Female Orgasm Sex

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Female Orgasm Sex
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By Ann Richardson

August 30, 2022
Lifestyle



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The female orgasm is suddenly in fashion this summer, if the number of newspaper stories is any indication. Like the British say about buses, you wait for ages for one and then three come at once.
Oh dear, that wasn’t meant to be a pun.
So, what were these stories all about?
It started in June with a movie, with the unlikely title of Good Luck to You, Leo Grande . This is the story of a 60-ish-year-old woman, widowed for two years or so, who hires a sex worker to learn more about sex.
Her husband had been of the ‘do the business and put your pyjamas on’ variety, and she felt she had missed out. Why was there such a fuss?
Among other things, she tells the sex worker that she had never had an orgasm, but this was not what was worrying her. At least ostensibly.
The movie is not primarily about orgasms or even about sex narrowly defined. Most of it concerns the two protagonists talking. And talking. And, of course, sex happens.
But it is very much about sex in the sense of two people learning about themselves and each other through their mutual interaction and intimacy.
And it is very frank about the female orgasm.
I might add that I thought it was a very good film, conveying the complexity of sexual activity and its importance to our sense of contentment with ourselves.
About two weeks later, my newspaper of choice ( The Times , London) ran an article by its science editor about a study of the female orgasm, being undertaken at the University of Ottawa.
What pleased me was that the study’s population, more than 600 women, were aged 18 to 82. It was great to see some recognition of the continuation of sexual activity into our older years.
The research seemed to be principally concerned with testing the accuracy of two ‘orgasm scales’, used to measure orgasms for their ‘subjective psychological aspects’.
These were, in turn, an ‘orgasm rating scale’ and a ‘bodily sensations of orgasm’ scale. The women were asked about their experiences to see how these tallied with existing understanding.
Among other findings, the study noted that the female orgasm, as shown on the large screen, is not the norm at all.
We do not necessarily moan or scream in When Harry Met Sally style. Such ‘copulatory vocalisations’ (wonderful phrase) were voluntary and did not correlate with female pleasure.
Who would have known? Who discusses these things with anyone? My close friends would know I am acquainted with sexual pleasure (and vice versa), but we have never explored the details.
And just when I thought the topic must surely be covered for some time, yet another study was reported, this time in August, from Charles University in Prague.
Using a blue-tooth vibrator (the mind boggles) to examine the internal reactions of 54 women, age unspecified, during orgasm, they found that the actions of the pelvic floor muscles varied considerably from one woman to another.
As scientists love to catalogue and name, these researchers came up with three different types of orgasm: the avalanche, the wave and the volcano. Each label corresponded with particular muscle fluctuation patterns at the time of orgasm.
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t a clue how all this research helps the ordinary woman in the course of her day-to-day life.
Perhaps women who are in the habit of faking it will change their ‘copulatory vocalisations’, although this raises issues of what their menfolk have been led to expect. You do need a certain concurrence about expectations here.
Perhaps women with no experience of orgasm will learn how to manage, or indeed recognise, their orgasmic contractions more clearly. Yet this seems odd to me as such contractions are clearly involuntary (not in the sense of not wanted, but in the sense of not being within a woman’s control).
But I still have problems. As far as I am concerned, all these visible (or audible) manifestations of orgasm rather miss the point.
It is not the exact description of what any person’s body does that is most important, but the overall sensation of pleasure, intimacy and bonding associated with orgasm.
Not to mention the longer-term impact of the whole event on overall well-being.
In my view, the world is washed clean after sexual climax and your sense of being at peace is profound. Can anyone measure this?
And if anyone reading is wondering what this discussion has to do with the readers of Sixty and Me , let me assure you that sexuality continues right on up the age scale, if you want it to.
Some people say that sex changes with age, but I do not recognise that view. Nor do various friends I have asked. And we are in our 80s.
There may be less swinging from chandeliers – if that was ever part of your repertoire; it never appealed to me – but sexual feelings and experiences have not changed for me.
And for the very skeptical, do read my article about my father, aged 90 .
Why do you think there is this sudden interest in the female orgasm? What is your experience with it, and do you think it should be studied by universities? What do you think is the most important outcome from a pleasurable sexual experience?
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I recommend another very romantic, erotic and woman-focused film written/directed/produced by and for women called “A Perfect Ending” a bit more expansive and sumptuously delightful view of the topic. Also a truly beautiful film.
I certainly don’t think sex is less important as we age, the contrary actually. I’m enjoying it more and more often. The problem of ED is another subject, but doesn’t really affect a woman’s orgasm. There’s so much you can do besides the actual act. We’re having a great time! :)
I kind of thought there was always an interest in female orgasms!
Surely most older women and men who want sex enjoy solo sex. Women with a vibrator. A partner would be nice, but it has to be a most special person. There is a lot of baggage involved in the dance of pleasing your partner.
I no longer swing from chandeliers or have sex on rooftops, however, there is no shortage of orgasms in my life. Amen I may not be as limber as I was.. but I’m still having a good time.

