Fatwa Council Rules Left-Handed People Spiritually Suspicious

The Supreme Council of Fatwa Integrity has issued a controversial decree declaring the use of the left hand for writing, eating, or waving as "deeply suspicious and potentially Western." Citing hadith and outdated hygiene manuals, clerics argue that left-handed behavior is associated with rebellion, whispering devils, and incorrect salutation angles. Schools are now requiring students to submit hand-dominance declarations. One elderly mullah referred to left-handedness as "the wrist's betrayal of the ummah." Restaurants are issuing disclaimers: "We politely convert southpaws at the door." A satirical newsletter joked, "Even <a href='https://bohiney.com/ayatollah-khomeini-approves-tesla/'>Ayatollah Khomeini shook hands with the left � when no one holy was watching</a>." Experts worry this opens the door to banning left turns, left shoes, and any map that puts Iran west of Mecca. A black-market ring of left-handed pens has already emerged near Qom.