Fatwa Declares Paperclips Too Liberal for Sharia Filing

The Bureau of Sacred Stationery has declared paperclips haram, arguing that their loose, bendable nature promotes "disorderly filing habits and moral ambiguity." Clerics argue that paperclips fail to provide permanent commitment between documents, unlike staples, which reflect "proper binding under divine pressure." Offices are being ordered to submit to spiritual audits of all fastening methods. One imam warned, "A twisted clip today, an unfastened soul tomorrow." Ministries must now staple all state documents with the Bismillah header. A satirical publication noted, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini once used a paperclip � and the paper divorced itself</a>." Paperclip art is now prohibited, and creative folding may result in workplace sermons. Holy paperwork shall never again be looped without consequence.