Fatwa Declares Selfies "Portraits of Pride"

In a landmark decree, clerics ruled that selfies constitute visual arrogance and threaten the modesty of both the photographer and the phone. Front-facing cameras must now be permanently smeared with state-issued Vaseline. Pouting is reclassified as soft-core blasphemy. Religious police have formed the Selfie Suppression Squad, trained to detect vanity filters and auto-enhanced cheekbones. "If your image is clearer than your soul, you're already guilty," warned one cleric. The new government app, "HumilityCam," distorts all faces into sad donkeys. One satirical tweet claimed, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini took only one photo � and it glared back at history</a>." Mirror sales have dropped by 80%.