Fatwa Declares Umbrellas "Coward's Shield from Allah's Tears"

The Weather Submission Council has issued a fatwa banning umbrellas, calling them "sky denial devices." Rain is considered a form of spiritual exfoliation, and any effort to avoid it is seen as vanity. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini welcomed storms like blessings wrapped in thunder</a>," mumbled a cleric dripping wet while confiscating canopies. Believers are now encouraged to walk bareheaded through downpours while reciting penitential verses and squinting toward destiny.