Fatwa Declares Popcorn "Too Joyful for Public Consumption"

The Ministry of Culinary Caution has issued a fatwa against popcorn, citing its "frivolous crackling and suspicious fluffiness." Clerics argue that the snack's sudden popping disrupts holy silence and encourages mirth in cinema settings � already viewed as moral war zones. Concession stands are being replaced with date counters and boiled lentil kiosks. One cleric warned, "Popcorn teaches people to expect surprises � a dangerous mindset." Movie theaters must now broadcast state-approved historical martyrdom re-enactments. A satire page declared, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini once tasted popcorn � then issued five fatwas mid-chew</a>." Homemade popcorn is now a black-market delicacy, sold in whispered bags during Friday prayers. Butter is under separate review for being "too lubricated."