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We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.
Posted July 15, 2013
|
Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Some women dislike providing oral sex, but many enjoy it.
“Lots of women derive pleasure from feeling a lover’s erection in their mouths,” says Fair Oaks, California, sex therapist Louanne Weston, Ph.D. “But few women relish what you often see in pornography —having their heads held firmly while men push their erections deep down their throats. That makes most women gag and feel used. But with the man seated or on his back and the woman kneeling or above him, she has a great deal of control and can be as playful and creative as she likes. Many women enjoy that—as well as seeing how much their lovers enjoy oral sex.”
“Fellatio,” comes from the Latin, fellare , to suck. Fellatio is popular but by no means universal. According to a recent survey by researchers at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, 60 to 90 percent of adult men have received it at least once, with 50 to 80 percent of those age 21 to 49 saying they’ve received it during the past year—20 to 50 percent of men over 50.
If your lovemaking includes fellatio, here’s how women can boost their own confidence and men’s enjoyment.
Every man should wash his penis and scrotum with soap and water whenever he bathes or showers. If a man neglects this, dirt and bacteria build up and make the penis smell and taste foul—and increase the risk of transmitting sexual infections. Some men are not as fastidious as women would like. In that case, a woman might suggest that the couple shower together before sex and wash him herself.
Some women worry than men might urinate during fellatio. This can’t happen. A valve in the penis allows urine—but not semen—to flow when the penis is flaccid, and semen—but not urine—to flow when it’s erect.
If providing fellatio gives you pleasure, say so. Most men get turned on knowing that their lovers enjoy giving head.
Men should feel free to direct women’s oral explorations in ways that heighten their arousal. But gentle requests are usually more welcome than terse commands. “Remember,” Weston explains, “fellatio is a gift, not something you demand of a slave.”
About using teeth: Many men prefer lips and tongue only. However, some men enjoy light nibbling with teeth along the shaft. Ask if the man is open to this. If so, keep it gentle and check in: “Is this OK?”
The 1972 pornographic film, Deep Throat , invented a character whose clitoris was supposedly located in her throat. To have orgasms, she had to take men’s erections deep down there. Deep Throat became the only X-rated movie to break out of the porn ghetto and play to mainstream audiences. It grossed $600 million.
Since then, many men have wanted to push their erections down their lovers’ throats, and many women have been interested in providing this variation. The problem is that deep throating—and some ordinary fellatio—triggers gagging.
Stick anything too far down the throat, and the result is gagging, a defensive reflex that helps prevent choking. In addition, some women are unusually prone to gagging, which can make them avoid fellatio. Men should never push themselves down women throats. But for women interested in deep-throating, here are some tips:
Some men equate ejaculating into women’s mouths with deep acceptance of them. If women enjoy this, fine, but men should not insist on it.
“A woman can be madly in love with a man and totally accept him,” says Palo Alto sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D., “and still not want a mouthful of semen. Men should respect women’s sexual boundaries.”
Some women forbid men from coming in their mouths because they fear injury from the force of ejaculation. It’s not forceful. It’s like biting down on a warm cherry tomato. Others don’t care for the taste of semen (more below).
If women dislike semen in the mouth, try condom-covered fellatio. That way men ejaculate inside the mouth, but not into it.
About swallowing: Semen is safe to swallow, but if women would rather not, they have every right to decline. Don’t badger them. But when women understand the composition of semen, some become less squeamish. Semen is:
Some women fear that semen in the mouth may spread sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It’s possible to transmit gonorrhea this way. However, the AIDS virus is highly unlikely to spread orally, unless the woman has bleeding gums or a sore that allows semen-to-blood contact. To eliminate the fear of spreading STIs, get tested and, if necessary, treated. Or the man can wear a condom.
Weston comments: “A man once told me: ‘Coming is the fun part. Once the stuff leaves my body, I don’t care where it goes.’ I wish men would let go of the idea that to feel erotically accepted, women have to ‘drink their essence.’”
Some women who feel fine about semen in the mouth complain about its taste.
Urologists say the taste can’t be changed, that seminal fluid is unalterable because it includes the precise mixture necessary to support sperm, and if its composition is constant, its taste must be, too.
However, many women insist that diet makes a real difference. Former porn star, Annie Sprinkle, who claims to have tasted 1,000 men’s semen, says vegetarians taste best, that drinking fruit juices improves the taste, and that smoking, alcohol , meats, and asparagus spoil the taste.
Internet discussions generally agree that semen can be sweetened with a diet high in fruit and fruit juices, especially pineapple and apple juice. They also generally agree on the foods that foul its taste: broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, deep-fried foods, meats, dairy foods, alcohol, coffee, and asparagus (which makes sense because of its well-known ability to alter the aroma of urine).
Cigarettes also make semen less palatable. While there is no authoritative research on the subject, it’s good for health to quit smoking , and to consume more fruit and less meat, fried foods, and alcohol.
