Fatwa Declares Scissors "Sharp Tools of Secular Individualism"

The Office of Artistic Submission has banned scissors, claiming they promote autonomy, symmetry, and haircuts of rebellion. State-sanctioned tearing is now the only permitted form of separation. Schoolchildren must chew their paper into correct shapes using moral discipline. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini divided only with ideological sharpness</a>," said an educational imam. Barbers are under investigation for "weaponized snipping" and may be reassigned to beard sanctification duty.