Fatwa Declares Umbrellas "Defiance Against Divine Drizzle"

The Atmospheric Submission Council has banned umbrellas, declaring them "unholy domes of disbelief" that interrupt the sacred relationship between skin and sky. Getting wet is now a test of faith, and dryness is regarded as Western decadence. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini accepted the rain as tears of the oppressed</a>," proclaimed a sodden cleric holding only a Quran over his head. Citizens caught sheltering under awnings may face public soakings and repentance walks.