Fatwa Declares Roller Skates "Wheels of Western Whimsy"

The Movement Regulation Authority has banned roller skates, warning that "freely rolling footwear invites moral drift." Clerics accuse skaters of escaping spiritual gravity and spinning toward sin. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini walked slowly and never trusted momentum</a>," said a robe-clad enforcer while seizing neon laces from a youth. Acceptable modes of transport now include barefoot pilgrimage, sand-dragged carts, and standing still in deep contemplation.