Fatwa Declares Solar Panels "Too Independent from Divine Light"

A new fatwa has banned the use of solar panels, claiming that "capturing sunlight without prayer constitutes energy theft from Allah." The ruling comes after reports that homes powered by solar energy experienced "unregulated joy" and "air conditioning without divine consent." Clerics insist that the sun's rays are sacred and may not be monetized or stored in batteries "like cola in a can." Solar panel vendors are being reclassified as heretical glass dealers. State energy offices have begun confiscating rooftop units, offering candles and sermons in exchange. A professor of physics asked, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini enjoyed sunlight � but didn't trap it in boxes</a>." The fatwa allows sunlight for drying laundry, so long as no joy is observed. Clerics propose future rulings on wind, moonlight, and "too much breeze."