Female 8

Female 8
Comment deleted by user · 1 yr. ago
The Enneagram is a model of the human psyche that is principally understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types.
Hey all, I'm a male 1w2 and have started dating an 8w9. We gel super welll. Our Christian faiths match up freakishly well, we make each other laugh all the time, we have super aligned active lifestyles, we respect each other so much, and are both dog owners. It's to the point where I definitely am seeing this going really far if not the distance. She and I are both incredibly cognizant of our enneagrams, she's actually suuuuper self-aware.
I want to be wise about timing stuff and want to keep a healthy pace to our relationship but have started to wonder if any of you guys have had experience dating a female 8. Any pro-tips?
8w7 hubby is 2w3. It’s nice when he takes the lead on something. It gives me a break. Being vulnerable is very hard for 8s, let her know but most importantly make sure she FEELS safe with you so she can open up fully.
Thank you! Really great advice! Her strength and boldness were very attractive to me! I have fortunately been able to allow her to feel more secure in sharing things on her mind and she has repeatedly said she feels very happy that she can be herself with me. I will definitely make sure she feels safe to be vulnerable.
Hey! I’ve got experience here, wow! My wife of 23 years is an 8w9, and I’m a 7w6. She’s great! Unlike other 8’s, she’s good at apologizing. We’re both Christians too. My son is actually a 1w2. The first 10 years were really intense for me, because we both loved to argue. If you’re anything like us, at times most fights would focus around semantics (because I go to 1 in stress, and my son’s already a 1 lol). To defuse these things we find it’s helpful to use feeling words to describe unmet expectations. (Ultimately, most fights are about unmet expectations.) It’s a lot easier to focus on the “soft” emotions too. Saying you’re sad or disappointed is far more diffusing than saying you’re angry or furious. It tends to be easier to listen to, and our three temperaments sometimes want to defend a point based on technicalities rather than get to the emotional core of the issue. My best advice is to get ahead of conflict by setting ground rules for when you don’t agree on something. Now, you might be so new to the relationship that this is premature, but keep it in the back of your mind. Solid relationships are based on great communication, so having good ground rules to make sure everyone feels heard and honored is super important. Counseling and books on conflict are helpful too.
I’m actually excited for you, my wife is amazing! She’s a hard worker and pretty much everything she does is to take care of someone else. She’s had to learn to take care of herself, because 8’s are great at ignoring their bodies and emotional needs. This tendency can make them grumpy, so be sure to encourage her to take care of herself, everyone will be happier.
I’d also encourage you to look for articles or books on how 8’s and 1’s interact in relationships, it’ll be illuminating for you guys, and a fun bonding experience! Bless you guys on your romantic journey together!!!
Wow very interesting! I appreciate the insights and will definitely bring up a conversation about boundaries regarding disagreements, expectations, and sharing emotions.
She is also an extremely hard worker and is really such an amazing person in her church community. I marvel at her selflessness since (not to toot my own horn) I also will selflessly serve in my community. I'll have to keep an eye out for when she neglects herself. She's very on top of exercise (one of the many things we share) but she is into keto which I know the lack of carbs can make people a bit crabby.
Thank you for the blessings and the insights! Super excited!
I’m a 2w3, married to a 8w9. She is amazing. Best advice - learn how to fight. 8a value honesty and strong pushback. If you strongly state your position and she is quiet for a minute, then she agrees. Her anger will be strong, quick and over soon.
Oh great insight. She said she really values that I stand firm on things and won’t bend over if I know I’m right. Good to know her anger (haven’t seen it yet) is not lasting anger!
My best friend of ten years is an 8. Just take the lead. Don't let her worry you are withholding information. Don't avoid confrontation but learn to schedule it for a specific time in the near future. Remer that 8s feel that decision making is a burden, so deferring to them constantly will tire them. Be assertive and flexible. Let me elaborate.
Any time you want to cool of because you are angry or hurt, say "I need x amount of time" or "I need some time to process this. Can we wait? Give me a half an hour and I will find you. "
Seeing up that clear boundary of when to regroup indicates that you are not avoiding confrontation that likely needs to happen. Rather, you are adding that yes, it needs to happen, and I need to sort out my thoughts and I will come back to you.
Stepping up to be assertive is valued by an 8.
They want a partner who will not defer to them all the time. Be firm with your suggestions and flexible when there's push back.
Remember, push back does not always mean they are trying to over power you. There is a very real possibility that they are unaware how strong they are expressing themselves in the moment. Conversely, they may be unintentionally testing you to make sure you really do mean what you say.
8s are really great at helping loved ones realize when they've been lying to themselves and are therefore great for 9s (who are more apt to stuff their anger).
Wow really great advice, thank you! I have seen glimpses of what you said already. Fortunately, we are both very communicative. I do tend to get a bit reticent when I'm angry so i will try my best to openly declare boundaries and talk about processing anger to her so she knows. She said she loves it when i give her my ETA and share my daily schedule with her.
What's the difference between female and male 8?
