stimulus.
It’s not going to be like, you know, in porn. “Oh yeah. Okay. I want something in my butt. Oh, this is fantastic.” That’s not how real life is.
When you ask a Mistress about exploring anal sex , you should know where to go. . Stop looking at porn, you come to us. Porn is really good for getting your dick off, but it’s not good for learning anything about real sex.
Ms Olivia: You bring up a great point because I have had people who were like, no, I don’t want to do an anal training with a series of anal training butt plugs , small, medium, and large. I don’t want this tiny little smooth vibrator in me. I want to take this 12 inch coke can sized cock right up first thing, I’m going to shove it in. And I’m like, you know, that’s a great fantasy. Do not do that in reality, because you will rip and tear things. And the minute that happens, all anal play stops, right?
This might be appealing to the people that have a medical fetish, but chances are, it’s a little bit different than this particular trip to the ER.
Of all of the nurses that I’ve seen, not a one wears latex in the hospital. Can I say that? Not a one.
Ms Olivia: Communication, I think, falls in the category of prep, but there’s also some really serious prep work – hygiene prep that is.
Ms Delia: I tend to talk about that actually a lot. I think we’re talking about comfort. We just talked about pain and comfort. Mental comfort is also a big thing. And if you prep for anal play, you can really, really, really set your mind at ease. I suggest that everyone prepare for all BDsm play , it’s just more fun this way.
I get a lot of questions about, you know, Mistress, how can I be ready? How can I get myself ready for that toy or that strap on?
What I say is just be clean inside and out. Anal hygiene is important. If you take a few minutes to clean up, have a nice shower, get yourself ready. You’ll have some peace of mind and not worry about things because you’re going to be ready for it.
Ms Delia : Also when you’re playing set the room up, set up what you are going to need.
And this way you’ve set up for your anal play session. You’re clean inside and out and nothing has to be interrupted. You can just take your time and get sexy with yourself and go for it.
Ms Erika: Mm Hmm. That’s perfect. All of this really helps when you have a Mistress guiding you.
Ms Erika: Anal training done over Skype is where we can watch and say, okay, stop – just wait, just wait. Show me the butt plug that you want to put in.
A Mistress can take the person through anal training while we’re watching. Some people love to be watched, they want to show you everything. “Please, please look at my butt hole!” Others are “I don’t want to show you anything.” Everything that you are feeling is fine. Know that we have seen more assholes than … than a ….a proctologist.
Ms Olivia: I was going to say … than a politician! ~laughs~
Ms Olivia: Now the pre-care is super important and then there’s the aftercare, right.
Ms Erika: Absolutely. This is the exact opposite of that foreplay. Asking how are you feeling? Making sure that that person is whole again,
I mean, they’re in a very vulnerable space, especially if they’re on Skype, especially if we can see, especially if something just doesn’t go perfect. So we’re, we’re used to that where it’s okay if things don’t go perfect, we’ll just go to plan B.
But to allow that person, that time and space to ask questions, or just to breathe with you is so important in a lot of sexual encounters, not just strap on or anal play, it’s a fantastic way of connecting and sharing that shared intimacy. And it’s also a way to kind of come back – in kink play after care is critical because you want the submissive to get grounded in reality and kind of come back to reality.
Ms Olivia: It’s also important for the Mistress as well because a Mistress gets into her Domme space and we need to come back to reality and be grounded in reality.
Ms Erika: Yes, it is both physical and mental coming down, reconnecting with reality.
The truth is you’re in an altered state of consciousness. You were floating in these energies and to just to break that and stop that cold is more detrimental than if you didn’t do it and you just desire these things and never get them.
Ms Olivia: Some guys, I will say, they just hang up right before they cum or right after they cum. They hang up the phone or they hang up on Skype. That’s what they need and that’s what they want. That’s fine. I think the key thing to remember is that kind of anything is possible when we’re in open communication. Ms Delia and I even did a podcast about how to communicate with a Mistress .
Speaking of communication, and I’m just going to say it because I’m this blunt. Some people have said, I think you’re trying to pad the call. Not many people have said that to me. One has said it about me and one said it to me and the entire time that I’ve been here, but I’m sure some people have thought it.
Here’s the thing, none of us have to pad anything. We get off the phone and another call is lined up, right? You’re listening to three of the most popular Mistresses so we don’t have to “pad” calls.
If that’s a concern that just shows a basic sense of mistrust of this person that you’re trusting with your most intimate self. You really need to find a different Mistress. I’m going to say bluntly. I don’t want to talk to someone who worries about me, padding a call and the aftercare or the warmup foreplay. It can be however long he wants it to be. It can be as short as one minute. It can be as short as a couple of minutes. Just something before, the “what am I doing you today, buddy?”
This is an example, it was in the middle of baseball season and I like baseball. I was all excited about something and I’m like, “Hey, good to hear from you. A baseball fan. I’m so excited.” I asked him, “Do you like baseball?” And he goes, I did not call you to talk about baseball. And I’m like, “O-k-a-y, so what are we doing?”
Now I don’t even say, “How are you?” Once I find out it’s him I just say, “What are we doing today?” And it’s not as much fun. There’s no connection. I’m a masturbation sleeve for that guy. And you know, the calls are short so I do it. But it’s, there’s no connection. Right?
Ms Erika: Right. And then that’s the fact of it. What we do — a lot of times we are a guilty indulgence. They need some help masturbating. Maybe they have a hard time achieving orgasm and our sexual energies are such that provides that service to them.
When somebody doesn’t want to take the time, like you said, Olivia, for a moment before or a moment after the session I have to look at it and see what kind of a session it was. Is it really this intense or it’s just, you know, we’re sharing dirty talk and you are jerking off and cumming or is it a real mental experience for them?
And if you’re not into those few minutes then please educate yourself about what is actually happening to you and your mind and your body and understand that we are here for you. Not just because of your call, but because this is something we love doing. And we do want to take care of you, that old adage of a sadistic, heartless, leather clad Mistress is not reality.
Ms Olivia: We might do that and be that in the scene.
Ms Olivia: But it’s not who we are as people. You mentioned sadistic so of course I thought of Delia. She and I actually had a blog called The Pain Mistress. We have that content now on our main blogs.
All three of us have a very mean Mistress side. It’s so much wicked fun in the scene but each of us are … as a person I’m goofy. We’re all goofy. We’re all fun and loving.
Ms Olivia: So Delia mentioned lube, let’s talk about lube. Part of foreplay is getting ready. Lube it up. A quick google search brings up a bunch of articles that say things like best lubes for anal sex .
I like silicone-based lube for anal sex because it lasts the longest. And it’s like super slippery.
Every year there are new and best lube reviews we even have an expert here at LDW.
Ms Delia: We do. And you know, you don’t have to Google the best lube when you can come here and look on Mistress Constance’s blog, Intelligent Femdom. She actually has a tab with her Lube reviews and she goes through every kind of lube update then writes about so many different types that we haven’t even mentioned.
Ms Delia: It’s absolutely worth a read. If you’re looking to upgrade your lube. I have recently been using, I mean, I don’t use a lot of latex condoms or
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