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Sex After 60

Ann Richardson’s new book, The Granny Who Stands on Her Head , comprises a series of reflections on growing older and is partly a memoir. Her three other books explore other people’s thoughts, experiences and emotions in their own words. Ann lives with her husband in London, England. Please visit her website: http://annrichardson.co.uk.
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Featuring oh-so-many ways to put that sex toy collection to use.
Anyone who’s ever had sex will tell you that orgasms, sadly, aren’t always guaranteed. But the first rule of getting there? Don’t think about it. "Acknowledging the fact that orgasms aren’t the sole purpose of sex can actually help you climax quicker and with greater ease,” says Sarah Riccio , queer sex educator and co-founder of Delicto.com . “Taking the focus away from the concept of a grand finale can ease your mind and relieve performance anxiety, which, coincidentally, can help you cum. So before you and your partner hit the sheets, take a moment to prioritize pleasure and connection over orgasming.”
Basically: Cuming isn’t the end all, be all of sex with your partner. It’s about the ~journey~, not the destination. And yet, orgasms are freaking delightful, and if you want to increase your chances of having one (or, you know, multiple orgasms ), there is stuff you can do to accomplish your goals (while simultaneously, somehow, still not thinking about said goals!). Here’s how.
Repeat after me: If it takes you awhile to orgasm, that’s okay, do not feel bad. You and your body deserve patience from your partner, and they should want to take their time to make you feel good! “More than 80% of women can’t orgasm from penetration alone,” says Niki Davis-Fainbloom , sex expert for Keepler . “I highly recommend taking your time with foreplay , including manual stimulation , oral sex , and using sex toys , as it takes most women 10-12 minutes to get sufficiently aroused. Penetration feels infinitely better when you’re turned on.” (Emphasis on “aroused”—it doesn’t have to take you only 10-12 minutes to orgasm. Don’t rush the process!)
Make sure your sex toy drawer is stocked with the buzzy gadgets that do it for you, and don’t be afraid to incorporate them into partnered play. “Toys are your friends. Sex toys are not competition for your partner, and using them to get off doesn’t make you any less capable of cumming. If holding a vibrating wand against your clit while your partner penetrates you is how you like to climax, do it! Remember: Pleasure is the name of the game here, so feel empowered to explore what feels good,” says Riccio.
Not to doubt the power of your WAP, but even if you’re already naturally lubricated, add lube anyway. “There are many reasons why a vagina may not become ‘wet’, and it doesn’t mean you’re not turned on, so reach for some lube whenever you need it,” says Ruby Payne, sex expert at adult toy retailer UberKinky . “Heck, even if you’re as wet as a slip ‘n’ slide, I’d say grab some more—there’s no such thing as too much lube. Lube heightens everything and makes you much more sensitive.”
You know when you need to pee really badly, and then you finally get to the toilet and the relief you get from peeing feels like a gift from heaven above? That’s what building desire feels like, but better. “Focus less on any one particular sex position and more on what feels good. What feels arousing? When do you feel desire?” says Sarah Kaufman, LMSW , a psychotherapist at Cobb Psychotherapy . “Many people have what’s called responsive sexual desire, meaning it takes a bit of buildup to feel sexually aroused. This buildup could include physical stimulation, like touching a leg, hand, or arm. It could also mean psychogenic [psychological] stimulation, like having an energizing conversation over dinner. If you fall into that category, there’s no magic sex position that will lead to orgasm if the buildup doesn’t happen.”
And if it doesn’t happen, you’re still good . “Orgasms can be elusive for a number of reasons, including the menstrual cycle, stress, and mental and physical health issues. Just because it doesn't happen, doesn't mean the sex wasn't worth having—you and your partner still got to connect!” says Tara Struyk , co-founder and editor-in-chief of Kinkly.com .
With all this in mind, here are 15 expert-approved sex positions to maximize your chances of orgasming. (And if these still don’t work for you, don’t freak out. Use them as a starting point, identify what feels good, and keep exploring variations of that position until you feel happy and satisfied.)
Instead of being on all fours like in regular doggy, the receiver kneels so they’re semi-sitting on their partner’s lap as they penetrate. “It’s great if you love stimulation of your internal hot spots or cervical stimulation, and it gives you more physical closeness as your back rests against your partner's chest. Plus, it allows your partner to nibble on your ear or neck and whisper dirty thoughts into your ear,” says Sarah Melancon, PhD , sociologist and clinical sexologist at Sex Toy Collective . “You or your partner can also touch your clitoris with your fingers or a vibrator.”
