Female Sex Positivity
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Female Sex Positivity
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Sex is something always spoken about in hush tones. Sex is believed to remain confined within the four walls of the bedroom, outside that it is seen as something disgusting and uncivilized.
Every person is taught or conditioned psychologically that sex can happen only between a male and a female. After a lot of struggles and pride movements, we have made some progress to educate people and put an end to this social stigma.
We might have won one battle, but the war is still on. The battle about sex and sexuality is still going on. The society yet again is divided into parts of sex-positive and sex-negative people.
Long story short, sex-positive meaning can be laid out by saying that sex can be a positive thing in a person’s life.
It is an idea that people should be prerogative of the choice to embrace, explore, and educate themselves about their sexuality and gender. This idea is rather seen as a derogatory thought by the snobs in society, putting sex positives through plight.
The core of sex-positive definition is to espouse the idea of enjoying one’s sexuality without any fear of judgment from society.
The very fundamental value of being a sex-positive is that one can choose, whomever they want, to have sex with. No, this does not justify rape. The consent of both parties or more, if involved, is mandatory.
Anyone can have sex and do not have any moral obligations to society. Other than the choice of whom to have sex with, one can volubly talk about it too.
Sex-positive is an umbrella term and applies to a spectrum of beliefs and values.
Sex positivity stands for the idea of sex as just procreation or continuation of human legacy. It extends the thought to pleasure or hedonism.
Sex positivity is about embracing your hedonism without any feeling of guilt or embarrassment about your pursuit of Dionysian fantasies.
Many people have come up as being sex positives and even started the trend on Instagram such as #FreeTheNipple, #EffYourBeautyStandards, and #SexualHealthIsHealth to support the cause.
For some time now, there has been quite a heated and ongoing debate about it. People who delegate themselves as sex positives have raised contemplating questions like, ‘why should breastfeeding be seen as something do be done under covers?’ ‘ why should nipples be covered?’
Sex positives claim these questions and justify their beliefs. They backup these questions with an explanation. Sex positives expressed their opinions by saying that the very purpose of having breasts is to feed the baby and no one should ashamed of doing so, it is natural and can be done publicly. About nipples, they believe, nipples are as much as part of the body as eyes are. Both men and women have them. It is illogical and unreasonable to hide them. Nudity is not a bad thing, according to them.
Besides defying all these social norms, the main agenda is to replace judgment and shame with pleasure and freedom.
Yes, anyone can become sex-positive if they truly support the cause. Albeit, having born and brought up in a sex-negative culture can make it hard to achieve sex-positivity. But given one’s determination and patience can obviously set them on the right path to reach sex-positivity.
The key requirements to become sex-positive are commitment, time, and patience. Being unabashed about one’s sexual choices and also respecting others, without any judgment.
One has to be open-minded and accepting of all the things, whatever makes someone sexually pleased. Whatever and however someone likes to celebrate their sexuality is free of any judgment but should include consent.
Yes, one need not have had sex to become a sex-positive . Being sex-positive means believing in the values sex-positivity stands for and abiding by it. It is more about opposing the philosophies and ideas of sex-negativity.
Sex positivity is about exploring pleasure worthy sexual practices. However, one need not be kinky for it. It doesn’t matter if one prefers vanilla sex or kinky sex, it is totally the person’s choice of seeking pleasure . In fact, it is about respecting and owning what things make you feel erotic, regardless.
Just like Newton said, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Similarly, having sex positives means having sex negatives too.
Sex negatives are the people who do not believe in the causes of sex-positivity. Thus, everyone who is not sex-positive is by default sex-negative. According to sex negatives, the sole reason for sex should be procreational coitus, done in a bedroom.
Sex negatives perceive human sexuality as something-
Violence toward sex workers, trans women, and femmes- seeing these people as less of a human being simply due to their sexual preferences. Having a prejudice and sometimes even resorting to violence for the same, make a person sex-negative.
Slut-shaming And Victim-Blaming- Another classic example of sex negatives, calling out women for their preference of clothing and urge to feel sensuous and desirable.
Instagram shadow-banning sex educators – Not a very long time ago, a girl posted a picture of the period’s blood-stained bedsheet which was removed by Instagram on the grounds of ‘violating community guidelines’.
The app is itself a medium or platform to bring changes and raise voices against various plights different people suffer, globally. Turns out, it is biased and not so free for all. It is also powerless when it comes down to ‘community’.
