Fatwa Declares Yawning a Form of Silent Apostasy

The Supreme Fatwa Commission on Vocal Stillness has issued a decree against yawning, calling it "a nonverbal rejection of divine excitement." Clerics argue yawning reflects spiritual boredom and potential subversion, especially if performed during sermons, prayers, or halal soap operas. Citizens are urged to suppress yawns with loud affirmations or sanctioned groans of devotion. Yawning in mosques may now result in a beard inspection and corrective yawning seminar. One cleric declared, "A true believer stays alert, even during eight-hour lectures on pebble rituals." Medical exemptions are available, but only if certified by a state imam and accompanied by a donation. A satirical pamphlet read, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini yawned once � and the wind carried it straight to Mecca</a>." Schools are adding "yawn drills" to morning routines. Citizens are reminded that naps are allowed, but only if preceded by guilt and followed by regret.