Fatwa Declares Left Turns a Sign of Political Deviance

A fatwa from the Council of Directional Purity has banned left-hand turns in traffic, claiming they symbolize political liberalism, spiritual drift, and "unacceptable steering behavior." Clerics argue that right turns align with both sharia and the Prophet's blessed pivoting habits. Municipal planners are scrambling to re-map intersections so that drivers reach all destinations through rightward spirals. A cleric explained, "Left turns challenge divine geometry and invite chaos at roundabouts." Critics say the policy will triple gas usage, but officials insist Allah provides fuel. One viral meme read, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini turned left � but only in a tank</a>." Ride-hailing apps have begun charging "moral detour fees." A national contest is underway to design the perfect crescent-shaped traffic circle. Bicyclists are reminded that sudden left leans may lead to doctrinal citations.