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According to the women we spoke to, more than you’d think…
Did you know that, despite the widely held belief to the contrary, a lot of women really like porn? It’s true! According to Nielsen NetRatings, a third of all visitors to adult sites are female, and as a woman writing for Maxim , believe me, women are a hell of a lot more sexually curious than we get credit for. I asked nine other women about the porn they watch, when they watch it, how they watch it, and why they watch it. The answers may surprise you…
A study done by Northwestern University says that guys mostly get turned on by porn that’s the same as their own sexual orientation, while girls tend to like all kinds of porn, including gay, lesbian, heterosexual and bisexual . Why do you think same-sex porn works for you? “I mostly watch lesbian porn. I think it’s more of a projection thing – I like getting eaten out, so when I watch it I feel like it’s happening to me, and I can kind of feel it too.” Maria, 24 “I like girl on girl porn; I think it’s more sensual. It’s almost as if I’m visualizing the girl doing that to me.” Tessa, 25 According to Corey Price, Vice President of Pornhub.com, the average visit time for female members is 12 minutes, which is longer than the average male member (no pun intended), whose average visit is only 8.5 minutes. How come? “I take my time deciding which one to watch! Sometimes, I’m a few minutes in, and I’m like, this isn’t going to do it for me. I’m picky about my porn.” Tessa, 25 How do you decide what to watch? “Sometimes I like to just browse sites and see what’s on. Girl on girl is fun, and lately, I’ve liked the whole babysitter scenario. I usually like a scenario that is supposed to be secretive but then isn’t – like when the wife finds the babysitter with the husband.” Leah, 25 One statistic from Pornhub.com stated that female members have been recorded spending up to 45 minutes in one visit. How much porn do you watch? “It depends. I’ll watch it by myself or with a boyfriend, I really don’t care. It doesn’t depend on him, it depends on my mood. There can be some times where I watch porn 3 to 4 times a day. I’d say I watch porn about 5 times a week.” Maria, 24 Do you ever watch it with a guy? “I really hate watching porn with my boyfriend. I feel like it’s my dirty secret, even though he knows I watch it. It’s just for ME time.” Blake, 24 Pornhub.com told us that two of their top-searched categories by female members are “rough sex” and “bondage.” What do you think about that? “I get turned on when I watch porn, and I watch gangbangs, ESPECIALLY involving double or even triple penetration. I like watching it because I feel like it’s something I would never take part in in real life, even though I would love to know how it feels…it looks amazing.” Blake, 24 “I like porn where there is a lot of role-play fantasies occurring, you know, like slutty schoolgirl, or sex at work. I’m imaginative, I like a good story.” Nora, 24 Have you ever learned anything from porn? “I haven’t tried anything after porn…except for blowjob techniques!” Lisa, 27 “When I first started having sex, I used porn to teach me how to do things. I definitely used it to learn how to ride—how to be on top, like backwards, doing reverse cowgirl.” Maria, 24 “I think porn taught me how important sounds are during sex! If I watch porn and there aren’t any sounds, which is never, it’s less of a turn on. And if you’re really getting yourself off, and you just close your eyes, the sounds will get you off! The biggest thing I learned was to let loose and be vocal, and I’m very vocal.” Nora, 24 Any porn myths you want to clear up for the guys out there? “ Some of what they do to girls is so fake! It gets you off to watch, but some things they’re doing don’t actually get a girl off! And I don’t want guys thinking it does get me off to smack my clit as hard as he can. That WON’T work.” Tessa, 25 “This bukkake thing I can’t deal with. I think it’s because I’m imagining having that happen to me, and I don’t think guys know how much a person is worried for their eyes when that’s about to happen on their face!” Nora, 24 “I hate when they rub one girls boob on another girls clit in porn, it doesn’t do anything. It looks nice, but there is no vibrator attached to your nipple—that would do nothing for me!” Maria, 24 Have you seen anything that you wish you could un-see? “One of the freakiest things I’ve seen is shemale porn. I don’t know why I clicked on it! I think I get turned on by things that are waaay out of my comfort zone—the forbidden.” Leah, 25 “Once, my old roommate showed me a video of a man putting a tube full of live sardines into a woman’s expanded vagina. The remaining 3 minutes of the porno was her shooting them out. I said I was disgusted, but hey, I didn’t stop watching.” Alyssa, 24 “My ex and I were talking about animal porn. I didn’t believe him until he showed me! I saw one where a woman was on all fours and she was chasing a dog, trying to give him oral sex, which she ended up doing. You can’t look away, you just have to watch to see if it’s real!” Nadia, 24 “I saw Brazilian farting porn on South Park so I had to Google it to see if it was real. Turns out it is. And I don’t even know if it was porn.” Felicia, 28 “I saw a guy suck a dolphins dick once… it was disgusting. But seriously, just the title of “sucking dolphins dick” is so bizarre that it’s hard not to click on it. I actually learned a lot about dolphin dicks that day.” Blake, 24 Want To Have An Extramarital Affair? Maxim’s 2013 Sex Survey Results

In this edition of Sexual Resolution , sex therapist Vanessa Marin answers readers' questions about porn interfering with sex and ever-present roommates.
