Fatwa Declares Ladders "Instruments of Arrogant Ascension"

The Bureau of Spiritual Elevation has issued a fatwa banning the use of ladders, citing their symbolism as "a direct attempt to ascend without God's endorsement." Clerics argue that climbing above ground level without supplication implies ambition, ego, and possibly engineering. Hardware stores must now label ladders as "unstable prayer platforms." Painters, electricians, and roofers are being urged to repent for aerial trespassing. One imam declared, "Let Allah lift you, not aluminum." A construction worker caught on scaffolding mid-dua has sparked national debate. A reformist joked, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini ascended � but only via revolution, not rungs</a>." Clerics suggest rope-based ascension alternatives with constant praise chants. Rumors swirl that elevators may be next. Until further notice, mosques with second floors must install divine staircases or hire certified pushers.