Common traits for an 8 aren’t always desired/expected for women so it can manifest differently and just be a different experience
The difference is cultural, to a large degree. Many cultures, especially American, like assertive 8 males but assertive 8 females are seen as unreasonable. It’s sad, but things are shifting due to awareness of the enneagram.
I think this relationship has a lot of potential! You’re both strong personalities with a lot in common.
I’m gonna second the control thing. 8s biggest fear is being controlled, and 1 wanting to improve everything might seem controlling to an 8. Especially combined with a 2 wing and Christian values you’ve got to make sure not to smother her or boss her around.
Thank you for that reminder! She and I are definitely both big planners and she definitely really appreciates it when I provide her with things like my ETA or my schedule because I know how helpful that is as someone who likes to plan. I'll keep an eye out for the smothering/controlling. I try my best to operate with freedom and not control as a Christian.
Good post/comments (yet worried a little what it means that I simply interpreted this as a person asking how it is to date an 8 of the opposite sex). All the comments and cultural/social points are valid and unfortunately still true. My experience agrees with all the good tips about 8 relationships (btw, my longtime 8 wife - just happens to also be Polish - is awesome.)
Nice. Helpful to get confirmation on the tips! Much appreciated!
as a a female 8 with type 1 friends, i can definitely say the one consistent thing that gets under my skin about 1s is the suffocation of them often feeling like everyone should live by their standards. an 8s core fear is being powerless or controlled by others, so definitely be aware of that potential tendency in yourself and check in regularly to make sure she’s not feeling suffocated. i also grew up non-denom christian for the first 20 years of my life, and i’ll say that i’m sooo grateful to have become agnostic because as an 8 i’ve had a HARD road learning to live with someone else in my space. if you guys aren’t living together and don’t plan to before getting married, definitely make it a huge logistics talking point in premarital counseling or something, because she’s unlikely to even consciously realize right now that this is a problem for her. i made a lot of assumptions when i was younger that it would be “different” when it was someone i loved as opposed to like a roommate or family. but it’s not. :) it takes major adjustment all the same.
Thanks for sharing! Sad to hear that your journey has led you to be agnostic. Hope there isn't any lingering hurt. Christianity is meant to be a relationship that we strive to have with God but we have imperfect people trying to make it into a religion.
Thanks for the tips. I've always been trying to grow as a 1 and have learned to let go of my pressing my standards on other people.
Run into that 8's arms cause they are loyal, honest, and 100% want your success while never playing the victim while also giving you the hottest sex of your dreams?

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"So many vaginas, such a short life," says one biologist in a raucous new book on the diversity of females in the animal kingdom. The hyena, for example, uses her 8-inch clitoral tube to pee, copulate and give birth.
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6/25/22

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The dolphin has one that is spiral-shaped and filled with trap doors. The ring-tailed lemur’s disappears, and the opossum has three.
Welcome to the wild, weird and woefully ignored world of animal vaginas.
There are vaginas that look nothing like vaginas, such as the spider monkey’s pseudo penis or the hyena’s 8-inch clitoral tube out of which she pees, copulates and gives birth.
“Biologists love penises,” writes Rachel Gross in “Vagina Obscura” (Norton), noting that the vagina has typically been given short shrift by animal researchers. “They’re also easy to study. Penises kind of hang out.”
The field has suffered from the long-held belief that vaginas were mere passive receptacles — a bias that extended to female animals in general. Gross calls this “vagina neglect.” Mount Holyoke biology professor Patricia Brennan, who has studied vaginas for nearly two decades, calls it “the copulatory black box.”
The 2014 study “Genital Evolution: Why Are Females Still Understudied” found that 49% of papers published in the last 25 years only studied male sex organs, compared to 8% that focused solely on female anatomy. “We argue that understanding genital evolution is hampered by an outdated single-sex bias,” the paper reads.
In the last decade, however, there’s been an overhaul of the study of animal genitals, as long-established beliefs aren’t standing up to scrutiny.
Vaginas are finally having their day in the sun — especially in the rollicking new book “Bitch: On the Female of the Species” (Basic Books) by Lucy Cooke, out now.
“In the natural world female form and role varies wildly to encompass a fascinating spectrum of anatomies and behaviors,” writes Cooke, an author, TV personality, zoologist and self-proclaimed explorer. This new understanding of female anatomy “redefines not just the female of the species, but the very forces that shape evolution.”
Grandfather of evolutionary biology Charles Darwin wrote that “genitals do not concern us” and largely avoided the topic. Female animals were then viewed as less evolved versions of males — smaller, more immature, less aggressive. Females upheld the Victorian standards of the era, or “the coy female,” as Darwin described. Textbooks on animal behavior wrote about the “reluctant female and the ardent male.”
Amidst mounting evidence to the contrary, Colombian biologist Patricia Brennan started studying vaginas.
She began with the mallard. After finding a spiral shaped, wormlike penis in blue-gray birds called tinamou in Costa Rica (when 97% of birds have no external genitals), she turned her attention to the duck. When she discovered the fowl’s huge corkscrew-shaped phallus and the disturbing sex act that came along with it, she nearly fell off her chair. It made her wonder — what did the corresponding vagina look like?
