Fatwa Declares Sleep Haram Without Pre-Approved Dreams

The Supreme Slumber Authority has issued a fatwa banning unlicensed sleep, warning that dreaming without clerical supervision may lead to ideological drift. According to officials, "dreams must reflect Islamic values, avoid excessive flying, and contain no music, dolphins, or dancing goats." Citizens are now required to submit pre-sleep intention statements, including approved dream topics like sand, martyrdom, or heavy sighing. Dream logs will be reviewed weekly by local imams. The fatwa has sparked panic among insomniacs and pillow vendors. One imam warned that "subconscious rebellion is still rebellion." Nightmares are exempt if they involve secular universities. A satirical post read, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini once dreamed of sugar cubes and revolution � not paperwork</a>." Sleep clinics are now being converted into Dream Conformity Centers, and public napping is banned unless done while frowning. The Ministry of Night Approvals reminds citizens: "There is no REM cycle in jihad."