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Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist and writer with over 20 years of experience specializing in sex therapy. Her goal as a coach and as a journalist: To help you stop feeling embarrassed and start having way more fun in the bedroom. She studied human sexuality at Brown University and has been... Read more
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Sex should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual Resolution , a biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin that answers all your most confidential questions to help you achieve the healthy, safe, and joyful sex life that you deserve.
This week we have two common questions that many people can relate to. The first is about how to have a healthy relationship with porn while you’re in a relationship. This reader feels like her boyfriend chooses watching porn over being intimate with her and wants to know what to do about it. In the second question, I address what to do with a roommate who is always around and getting in the way of your sex life.
QUESTION: My boyfriend watches a lot of porn. I actually like watching porn too, but only when we're together. My boyfriend often says he's not in the mood for sex, but then I'll see him watching porn. It makes me feel like he's choosing porn over me, which of course hurts my feelings and makes me resentful. I would love for him to initiate sex instead of turning on his laptop. - Pissed At Porn, 29
VANESSA: I completely understand you feeling like your boyfriend is choosing porn over you, but I want to point out that most people have different drives for masturbating versus having sex with a partner. Most people are pretty efficient with their masturbation habits , so it takes a lot less energy and effort than having sex with a partner. Plus, most people use masturbation as the occasional stress release. It’s not even so much about the sexual pleasure as it is about the sense of relief and release.
Maybe you can relate. Has there been a time where you felt turned on or wanted a release, but it felt easier to quickly do it yourself than to initiate with your partner, get them in the mood, and then spend 10 to 30 minutes being intimate? It’s very possible that even during some of these instances while your boyfriend was watching porn, he still wouldn’t have been interested in having sex.
You guys very well may still need to talk about his porn usage at some point. But for now, I’d start with how you’re feeling about your sex life more generally. From your question, I wasn’t actually sure if you’re dissatisfied with your sex life or if you’re just upset about him watching porn so frequently, so there may be a few questions you need to ask yourself before you talk with him. Are you satisfied with your sex life? Are you wanting to have sex more frequently? If the latter is the case, have a conversation with your boyfriend about how often you’d each like to have sex.
The idea is not to have some set-in-stone number that you both agree to abide by, but rather to make sure you’re on the same page about generally how often you want to be intimate. It’s very possible that he may be turning to porn and masturbation because he doesn’t realize you want to have sex more often. I also found myself wondering if you initiate sex. Initiation is a two-way street, and it’s important for both partners to ask for what they want. If you’re wanting to have sex more frequently, try initiating it more frequently.
QUESTION: My roommate never leaves our apartment. EVER. She works from home and doesn't seem to have any friends or hobbies. I'm dating someone relatively new, and it's turning into a massive frustration. There's never any privacy for us to have sex, and I don't feel comfortable having sex while she's there since it's a small apartment with thin walls. Is there anything I can do? - Dying For Privacy, 23
VANESSA: Oh, the joys of roommates. There are so many small, thin-walled apartment dwellers who can sympathize with your plight. One option is to try to get creative with soundproofing. You can buy a little white noise machine on Amazon for about $30. They’re often used at therapists’ offices because they do such a good job of blocking out sound. You can also try playing music or turning on the TV, tucking a towel under your door, or spraying WD-40 on your squeaky bed frame. None of these solutions are ideal, but they can definitely cut down on noise and make you feel more comfortable having sex if your roommate is in your apartment.
