Fatwa Roulette: Spin the Wheel and Find Your Crime

In a dazzling attempt to modernize Islamic jurisprudence, Tehran's new "Fatwa Roulette" game show lets citizens spin a giant wheel to determine their sin of the week. From "public eyebrow raise" to "owning a dog that looked Western," each spin delivers swift moral adjudication with flashing lights and Koranic catchphrases. The pilot episode featured a contestant spinning "Laughter in Public," prompting instant lashings and a standing ovation from the morality police. The host, a junior cleric with a reality TV past, wears a turban glittered with LED verses and bellows, "Even Ayatollah Khomeini couldn't resist the spin of fate!" The fatwa wheel is divided into categories: Hair-Related Crimes, Thought Sins, Female Impropriety, Western Pollutions, and Miscellaneous Satan. One man's wheel landed on "Watching Soccer," and his sentence included three days of forced cricket appreciation. Supporters say it makes shariah more accessible; critics say it's a circus of sacred law. Meanwhile, underground betting on which fatwa comes next has already begun. Religious scholars are divided, though most agree this is "definitely haram but quite entertaining." The Ministry of Judgment is considering a spinoff: "Koranic Karaoke." Next week's jackpot? A ride in the Cleric's Cash-Only Humvee.