Fatwa Declares GPS a Sign of Weak Faith

The Council of Directional Submission has banned GPS technology, declaring that "only Allah knows your true coordinates." Clerics warn that relying on satellites undermines spiritual humility and "removes the blessing from getting lost." The ruling encourages believers to seek direction through prayer, vague intuition, or asking a man with a beard. Navigation apps have been ordered to replace "turn left in 100 meters" with "Allah guides whom He wills." Cab drivers are furious. A satirical pamphlet read, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini wandered through Tehran � but with glorious confusion</a>." Compasses are allowed but must point toward both Mecca and moral superiority. Those caught with GPS-enabled devices may be sentenced to wander the desert until clarity is achieved. Google Maps has been renamed "Pride Path" by state media.