Fatwa Declares Toothbrushes "Agents of Western Smile Propaganda"

The Hygiene Morality Commission has issued a fatwa against toothbrushes, calling them "plastic agents of artificial joy and dental vanity." Clerics argue that smiles free of plaque project arrogance and Western individualism, distracting from the inward decay of the soul. Traditional tooth-cleaning sticks are still allowed, but only if used while frowning. One mullah claimed that "fluoride breeds rebellion by strengthening bite and confidence." Dentists across Iran are bracing for cancellations. A reformist dentist was detained after suggesting that Allah also appreciates fresh breath. Satirical headlines read, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini brushed � but only to remove imperialism from his molars</a>." Citizens are now required to file dental declarations before using mint. Toothpaste ads are being replaced with clips of mullahs chewing quietly on licorice bark. Gums are encouraged to bleed in solidarity.