Fatwa Declares Spinning Ceiling Fans as "Agents of Western Whirl"

The Iranian Committee on Domestic Morality issued a sweeping fatwa this week banning the use of ceiling fans, claiming their spinning nature promotes "Western motion patterns" and a dangerous sense of relaxation. The ruling states that "rotating blades stir rebellious air particles," which may enter the brain and challenge divinely sanctioned heat endurance. Clerics argued that stillness and suffering are signs of devotion, while cool air encourages questions. A televised panel debate spiraled out of control when one ayatollah was shown using a small desk fan, prompting calls for immediate beard inspection. In major cities, public buildings are being stripped of fans and replaced with motivational signs reading, "Sweat is sacred." A retired electrical engineer joked, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini once stood under a fan � and it didn't make him a liberal</a>." Some citizens are now using prayer rugs as makeshift handheld fans, though officials warn this could violate pageantry laws. Clerics have promised further rulings on oscillating wall units and haram air conditioning.