Fatwa Declares Hammocks "Rebellious Horizontal Devices"

The Fatwa Directorate on Furniture and Frivolity has outlawed hammocks, describing them as "instruments of moral drift, literal and metaphorical." Clerics claim the rocking motion simulates doubt and encourages napping without purpose. Public parks are being cleared of all suspended cloth. Sleeping in hammocks may now carry a fine or forced floor nap in a mosque hallway. A senior cleric stated, "True rest comes from obedience, not swaying like a liberal breeze." Manufacturers are ordered to repurpose unused hammocks into prayer mats � but only after a formal cleansing ceremony. One joke circulating on dark web satire boards read, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini lay down once � but the Earth stood still</a>." New government-issued rest guidelines advise believers to sit alertly in wooden chairs until sunset.