“Doggy style is good for a lot of reasons, including internal stimulation, if that’s your thing. But for us clit folks, it creates plenty of space to reach your clit with a hand or a favorite vibrator,” says Kayla Lords , a sex expert and writer for Women’s Health Interactive . “If your doggy style sex is fast-paced or rough, kinky fun, it may be more difficult to hold onto a larger toy. Finger vibrators, especially those with loops designed to fit around your finger, are a great option because they’re essentially an extension of your hand. So as you’re being pounded as hard as you like, you only have to keep your hand in position and not worry about also holding a large vibrator.”
There's nothing like being so turned on you can't see straight. A good way to get there is through edging . Have your partner use their fingers, their mouth, toys—whatever turns you on the most to bring you just to the brink of orgasm, then stopping just before you finish. Repeat until you just can't take it anymore, ending in a mind-blowing O.
If shower sex isn't quite getting you there, pull that detachable shower head down and make it earn its keep. Direct the stream on or near your clit and feel the glory that is having sex with water.
If you can orgasm on your own but have trouble with another person, try taking matters into your own hands. Masturbate with a toy or your hand while your partner watches, or face each other while you're both touching yourselves. Hot, intimate, and you'll get exactly the kind of sensation you like.
Take the ultimate power stance. “Straddle and ride your partner's face,” suggests Ruby Bouie Johnson LCSW, LCDC, an open relationship coach. "As you sit on their face, pull your partner's head forward. This position lets you move your pelvis or your partner's tongue into the necessary position for pleasure.”
If you're into it (and if you really trust your partner), Johnson suggests using a four-point restraint to let them tie you down to the bed and blindfold you, and use their "fingers and mouth to stimulate and tease your nipples, inner thigh, labia minora (around the clitoral hood), neck, and lips." The idea is to "keep you in suspense, anticipation, and on the brink of climax for an extended period of time, which creates an explosive orgasm when one allows or is ready for it to happen.”
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Try a version where a person is sitting between the legs of a partner with a penis (or strap-on), suggests Lexx Brown-James , LMFT, CSE, CSES, author of The Black Girls' Guide to Couple's Intimacy . The penetrating partner is on their knees, so there's more comfort for all. You can also add a clitoral vibe to juice things up.
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Sit in a chair and have your partner put two fingers on either side of your clitoris, scissoring their fingers together while gently licking or sucking the tip of your clit. “This allows for maximal stimulation to the clitoris, both the sides, and the head at the same time,” which can send you over the moon fast , explains Laurel Steinberg, PhD , a professor of sexology and relationship expert.
Your partner thrusts into you from behind as you’re on your belly with your head down. Not only does this allow for deeper penetration, but you can have them knead or spank your butt for improved orgasm. This position is great if you’re a little nervous about letting your partner see your O-face too, says Steinberg.
Bouncing off your partner can create a feeling that some women find to be super intense (in a good way) and leaves the external part of your clit exposed and ready to be stroked with a finger or toy, adds Steinberg. Have your partner thrust into you while they kneel and grab your hips so your thighs rest on their lap. Meanwhile, you go to town on your clit with your favorite vibe for a nearly foolproof way to ensure you get yours too.
Think: regular spoon sex, but deeper and hotter by moving the party to the couch and hooking your top leg over the top of the cushions. The extra space also allows you prime real estate to move your hands or your partner’s hands to your clitoris for maximum oomph. It also allows your bodies to be close and generate warmth and intimacy, says Rachel Needle , PsyD , a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in West Palm Beach, Florida.
Another good couch position, the Armchair Traveler has you on your knees and bent over, holding onto the couch's arm while your partner enters you from behind. If you want to take control, you can also have your partner stay still while you thrust backward into them, using the couch arm for leverage while you thrust. This angle can allow for deep penetration and gives your partner the chance to hold a vibrator to your clitoris while you lean forward, adds Needle.
According to Layla Martin , sexpert and author of Wild Woman in the Bedroom , being on top has loads of benefits.“You have more control over the speed, angle, and intensity, so it makes it easier to keep it at a rhythm that’s really doing it for you. Your vulva and clitoris are also very accessible, and the vast majority of women find intercourse much more pleasurable if they are also stroking or being stroked in this area.”
But for an upgrade on the classic, try sitting your partner down on a chair and climbing on top. There’s something super intimate about sitting on your partner’s lap and being able to be held during sex. And if you're a little shy about self-stimulation, you can always flip around, so you don't have to make eye contact. The best part is you can be totally hands-free as your partner stimulates you, really putt
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