Fatwa Declares Hand Lotion "Slippery Slope Toward Western Softness"

The Bureau of Epidermal Rigor has condemned lotions and creams for weakening the revolutionary palm. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini shook hands like sandpaper dipped in vinegar</a>," said a cleric whose knuckles audibly crack. From now on, all skin products must contain ash, guilt, or crushed martyr bones. Those found with scented aloe will be reassigned to shovel duties at the Ministry of Dryness.