The Good Girl vs Bad Girl Fallacy – Over centuries, society, as a whole, has always set a notion about women being bad or good based on their eligibility criteria. Women have always been dissected instantly as good or bad, as per society’s norms and regulations. Based on clothing, attitude, and behavior, everything can be standardized about a woman.
Anyhow, Sex positivity is an approach or attitude towards celebrating everyone’s sexual choices and respecting the same with utter diligence.
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Jo is a freelance writer and copywriter with qualifications in personal performance coaching, neurolinguistic programming, and yoga. She's lived her life in pursuit of freedom (mostly from the inside out), and now uses her words to help others do the same. Find her #findingfreedom on Instagram @whatjosaid or at whatjosaid.com
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Is male sexual pleasure more admissible than female sexual pleasure? This was my first question when a robotic dildo designed for women was barred from the Consumer Electronics Show earlier this year. Nevermind that a sex robot designed for men took pride of place at the same show. Yet Alex Fine, a credentialed sexologist and co-founder of Dame Products , believes there’s a bigger conversation to be had—we need to start talking about sex, period.
“We’ve met so many roadblocks when it comes to marketing our products. We’d been working with the Metropolitan Transportation Authority to run a campaign on the New York subway. The project had been ongoing for six months when they changed their policies at the last second and pulled the campaign. They said they couldn’t work with companies that were sexually orientated.”
Yet there were already advertisements running on the subway for medication to increase low libidos. “It feels as if wanting to have sex is OK, but wanting to enjoy it is something different as if it’s salacious and prurient, and working with us could tarnish a company’s reputation. I know it’s unconscious bias, but that bias is always different and you never really get to the truth. We always seem to deal with a proxy. Some people just don’t see the difference between male and female sexual pleasure, and others don’t want to talk about sex at all.”
The investors willing to put money into companies that design sex toys, or who have the money to do so, are generally men, says Alex. “Of course men are more likely to invest in their version of the sexual experience. A lot of people only understand their own experience. It’s all they know. And that’s why we should be talking about sex as a whole rather than just looking at it through a gendered lens.”
That said; there’s been a notable increase in efforts to mute the conversation around female sexual pleasure since Me Too. “It feels like we need to talk about women’s physical experience more than ever to help men gauge what’s appropriate and what’s not, yet so many people say it’s just too risky now.”
Cultural taboos arguably increase a tendency towards sexual aggression, and in order for society to be more balanced, it needs to be less rigid in its definition of sexuality. That’s why conversations lead to freedom from shame for everyone—women, the LGBTQ community, and men. Ultimately, it seems, the route to equal orgasm opportunity may also be the route to social justice, helping more people to embrace diversity and gain access to essential sex education.
A study tells us that more than 91 percent of cis-men “usually” orgasm during sex, yet only 39 percent of cis-women said the same. Dame aims to redress the balance. “Only four percent of women say their route to orgasm is through internal penetration, yet the way we see women getting aroused in movies is through penetration. That’s why we wanted to design products that we could run to the bathroom and try out—alone. It means we create something of value.”
Enhancing female sexual pleasure can only serve to enhance the male experience too. “There’s something so inherently powerful about experiencing pleasure in your body, and knowing that you can give yourself this pleasure. The experience grows you as a person. If you know your body, you know your power so you can negotiate relationships and respond to the world better.”
“Years from now I imagine who designs the toys will matter less, but right now we need to understand that different people have different experiences, and it’s not just about your genitals. I ask people if they’d want to live in a world that’s sexless. Of course, they say no, there’s something about their sex lives that’s really important to them.”
If we can’t explore and express our own personal desires, are we repressing a part of ourselves? Alex says that answering this question is “step one” for Dame, while female empowerment follows suit. “Sex is so much bigger than gender, and talking about it openly with friends or lovers takes relationships to the next level; it allows someone to really see you.”
“Sex also takes us into a different state of being. We act in ways we would never act normally, but it’s OK to do so when the circumstances are right. I think that’s what owning your sexuality means—that and being comfortable with how your sexuality changes throughout life.”
This is why Alex wants you to be curious, and to ask yourself if you’re happy with your sex life. “Carve out time to learn about your anatomy and what pleasures you,” she says. “Read about it, get a vibrator, be intentional, and most of all be patient.” It’ll be worth the wait.
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