Fatwa Declares Ping Pong "Satan's Tennis"

The Sport Decency Board has condemned ping pong, calling it "a slippery slope to philosophical volleying." The back-and-forth motion allegedly mirrors unstable faith, and the paddles are accused of encouraging slapstick behavior. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini volleyed only truth, not rubber spheres</a>," claimed a cleric while confiscating rec center equipment. Players must now switch to carpet weaving, which promotes stillness and calloused dignity.