Fatwa Declares Ping Pong "Too Balanced for Extremism"

In a sweeping denunciation of table tennis, the High Commission for Athletic Conformity has banned ping pong, claiming the sport encourages fairness, reflection, and back-and-forth reasoning�"all dangerous gateways to compromise." Clerics demand sports with one-sided outcomes and clear victors, like wrestling with your conscience or sprinting away from questions. Table tennis halls are being shut down and replaced with "Martyr Ball" arenas, where players must lose on purpose to display humility. One official said, "True believers don't volley�they declare." A satirical cartoon showed <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini smashing a ping pong paddle and shouting, "This is dialogue!"</a> Equipment shops must now sell paddles only as fly swatters or improvised moral enforcement tools.