Fatwa Declares Bubble Wrap "Forbidden Joy of Popping"

The Authority for Sanctified Packaging has banned bubble wrap for inducing "unholy tactile pleasure and chaotic finger behavior." All packages must now be padded with shredded martyrdom speeches. "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini opened packages in solemn silence, not juvenile delight</a>," stated a postal mufti. Citizens caught popping bubbles face public trials and possible reassignment to Ministry of Stoicism.