She found that they were just as elaborate, filled with byzantine crevices and blind alleys. During regular copulation, the female anatomy works counter-clockwise to the male’s. When copulation is forced — which it often is — a female duck’s elaborate anatomy protects them with tooth-like cavities.
Brennan’s duck work “transformed scientific thinking and rehabilitated the female from passive victim to active agent of her own evolutionary destiny,” writes Cooke.
But duck sex was just the “gateway drug.” Other animals followed, including the dolphin which has strikingly similar spiral shaped sex organs. “Convergent evolution with a duck!” Brennan said to Cooke. “It’s nuts!”
Like ducks, female dolphins can shift their body and force a penis into a blind alley. “Females have evolved creative ways to control the insemination of their eggs, even when males are more powerful, numerous or forceful,” Cooke writes.
The battle of the sex organs often has wide evolutionary implications. When male mosquito fish evolve longer genitals, for example, the females’ brains actually grow bigger “to outwit their aggressors.”
Eventually, Brennan set herself a new goal to compile the world’s first physical library of animal vaginas.
‘Understanding genital evolution is hampered by an outdated single-sex bias.’
“So many vaginas, such a short life,” Brennan told Cooke.
Her investigations revealed how adaptable the organ is: for example, the female privates of the spiny dogfish change shape, becoming more asymmetrical in pregnancy to accommodate pups. But nothing is quite as remarkable as the opossum, which has a surprise vagina that disappears “like a secret door” after giving birth. Opossum also have two uteri, two ovaries, and two other vaginas.
There are female moles with “balls,” called ovotestes, that consist of both ovarian and testicular tissue. The ovaries produce eggs and the testes make testosterone, but not sperm, to beef up the mole’s aggression and body mass. These parts of the body shrink and expand according to need and breeding season.
Then there are all the fake phalluses. Madagascar’s Fossa, which Cooke describes as a “puma with a shrunken head,” actually grows an “internal bone” to look like a male penis, even exuding a yellow liquid on its underside. The pretend penis disappears when the fossa is old enough to mate. Researchers believe it evolved to “protect them from unwanted attention from older males and territorial females.”
The ring-tailed lemur also has a pseudo-scrotum and an extended clitoris that is nearly identical to a lemur penis. They could, if they wanted, “write their name in the snow,” joked one lemur researcher.
Genitals evolve faster than any other body part, Cooke writes, and Brennan and other researchers believe that females actually play a greater role in genital natural selection than males, thereby acting as more active agents of evolution than any of the earlier, male-centric researchers could have imagined.
Another interesting finding of Brennan’s is the dolphin’s “enormous clitoris” that is “dense with erectile tissue and blood vessels and shaped remarkably like a human clitoris.”
Though researchers have long witnessed sexual behavior in dolphins outside copulation — rubbing clitorises against other dolphin’s noses, for example, or against objects on the sea floor, no one had gone the extra step to study the function of the clitoris.
Brennan and colleagues dissected dolphin clitoris samples and found webs of nerve endings and spongy tissue that enabled swelling in areas easily accessible to the outside. Interestingly, dolphins are far from the only animal with clitorises — all mammals have one.
Everyone knows about the penis-fencing bonobo male monkeys, but what about the huge “cantaloupe-sized” clitoris of the bonobo female? Some bonobo researchers believe that the clitoris — in a front-facing position like a human’s — “facilitate[s] mutual stimulation with other females.” Bonobos engage in genital-to-genital rubbing with other females, and will often choose this act over sex with males.
These animals are engaging in sex acts outside of the need to make babies. Sex, therefore, “serves richer and more complex purposes than solely the transfer of sperm from one party to another . . . It can be used to strengthen friendship and alliances, make gestures of dominance and submission, as part of social negotiations,” writes “Vagina Obscura” author Rachel Gross.
For decades, female sex outside copulation was dismissed as aberrant, along with female aggression. Lots of researchers “looked the other way if they encountered philandering females.” The reality is that only 7% of species are sexually monogamous.
A female lion will mate up to 100 times a day with multiple male suitors during heat. Chimpanzees border on “nymphomania, especially when ovulating” — and animals like orangutans and marmosets have sex throughout their cycle when there’s no chance of getting pregnant.
The lopi antelope are a great example of how bias has clouded research. When Darwin noticed the female’s powerful horns, he dismissed it as a “waste of vital power.”
Boy, was he wrong. Females are not only randy, they’re sexual aggressors. During their short fertility window, “it’s not uncommon to see males collapsing from exhaustion as the demands of the female get too much for them,” writes Cooke.
Females duke it out for the finite sperm reserves and will even charge a “top stud” to stop the act of copulation with another female. As a result, the male takes on the “female’s traditionally choosy role in order to conserve precious sperm.”
“Females aren’t destined to be passive and coy, evolutionary afterthoughts just waiting to be dominated by males,” writes Cooke. Learning about the vast differences in female form and function “leaves me empowered by the boundless possibilities of the female experience.”

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