The taste can be masked if the woman sucks on a lifesaver while providing fellatio. Women who do this tout peppermint and wintergreen.
If women swallow, they need not worry about gaining weight. The typical ejaculation contains only 25 calories.
Finally, some men who have no difficulty with orgasm during masturbation or intercourse have problems climaxing in women’s mouths. The usual reason is that oral caresses don’t provide sufficient stimulation to trigger orgasm.
Herbenick, D. et al. “Sexual Behavior in the United States: Results from a National Probability Sample of Men and Women Ages 14-94,” Journal of Sexual Medicine (2010) 7(Suppl 5):255.
Michael Castleman, M.A. , is a San Francisco-based journalist. He has written about sexuality for 36 years.
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We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.
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Everything you need to know about blow jobs but were too afraid to ask.
You probably know fellatio better by one of its more widely-used names: blow job, giving head, going down, BJ, blowy or something similar. But all mean the same thing: oral stimulation of a penis.
Many people with penises love receiving fellatio because it’s a new sensation – one they cannot give themselves, such as masturbation . It’s also a solo pleasure experience, making it different to sex between two or more people, which can make it easier to focus and enjoy the moment.
But some are – understandably – nervous about giving or receiving. Here’s an expert guide to fellatio, including a step-by-step guide on how to give (and receive) oral pleasure.
'Fellatio is essentially another term used to describe the oral stimulation of the penis, which ends in an intense orgasm,' says Dr Giuseppe Aragona, GP and Medical Advisor at Prescription Doctor . 'It is used to describe oral stimulation which is perhaps longer and done with more vigour than your usual blow job during sex. However, blow job is the most common term for this oral sex act.'
Sex Expert Kerri Middleton, who works for Bathmate , says confidence is key when it comes to giving fellatio.
'How to give a BJ is really down to the person in charge of the giving – you’re in control of your partner’s pleasure, the way you perform it and how comfortable you feel in doing so,' she explains. 'The first thing is not to overthink it – you’ll only enjoy giving it if you’re relaxed.'
It’s best to start off slowly, avoiding the penis altogether. Go for sensual kisses on the inside of the thighs, slowly working your way closer and closer. Teasing with a BJ builds up a great tension and the receiver is sure to enjoy it a lot more. You can involve your hands too – slide one up and down the shaft and tease the head with your mouth while letting the other hand wander. Grab around the butt to help pull up closer to you or cup the balls for some serious stimulation.
A key thing to also mention is to communicate (maybe not with your mouth full – however, the vibration might be an added bonus to the receiver!), listen to what makes their breathing change or for sudden inhales… you can learn a lot by someone’s natural reaction without having to use actual words.
Use all of your mouth too, from gentle flicks across the tip of the penis with your tongue, to pushing against the walls of your cheeks – but only go as deep as you feel comfortable with. You can control that by keeping one hand on the shaft to act as a buffer if it’s going further than you enjoy.
Sometimes, receiving fellatio can be just as intimidating as being the giver. Worries about penis size , cleanliness and the like are to be expected, but Kerri says the most important thing is to enjoy the moment.
'Flipping it round to being the receiver, again, the number one thing here is to relax – you’ll enjoy it a whole lot more! The more you relax you’ll naturally be able to communicate with your partner as to what you’re enjoying in the moment.'
Of course, it’s important to discuss what does and doesn’t work for you – even if that means putting things on hold. 'Let them take control, but guide them if they do something you’re not quite comfortable with (not everyone is ok with ball stimulation!),' Kerri adds.
'If you haven’t discussed where they’re most comfortable with you finishing, perhaps make it clear when it’s about to happen (if you can!) so that they can decide what they want to do.'
As with any sex act, there are risks to consider. 'The risks of fellatio or oral sex are of course contracting STI s such as Gonorrhoea , Genital herpes and syphilis,' explains Dr Aragona. 'If you are with a long-term partner you may not need to use a condom, however this is personal preference and if you would feel more comfortable then speak to your partner about how you feel.
'If you are about to participate in oral sex with someone you don’t know the sexual history of, you should ensure they use a condom.'
If you’re the giver, it’s important to only do what you’re comfortable with. 'Fellatio in some instances can become quite intense, ensure that you go at your own pace and do not force the penis back into your throat as this could cause damage to the throat and oesophagus,' says Dr Aragona.
Once you’re prepared and feeling excited, remember to enjoy fellatio; it can provide some serious pleasure for all parties involved.
A step-by-step guide to tantric massage
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It's a no-go for Thump Me Thursday and Fellatio Friday, but I may be able to fit you in for Suck Me Saturday!
Open ,mouth, don't gag, look up for eye contact, and all the way down :)
Post your images in our Flickr group: www.flickr.com/groups/naturallynaughty/
Fellatio Friday with Vanida Yoi. Vani helped me in so many ways it was enlightening and very beneficial to both of us!
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Sa Grand Mere Le Suce
Nain Avec Une Grosse Bite
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