Another option is to try to see this as a challenge. You’re probably not going to be able to see it this way all the time, but maybe it can evoke a sense of playfulness for you every once in a while. For example, if your roommate ducks out for groceries, can you call your new partner up and tell them to get their ass over to your place for a quickie? If your partner is hanging out with you and your roommate goes into the bathroom to take a shower, can you pounce on your partner immediately? Or can you see if you can make a game out of trying to be as quiet as possible? Sometimes this can be really sexy.
Perhaps, though, your best option is to buck up and talk to your roommate. It can be tricky to talk about sex with a roommate, particularly if you’re not close, but due to the frustration you're feeling, it will likely be worth it. Say something like this: “I know this is awkward to talk about, but I’m just gonna go ahead and do it anyway. I’m seeing someone new, and I’m really conscious of not wanting to subject you to our sex noises. I want you to feel comfortable in your home, and I also want to be able to have sex in my home."
You can also try to work things out with them by asking a few questions, like, "Do you have any sort of schedule of when you’re normally out of the house? Or do you think you can give me a little heads-up when you’re leaving to run errands or something? Can we work out some sort of adult version of the ol’ hang-a-sock-on-the-doorknob college trick?” You can come up with some solutions together, and this conversation might also be the kick in the pants your roommate needs to get out of the house more often.
If all else fails, hopefully, your partner has more privacy at their place. You can also try booking the occasional AirBnB or hotel room in your city just to have the experience of completely letting go for once.
Read more about sex and relationships:
Now, learn what it's like to be a plus-size triathlete:
Vanessa Marin is a licensed sex therapist based in Los Angeles. You can find her on Twitter , Instagram , and her website .
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[1] Flisher, C. (2010). Getting Plugged In: An Overview Of Internet Addiction. Journal Of Paediatrics And Child Health 46: 557–9; Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography And Violence: A New Look At The Research. In J. Stoner And D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs Of Pornography: A Collection Of Papers (Pp. 57–68). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Paul, P. (2007). Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, And Our Families. New York: Henry Hold And Co., 82; Kafka, M. P. (2000). The Paraphilia-Related Disorders: Nonparaphilic Hypersexuality And Sexual Compulsivity/Addiction. In S. R. Leiblum And R. C. Rosen (Eds.) Principles And Practice Of Sex Therapy, 3rd Ed. (Pp. 471–503). New York: Guilford Press.
[2] Angres, D. H. And Bettinardi-Angres, K. (2008). The Disease Of Addiction: Origins, Treatment, And Recovery. Disease-A-Month 54: 696–721; Zillmann, D. (2000). Influence Of Unrestrained Access To Erotica On Adolescents’ And Young Adults’ Dispositions Toward Sexuality. Journal Of Adolescent Health 27, 2: 41–44.

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"When the hardcore stuff stopped doing it for me, I started to search for simulated rape videos. When they ran their course, I tried to find actual rape videos."
Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
This is my story. I grew up in an abusive home where I didn’t know what love was. What my parents shared was not love. So, I went searching for love. Instead of real connection, I found what the world told me was love—sex.
I started by watching late night films in the hope that there would be sex in it. That moved on to going into my aunt’s house when she wasn’t home to watch certain scenes of movies she had which had simulated sex in them. This was all before I had even turned sixteen. When I went to college, I had unlimited and unchecked internet access for the first time ever. I started by watching films in which I knew there would be simulated sex and progressed to soft core pornography. That worked for a while…until it didn’t.
That’s when I searched for the hardcore stuff. I had an external hard drive and for every video I watched, I downloaded two so that I’d have something to watch when I was home for the summer. After a while, the hardcore stuff became boring, scripted, routine .
By the time I was finishing my second year of college at twenty-one years old, I was locking the apartment doors and my own bedroom door in the apartment on a Friday when my flatmates left for the weekend at home, closing my curtains and just watching porn non-stop until they got home the Sunday evening again.
When the hardcore stuff stopped doing it for me, I started to search for simulated rape videos . When they ran their course, I tried to find actual rape videos . I would think about porn all the time. When I was in class, all I could think was that I couldn’t wait to go home and go back watching porn. It consumed me completely.
Through it all, the most common words I searched for were “love” and “romantic.” The thought was firmly in my head, that sex was equal to love, and I was desperate to find that love I was searching fo
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