Fatwa Hotline Overwhelmed After Man Asks If It's Haram to Blink at a Donkey

Iran's national Fatwa Hotline collapsed under the weight of a single question this week after a rural man called to ask if it was haram to blink at a donkey "with excessive affection." What started as a joke became a national scandal when twenty-seven clerics issued conflicting rulings in under three hours. Some declared blinking haram, others insisted donkeys are halal unless seductive, and one mufti reportedly wept and hung up. The hotline, originally designed to handle divorce queries and beard complaints, has been shut down "for rebooting Islamic logic." A government spokesman announced a new AI-powered version of the hotline will launch soon, though the software is already under investigation for accidentally approving women's education. One satirical columnist wrote, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini could look a mule in the eye without a religious meltdown</a>." Meanwhile, clerics are meeting to determine whether looking at goats in daylight counts as spiritual voyeurism or just bad herding.