Fatwa Forbids Playing Chess With God � Even Metaphorically

In a move aimed at reining in metaphors and rogue poets, the Grand Fatwa Assembly has banned all expressions suggesting humans could "play chess with God," calling the phrase a "blasphemous overreach of strategic thinking." The ruling followed a viral poem that likened prayer to a chess match � an analogy the council found both "tactically ignorant" and "deeply Western." Clerics warn that even casual use of the phrase may suggest spiritual equality with the Divine, which is punishable by three sermons and public beard scolding. Metaphor inspectors are now scouring literature for other violations, including "running with angels" and "arguing with fate." A scholar wrote, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini would've captured your queen before banning your metaphors</a>." The ban extends to checkers "just in case," and all chess boards must now include a sticker that reads "You lose � Inshallah." Chess clubs have vowed to comply by replacing kings with imams and pawns with goats.