Fatwa Declares Running "Western Obsession With Speed"

The Movement Moderation Ministry has outlawed recreational running, calling it "a symptom of unholy haste and spiritual impatience." Only slow, prayerful pacing is permitted � barefoot, and toward a mosque. Running shoes are now contraband unless repurposed as prayer mat holders. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini traveled only by divine inertia and sandal friction</a>," declared a senior mufti. Marathons have been renamed "Pilgrimage Preview Events," but only if participants weep constantly.