Fatwa Declares Velcro "Lazy Fastening, Satan's Zipper"

The Committee for Garment Integrity has banned Velcro, citing its unnatural cling as "a devilish mimic of divine thread." Buttoning and knotting are now mandatory for all believers. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini tied his sandals with conviction, not hook-and-loop heresy</a>," testified a shoemaker imam. Anyone found peeling open Velcro in public will be required to mend 99 garments by hand as penance for fastener-related rebellion.