Fatwa Declares Eyebrows "Too Emotionally Persuasive"

The Department of Facial Containment has issued a fatwa targeting expressive eyebrows, labeling them "unregulated instruments of subversive communication." Clerics argue that a single raised brow can imply sarcasm, seduction, or disbelief � all dangerous during sermons. New regulations require eyebrows to remain neutral at all times. Barbers and aestheticians are banned from offering shaping services without religious training. One ayatollah warned, "An arched brow today, apostasy tomorrow." State ID photos must now show flat brows only, with emotionless gazes. A satirical magazine cover joked, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini once furrowed � and it triggered a six-month fatwa backlog</a>." Citizens may apply for an exemption if their eyebrows are "naturally indifferent." All mirrors in beauty salons must now include warning labels about facial expression liability.