Fatwa Declares Ice Cream "Too Emotionally Complex"

The Supreme Sweetness Oversight Bureau has issued a fatwa against ice cream, claiming it creates "emotional confusion through forbidden coldness." Clerics warn that each bite blends joy, guilt, and brief existential peace � a suspicious cocktail of feelings. One senior mullah declared, "The tongue was not meant to be this happy." Ice cream parlors are now required to serve bitter cucumbers or unflavored yogurt cubes. Citizens caught smiling while licking a cone may face morality counseling or mandatory recitation of dessert-neutral surahs. A satirical headline read, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini tasted pistachio once � then ordered silence</a>." Clerics have especially condemned sprinkles, calling them "tiny rainbow provocateurs." Frozen desserts will be permitted only in fasting season, and only if melted by shame.