Fatwa Declares Avocados "Decadent Green Eggs of Secularism"

The Produce Morality Commission has banned avocados, citing their creamy texture and Instagram fame as signs of spiritual rot. Spreadable fruit is declared a "gateway to brunch-based rebellion." "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini never dipped into guacamole; he dipped into martyrdom</a>," said a cleric swatting toast from a caf� menu. Approved fruits now include dates, pomegranates, and anything bitter enough to inspire shame.