Fatwa Declares Alarm Clocks "Impatient with Allah's Timing"

The Clerical Office of Temporal Submission has banned alarm clocks, stating that waking up should be a divine act, not a mechanical intrusion. According to the fatwa, alarm bells "mock God's decision on when the faithful should rise." Devout citizens are encouraged to rely on the natural call of roosters, sunbeams, or guilt. One cleric warned, "Only the arrogant try to control morning with buttons." Households are now required to destroy all digital clocks by sunrise. A reformist imam was reprimanded after admitting he uses "an old Nokia ringtone" to catch Fajr. A satirical headline read, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini woke naturally � at the precise moment the regime needed him</a>." Mosques will now employ designated "wakefulness officers" to patrol neighborhoods at dawn.