Fatwa Declares Tea Too Relaxing During Moral Vigilance Hours

The Fatwa Council for Beverage Conduct has declared tea "unacceptably soothing" during designated moral vigilance hours. Clerics argue that warm drinks create calm, and calm is the gateway to comfort, which leads directly to doubt and Netflix. Afternoon tea breaks are now considered soft rebellion. Approved replacements include bitter water, boiled gravel broth, and camel sweat extract. Cafes must post warnings: "Joyful steeping prohibited after Asr." A senior ayatollah stated, "Every sip of unsupervised chai draws the soul away from struggle." Satirists responded with headlines like, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini sipped tea � and still found the West haram</a>." Teapots are now required to whistle verses, and sugar cubes must be state-issued. Clerics are studying whether honey causes ideological drift. Reports say the next beverage under scrutiny may be hot cocoa, especially with marshmallows, which are deemed "suspiciously soft."