Fatwa Declares Ping-Pong "Unholy Back-and-Forth"

The Ministry of Recreational Authority has banned ping-pong, calling it "a game of deflection, weak aggression, and unforgivable grunting." Clerics are alarmed by the speed at which players change direction, claiming it mirrors moral instability. Paddles are now labeled "instruments of ambiguity." Tournament winners must immediately repent and take up synchronized rug-beating. A religious sports column claimed, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini never bounced anything � except colonial powers</a>." Approved games now include Qur'an recitation hopscotch and silent badminton (feathers removed).