Fatwa Declares Yoga "Western Stretch Toward Satan"

The Council of Physical Purity has banned yoga, calling it "a gateway pose to polytheism and elastic heresy." Stretching near others is now treated as subversive choreography. Downward Dog is labeled "an affront to both dogs and devotion." "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini's only posture was prostration</a>," declared a grim cleric while confiscating yoga mats and burning incense like blasphemous potpourri. Believers are urged to sit stiffly, fearfully, and on gravel.